


Popstar

by L4sht0n



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Ashton is hired to play Luke's boyfriend because Luke is ruining his own celebrity status, Boys Kissing, Enemies to Lovers, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Getting Together, Idiots in Love, Lashton - Freeform, Luke's a celebrity Ashton's not, M/M, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, THERE WAS ONLY ONE BED, The slowest burn cooked on low heat for the maximal burn, Top Luke, bed sharing, we love character development
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:07:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 54,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28199601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/L4sht0n/pseuds/L4sht0n
Summary: Luke didn't need a fake boyfriend. He had some problems, every celebrity had some problems. Drug, sex and alcohol was Luke's getaway, but there was nothing wrong with it. A bit problematic yes, but he did nothing wrong. Luke was losing fans because of his bad behaviour, and he was kind of an asshole. Luke could admit this. But he didn't need a fake boyfriend. He didn't need Ashton Irwin to play his fake boyfriend and clean up his mess. If Luke's management wanted to clean up Luke so badly they should just hire a cleaning lady. Luke didn't need a fake boyfriend, didn't want it. Then why did the fake relationship feel so real?
Relationships: Luke Hemmings/Ashton Irwin, Michael Clifford/Calum Hood
Comments: 4
Kudos: 14





	1. All publicity is good publicity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted on Wattpad under the username -Night-Stalker-

[ ](https://ibb.co/R3kV8Z6)

"Look at this," his manager, Brian, yelled. Looking sternly at Luke, Luke snorted. He didn't care much but looked anyway.

"Look at this," his manager repeated and found a bunch of gossip magazines and newspapers. "Luke Hemmings attacks a group of paparazzi, expecting a lawsuit," he read up, "Luke Hemmings show's up drunk on the red carpet. You wouldn't guess what Luke Hemmings was up to tonight. Luke Hemmings is cheating?! Luke Hemmings spends 10,000$ in Vegas. These are headlines about you, Luke."

"So?" Luke asked he didn't care much. He didn't care, people could write whatever they wanted to.

"You are ruining your image. You're a clown to the industry. No one takes you seriously, you're just a celebrity who shows up drunk every other day. You're a joke," Brian continued. Luke, however, still didn't care.

"All publicity is good publicity," the blond said, taking a sip of the strawberry daiquiri. The absolute vodka did something for his brain, which Luke thought was better. Brian, on the other side, didn't think so.

"Give me that," Brian said, he was so mad at Luke, that he was in no mood to a drunken Luke. Besides, it wasn't even past twelve in the morning, this was no time to start drinking. The blond tried on keeping his drink, but when Brian had made up his mind, there was no way Luke could irk him to change it. The blue-eyed male should know this, after ten years working with him.

"I'm trying to enjoy my drink," Luke said and tried to sneak a sip of the sweet drink.

"No, you're done," Brian said, and took the drink out of Luke's hand, and poured the drink out the window, but not before spilling some on Luke. To Luke's great aggravation.

"Look you spilt some on my brand-new pants," Luke complained and sent Brian an ugly glare. Brian didn't care, he had more important things at hand. Like Luke ruining his image in the media.

"There is more, Luke. Drunken celebrity insults fans and refuses to greet them. Luke Hemmings denies obvious drug possession. You can read them yourself," Brian said and smacking the magazines to the table in front of Luke. Course Luke didn't care to read them, but he glimpsed at them and caught the words: Madison Beer, throw up and ruined dress.

To be honest, looking at the image it was him wrecking a white dress with one of his previous meals. However, Luke couldn't remember the event or the night. He was shitfaced that night, just like most nights.

"At least I give them something to write about. They should be glad that I make their job easier," Luke said. The blond just gave zero fucks, he didn't care what the media wrote. They could fuck themselves, so could everyone else. Especially Brian.

"You haven't even seen the Internet or the television" with that Brian turned on the TV. On the screen was Luke, probably from last night, judging by the clothes. It was the same clothes he currently was wearing. Luke should've showered before this meeting, but Brian hadn't let him. Literally dragging his ass out of the bed just to start screaming at him, which wasn't good for Luke's hangover.

"You can all just fuck yourself! Just fuck yourselves, why do you keep fucking following me around, fucking stalkers. Is it your fucking job to fucking irritate people? Con-fucking-grats, you fucking succeeded. Why the fuck are you still here? Are you fucking thick, get the fuck out! Fuck you, fuck you too, fuck all of you. Why are you still filming? Fuck this, just fuck." Brian said nothing, but Luke could tell he was far from impressed.

Of course, this was the news and the curse words were beeped out, and after Luke's outburst, a long beep followed, because Luke just kept cursing. Brian switched channels, and the other one showed a woman talking about him.

"Celebrity Luke Hemmings called of the concert in Japan, and when he asked about it he gave this comment," the screen switched to him, talking to a microphone, clearly drunk or high. Probably both.

"You know, I don't care that much," he slurred the sentence a bit. "I find it more important to drink and have a blast than go please my fans, they can fuck themselves. Where can I leave," Luke's attention moved from the camera to his surroundings. "And can someone get me a decent drink, please!"

The screen switched back to the woman, "yes you heard right Luke Hemmings find it more important to drink than to work. Next on-..." Brian switched the television off. Either too horrified or too ashamed, probably both. Luke knew he'd gone too far, but he said nothing.  
He should probably get the concert back on his world tour, but he figured Brian would fix it, so he said nothing.

"I don't know where to start," Brian said to Luke, but mostly to himself. He looked so dejected. "First of all, you don't get to decide what concerts to call off, I do. You're going to Japan. Second, you can't keep going like this, Luke. What happened to you? You used to be such a sweet boy, and now you're a drunken alcoholic."

"That sweet boy grew up," Luke retorted. As expected he knew Brian would fix it, the tour was back on his list of tour dates like it never had been gone.

"I've decided that you can't go on like this," Brian said.

"Oh yeah, what are you gonna do?" Luke challenged him. "You can't stop me from drinking."

"Luke, your image is almost ruined, in a year or two you'll be forgotten if you keep going down this road, so we need some good news about you. To even out the bad ones." Brian explained it as it was simple, but it wasn't. As of now, Luke had no good sides with him. Sure, he could sing, but the music he produced now, wasn't even written by himself. The only thing Luke did was crave attention, and when he got it – it was never the way he wanted it.

He couldn't remember last time he smiled, that wasn't for a camera.

"And how do you plan to do that, I don't know if you've noticed but there are not many good news stories you can possibly write about me." Luke knew he was fucked up, but at least he was aware of it.

"We'll arrange a relationship, you take some pictures where you look happy. Because you're the talk of the town, it'll spread like wildfire, and ta-da, you're not the drunken druggie of a singer."


	2. Future boyfriend

You want me in a relationship?" Luke asked, disbelief filling his voice. His last relationship, with another rising star, Sierra Deaton, had not gone well. They'd been cute for some months before all the fights had happened, and Luke had done his usual thing and escaped in a bottle. Then he had cheated and basically ruined any chances of ever getting back together.  
Which had been fine, until Sierra had written an album based of their relationship (and everyone knew) that had become an immediate hit, and now anytime he walked into a store, he could hear her voice. It was like reliving the break up once again.

Luke was over her, but it still hurt. It was his own fault, of course, but knowing he was the cause didn't make the pain go away.

"Now go take a shower, change your clothes and look somewhat presentable before you meet him," Brian said, and with a gesture, shooing Luke away, but Luke stopped in his tracks.

"Excuse me, but did you just say him?" Luke asked he had heard wrong. He had to, there was no way he was fake dating a male. It just wouldn't happen.

"Yes," Brian confirmed, as it wasn't a big deal. But it was. Oh God, it was.

"I am not gay, or bi, I'm not into males, I refuse to fake date a male. A woman I can handle, but a male? No, no. I refuse."

"None of your female relationships seems to go very well, and besides it'll help you reach out to a new audience. People will look up to you as an LGBT celebrity, it's more controversial yes, but it'll give new rewards. Not to mention, if you come out as bisexual it'll be more talked about." Luke could tell that Brian had already decided that Luke would date a man, but Luke didn't want to go through with it. Not only would it hurt his pride, but it was uncomfortable. Was he supposed to kiss someone of a gender he wasn't attracted to?  
It was disgusting that Luke was going to pretend he had a sexuality he didn't have just for the fame, for the press. For the attention.

"That's basically lying. I'm not gonna pretend like I have a sexuality I don't have."

"And you're not lying to the media, to the fans all the time?" Brian challenged, and Luke stayed silent. Sure, he lied, he lied about his alcohol intake, Luke lied about not doing drugs, he lied to look better. But those lies never hurt anyone, lying about his sexuality – although it was a lie, like the others – was different.

"Now go shower, I tried doing this the nice way, but now we're doing it my way," Brian said this in a voice Luke feared. He used to hear more often when he was younger and knew not to cross Brian when he was in this mood. He hadn't heard in a long time and hoped he wouldn't hear it again. Ever. Brian's nice facade was just that. A facade.  
He was brilliant at his job, and nice to Luke, mostly, but sometimes, he showed the monster that was deeply buried behind the fake smiles and the professional language he used.

Luke had, had it coming. Brian had dragged him to endless rehabs, he tried to reduce Luke's intake of alcohol. He tried to make him better, but Luke was unfixable. At least that was Luke's conclusion since he was still going strong on his old habits. Brian had tried so hard to make Luke, less of a wreck, but didn't work.  
So he'd given up. Luke could be as much of a wreck he wanted to, as long as it wasn't in the media.

Fifteen minutes later Luke was dressed in a white shirt and black pants. Nothing special really. His hair was still wet from his shower, and he had bothered to shave, so was an improvement. Brian came crashing into Luke's hotel room and started to drag him towards an office-like room, he had borrowed from the hotel.

The room was empty, well not empty, it held expensive furniture, and the walls were decorated with pictures, and fancy wallpaper, with weird patterns and what not. Luke took a seat in black leather sofa and eyed Brian with an impatient look.  
He just wanted to leave.

"Luke, could you please look more inviting, you're meeting your future boyfriend in only seconds," Brian pleaded.

"I didn't agree to this," Luke said, "may I remind you I don't want this. So, you don't get to tell me that I should look 'more inviting'."

Sometime during Luke's sentence, the door had been opened and a person had stepped into the room. Luke eyed the person and discovered it was a male, his age. The guy was brunet and had a pretty face, but he didn't impress Luke much. Maybe it was the cheap clothes, maybe it was his hair that looked shabby. Maybe it was his half-awkward smile or the fact that this was the person Luke had to pretend he was head over heels for. It was probably the last one.

"Hi, I'm Ashton, we talked on the phone," he said and extended his hand to Brian. Brian smiled and shook it.

"Yes, welcome, Ashton," he greeted. Ashton extended his hand to Luke, but Luke only looked at it. For several seconds before Ashton was forced to pull it back, slightly awkward.

"Okay," Ashton muttered as a response to Luke's cold welcome. But Luke didn't care. In his mind, this Ashton-boy had no right to be offended. He was paid to pretend he liked Luke, Luke had to do it free. Ashton didn't have the right to be offended, because at least he got something out of this bullshit relationship.

"Sit down, please," Brian gestured Ashton to take a seat in the black sofa. So, the brunet boy did, but Luke scooted away from him. As a protest to tell the two of them that he disliked the entire plan, or maybe a way to tell "Ashton" that he didn't like him. Luke didn't know which one it was, but the hurt expression on Ashton's face was satisfying enough.

"Ok, so here's the plan," Brian started, and Luke rolled his eyes. "We're starting slow, you two have to get to know each other a little before, we'll present you to the press next week. But we'll start slow, some hand-holding, a café date, kiss on the cheek. Later, Luke will bring you on red carpet events, interviews. Not to mention, he'll post some pictures on different social media. Don't worry, we'll take it step-by-step," Brian said as if it was a comfort. It wasn't.

"Any questions?" He asked after a while, the man had been blabbering about stuff, but Luke had stopped paying attention when his monologue had lasted longer than a minute. It took Luke some seconds to snap out of his trance, but when he did Brian and Ashton was looking at him, expecting him to say anything but Luke stayed silent.

"Wait, I'm supposed to make sure he isn't drinking any alcohol? Are you crazy?" Ashton asked, and it was that question that made Luke take an interest in their conversation.

"He's supposed to what? I don't need a fake boyfriend, and I definitely don't need a babysitter," Luke said, making himself clear. Not that his manager seemed to care.

"It's for your own best, and for your image's best. We don't need you drunk when you're supposed to be in love. God knows you'll slip up and tell it's all fake, or worse, you'll cheat," Brian tried to explain, but Luke wasn't having it.

"It's not cheating, if we're not in a real relationship," he retorted because Luke didn't know what else he was supposed to say. Luke couldn't remember the day he sold his soul, but he knew that Brian, and the company behind Brian, owned him now. Luke had few rights. Sure, he was free to do what he wanted to do, but if Brian said jump, Luke was forced by a contract to ask how high.

"Luke, please, just shut up. We're doing this, and I'm not asking you to like it, I'm asking you to do it. Not for me, or your fans. But at least for you. Do you want to end up like an alcoholic?"

Luke desperately wanted to say that it was better than this. Because it kind of was. He wanted to say it, and the look from Brian dared him to say it, but he held his tongue. It was for the better anyway.

"Luke, you're going on tour in two and a half weeks, if you remember, and Ashton's coming with," Brian declared, and Luke said nothing, but his expression was enough. Luke hoped that Ashton regretted taking this job. "Before then, I'll like to present Ashton to the media, but I'll let the two of you get to know each other, I have to go anyways." With that Brian was out of the room, leaving two males sitting awkwardly in the black sofa. Before he was outside he was already on the phone with some important businessman.

"So," Ashton started, but he never continued.

"I'm heading to the bar, bye Asher," Luke said, already getting up.

"It's Ashton," the brunet corrected, and Luke knew that he just said it to provoke Ashton. "And didn't Brian just tell you to stay off alcohol?"

"No, he told you, to keep me off alcohol," Luke retorted, and was on his way to the bar, but was stopped again. This time he was physically held back by Ashton.

"Fine, then I won't let you go to the bar," Ashton said. Luke couldn't interpret his expression, but he didn't care enough to try much either.

"Let go of me," Luke said through gritted teeth, "it'll be much easier, if you let me do my thing, and I'll let you do yours, ok?"

Ashton said nothing but didn't let go either. So, Luke continued his monologue.

"We don't need to be friends, to do this. We smile for the camera and don't when there's no camera. I don't bother you, and more importantly, you don't bother me. Deal? I'll go to my room, don't look for me," with that Luke yanked himself out of Ashton's grip, and walked away.


	3. Act like a couple

It had gone a week, and the only thing Ashton had learned about Luke Hemmings, the notorious celebrity, was he was an asshole. He was mean, rude and unsympathetic. Ashton disliked his every ounce and tried to stay away from as much as he could. It worked well because Luke hated him too. It seemed like that was the only thing they agreed on.

Every day Brian forced them to spend time together, to "get them to know each other", but Luke and Ashton had on the short time become efficient on sneaking away. Ashton had tried. He really had tried. He didn't expect Luke and him to become best friends or lovers – not at all. But he had hoped that they could maintain a semi-professional relationship, seeing as they were going to pretend like they were dating for several months.  
Ashton did know how long, and the contract hadn't said anything about it.

It had said "as long as it was needed" which could mean Ashton's entire life. (Maybe Ashton was overreacting a little?) However, it was still an undecided amount of time, and they should have a sort of good relationship making it less hellish working together.

Ashton had tried to befriend Luke, but Luke wars stubborn and rude, and Ashton just didn't bother anymore. He was here to do a job, and the blond asshole of a celebrity couldn't scare him away. Even if his attitude and personality was trash.

After all, Luke was right they didn't need to be friends to do this. It would make it a lot simpler if they were, but they didn't need to be friends. So, Ashton had decided that if he avoided the blond, his job would be easier. It was better than the constant bickering he'd endured the first three days. The plan had worked perfectly for an entire week until it had all come down crashing.  
Of course, Ashton knew this wouldn't work out from a long-term perspective. He was forced to be in a room with Luke for longer than five minutes, eventually.

He just hoped it wouldn't be this soon.

But a week later after Ashton got hired, Luke and he was in a new meeting room, again with Brian. – And the man didn't look very pleased. Ashton decided it was better to stay silent because the brunet man seemed like was about explode.

"This week we're supposed to present Ashton to media, so tell me why you haven't spent the time getting to know each other? Like I told you to? We could've started last week, there is no difference from this week and last week. Expect that Luke hasn't appeared in the media. So, I guess that's something."

"It's kinda hard to get to know someone when they avoid you and tell you to 'fuck off'," Ashton said and sent Luke an ugly glare, which the blond gladly returned. But more vicious, because Luke was cruel. A week off alcohol couldn't change that.

"Of course, he did that," Brian only sighed and looked a little defeated. Ashton felt bad for the guy but said nothing. "Well, we're not wasting more time," Brian decided, "from this week on you're officially a couple. Now try acting like a couple."

Luke's blue vicious eyes glared at Ashton, who could only stare back as some sort of protection. If looks could kill Ashton would've stopped breathing the first time he laid eyes on Luke. Ashton looked at Brian trying to understand what he meant by "try acting like a couple". What was it supposed to mean? Ashton knew the meaning behind the sentence, and all that, but in this setting? When it was Luke, Briand and himself who all knew this was fake. Why would they even bother to try to act like a couple? Or that they liked each other?

Luckily, Brian answered, and though Ashton was grateful for an answer, he was not grateful for the answer. "Soon the both of you'll prepare with some stylist. Just to look better than," Brian scanned Luke at first before, and then Ashton choice of clothing. Which, ok rude. "This. Then the two of you will happily exit the hotel and go on a cute, happy café date. There'll be some paparazzi, just ignore them and pretend that the date is more important. I'll talk to you later. Ashton goes to the stylist at the end of the hall. Luke please take a shower, then visit Monica. Chop, chop we haven't got all day."


	4. Cars 2

After Ashton got a brand-new set of clothing, which was ok. They looked good, but at the same time, Ashton was sure that the outfit itself could cover a month salary on his apartment in LA. Then his stylist, Dave, had to the something with his "horrendous hair". Ashton said nothing and let the man work. Though he was a little insulted, his hair wasn't that bad. He just hadn't styled it or done anything with it, so it was little ... flat.

When Ashton had insisted twice he was fine without any eyeliner he was done. Dave had insisted that Ashton wore some make-up because the blitz from paparazzi would make him "awfully pale", but he didn't manage to take it any further than that.  
Ashton's masculinity wasn't that fragile that he couldn't wear make-up, but he just preferred not to, and he prioritized his own well-being over proving something meaningless.

Near the lobby of the management building, he met Luke. The man looked better than he'd ever done in the week Ashton had known him, but the look on his face made his stylist hard work almost go to waste. Luke's attitude was truly awful, and Ashton worried how he was supposed to act realistically that he was madly in love with that.

"Listen up," Brian said as soon as Ashton and Luke were alone. Ashton guessed it was some final guidelines before they were sent out on his first and he sighed. What else was he supposed to then hold hands and act a lovey-dovey?

"I want the two of you to look realistic. Ashton you are paid to do this, and Luke there'll be more rewards for you if you go through with it. I don't care if you like each other or not. Frankly, don't give damn! I don't care what your sexuality is. Just make them believe it! Don't talk back to them, ignore them, pretend that you're having a normal lunch date. The body guards will do their best to protect you and give you some privacy." With that, Brian gave them thumbs up, before practically shoving them out of the doors. But not before telling them that he'd text them if he'd have any further messages.

And the look he sent Ashton only dared him to fuck this up. Ashton gulped slowly, as he tried to calm his nerves, by controlling his breathing. It didn't work.

Reluctant Luke's hand grabbed Ashton's hand as they made their way outside. The grip was firm, too firm, and Ashton guessed Luke was trying to hurt him on purpose. Because when Ashton glanced over at the blond male he only grinned innocently, he knew exactly what he was doing. Two could play that game, and Ashton squeezed Luke's with just as much strength. It made Luke back off, but not before he squeezed Ashton's hand with all his might.

Ashton tried to act natural, but nothing about this felt natural. The grip was too tight, and both were too stiff. They weren't happy or in love. No one would believe this. Ashton should find a new job. Calum had warned him that it was a risky job, it would be hard, and Ashton had to be prepared for that. Ashton didn't feel prepared at all. He should pull out of this before it was too late. However, it was already too late. Ashton realised that when he walked outside, and people were already taking pictures.

Now the world had seen him holding hands with Luke Hemmings. Ashton couldn't go back now. Ashton tried to remember how he felt last time he'd dated someone. Fuck, it was a long time ago. However, he remembered the fuzzy feeling, the smile he was unable to hide and how happy he'd been. Ashton wasn't happy with Luke by his side. But he just needed to pretend.

This wouldn't be easy. But nothing in life ever was. This was basically acting. A lot of actors pretend to love their co-workers when they, in reality, despised them. This was not different. Ashton didn't have much acting experience, but he had played Danny Zuko at their school's set up of Grease. What Ashton needed to do wasn't to make it look like he loved Luke, he just had to think of something he loved.

The fake couple walked down the streets with the camera blitz lighting up their way. And two bodyguards trying to help them from the worst of paparazzi. On the outside, Ashton may have looked like he was somewhat happy. Probably by sharing a very short walk hand-in-hand with Luke Hemmings. The reality, however, was that Ashton was thinking of cute dogs, Calum's dog, his best friend Calum, his family, Zayn Malik and stupid memories that always left him happy. Things that made him happy. This walk with Luke by his side didn't make Ashton happy.

Really the café was just across the street, so it was surprising how long it took them before they got there. Maybe because Ashton had to endure so much pain just to reach his destination, and this wasn't even the final destination. (Pain meaning being happy in the presence of Luke Hemmings.)

When the two of them finally got an outdoor table alone with no other person around for miles. (Ok, it was a few meters, but it was far enough to Ashton.) Not counting the paparazzi screaming for their attention and asking questions. Blitz hurting his eyes, with its constant flashing. Brian had told him to ignore the paparazzi – which had turned out to be easy. If Ashton faced their direction for longer than some seconds his eyes would hurt, so he tried not to.

His hazel eyes scanned the menu as if it was the most interesting thing Ashton had encountered this month. It wasn't, but it was better than small-talk with Luke Dirtbag Hemmings.

Of course, they would come to the point where they would eventually have to talk to each other, but Ashton wanted to stay in this awkward silence as long as he could. It was better than awkward small-talk.

Eventually, however, his phone made a buzzing sound. Ashton sneaked a glance at it wasn't surprising to see that it was a message from his boss, Brian.

"Brian says we have to talk more," Ashton mumbled to his fake boyfriend, but his eyes didn't live the menu. Deciding what he wanted to eat seemed more important than the man across from him.

"You mean talk?" Luke corrected him, and Ashton couldn't help but roll his eyes.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realise you cared about grammatical correctness when you don't care about your life," Ashton spat back, and Luke said nothing but only glared as an answer. If Brian was here, he'd probably smack them both. Not that he didn't have a reason to.

They fell silent again, and Ashton started to feel awkward again, this time he didn't prefer the awkward silence. Because the paparazzi was getting harder to ignore.

"Just tell me a little about yourself," Ashton tried. He wasn't interested, but anything was better than this.

"Just google my name, I'm sure you'll find a lot of nice shit on Wikipedia," the blond replied. Ashton wanted to smack him, and he probably would've to if they weren't surrounded with paparazzies.

"Whatever. Just tell me what your favourite Disney movie is," Ashton grumbled. He had no intention of googling Luke. Why should he?

"It's Cars," Luke mumbled.

"Your favourite movie is Cars? You think I'd believe that?"

"Not Cars, Cars 2."

"Cars 2? Really?" Ashton asked, not believing the blond even for a minute.

"What? It's a good movie. Like, have you seen it? It's funny, and Lightning McQueen isn't that arrogant prick he was in the first movie. Plus, how can you say no to spy Bill. Honestly, it's so funny. That scene when Bill eats the wasabi never fails to crack me up. I remember when I was fifteen and went to Japan for the first time. They gave me sushi and wasabi are usually served along. But my stupid ass didn't know that.

"So, I was like. What the fuck is that raw fish and that green shit, and I ate the whole thing. Brian had to run around to get me some sort of diary product, and when he finally found one it had jelly in it. I love Japan, but it's a weird country."

Ashton said nothing as he saw the blond ramble on about his favourite Disney movie. This was the first time he saw this side of Luke. A side that was less shit, and it honestly surprised him a lot.

"What?" Luke asked, with an annoyed voice when he noticed Ashton staring. And the nice side of Luke was gone. Like it never had been there. Ashton felt disappointed, but he knew that he couldn't expect much anyway. Luke Hemmings was an asshole, there was no beating around the bush about that one.

"Nothing," Ashton mumbled.

"And what's your favourite Disney movie?" Luke asked, but he didn't seem to care. It was evident in his voice that he was indifferent regardless of whatever Ashton was going to reply.

"I like Mulan," Ashton said, but he didn't go further as of why he liked the movie, and Luke only scoffed in acknowledgement. He didn't care, just like Ashton predicted.


	5. Doge walks and fake talks

Next fake date was only two days later. Luke had hoped for it be further away, but Brian had really meant it when he said that this week would be the week where they showed of Ashton. This time, however, wasn't just a stupid café date at a café where Luke never had to be again. No, this time it was much closer to home.

Or rather, it was a street away from Luke's home in Los Angeles. Brian, or his team around him, had, had this fantastically stupid idea that their next date should be Ashton and Luke walking Petunia. Because why wouldn't Luke show his precious dog to his stupid fake boyfriend?

Like it would matter if Ashton met his dog or not. And dog walking wasn't a good date idea either. They should watch a movie or have a candlelit dinner if his team really wanted him to go date. Hell, even just catching a coffee was more romantic than walking Luke's pet.

But Luke had, as usual, no fucking choice. Because once you're a junkie or an alcoholic your opinion doesn't matter. Luke knew this. So, there he was, waiting for that stupid, fake boyfriend to show up, with Petunia in a leash. Petunia has been anything but perfect, but Luke couldn't find it in him to care. He loves his dog, don't get him wrong. But Luke couldn't love his dog and hate Ashton at the same time. It was just too much, he could only focus on one at the time. At this very moment, Luke had decided that hating Ashton was somewhat more important.

Not more important than Petunia, just more important than admiring her cuteness.

He was just standing outside of his house, but Luke wanted to go back inside, badly. Luke hadn't used anything or drunk any alcohol for a week, yet it felt like he was experiencing a bad hangover. His head was aching. His sight was slightly blurry, but there wasn't anything Luke couldn't overcome. A little pounding couldn't stop him. Though it was a perfect excuse.

Luke, however, knew that if he even tried to tell Brian he felt bad the man wouldn't believe him, or just accuse him of drinking. Though in reality he was probably just experiencing the absence of alcohol. Luke gritted his teeth together in aggravation when a black car showed up in his street. Luke could recognize the car as Brian's any day. That's what you get for working with the man for half your life. Not that Brian had only owned one car through Luke's career, but Brian was probably the human Luke spent the most amount of time with. It would be foolish not to recognize the man's car.

The car in itself was a nice, expensive car, and it wasn't the black car who made Luke sigh in annoyance. It was the passenger inside. Ashton fucking Irwin. They were minutes, seconds, to being back to acting like a couple. However, it was so obviously fake. None of them wanted to be there, and even a five-year-old could tell that. That was if a five-year-old ever saw him and Ashton Irwin together.

Luke had acting experience from his early career when he starred in different children's show, but he'd abandoned acting for music. He was a much better artist than an actor – when he was sober that is.

The car pulled over for only a second and Brian exited the car. Followed by Ashton. Luke had, of course, known he'd be inside the car – yet he had hoped for Ashton not to be there. To avoid the inconvenience of breathing the same air as Ashton. Obviously enough, Ashton had been brought along. Just like Luke had expected but hoped he could avoid.

"I'm not gonna repeat myself," Brian said, "you both know the plan. Just, Luke be nice." With that, the man took off, and the black car sped off like it never had been there. Luke watched the car disappear out of his street before he acknowledged Ashton. The blond could see that it annoyed Ashton to the end of the world and back, so, he spent no energy trying to hide his smirk.

"How much do you want for taking a taxi back to the cheap hotel you came from?" Luke asked, and his eyes looked directly into Ashton's hazel ones. Ashton looked like he was about to say a lot of stuff, like how he didn't live in a cheap hotel, but he kept his mouth shut until he had gathered his thoughts.

"I don't want your money, I just don't want to lose my job." Luke wasn't satisfied with that answer, and once again he gritted his teeth. Why did his fake boyfriend have to be Ashton? And why did it have to be a boyfriend?

"No, but seriously, how much? I have better things to do," Luke claimed. Honestly, Luke was just curious how much Ashton wanted to lose his job. A hundred thousand dollars? Two hundred thousand?

"You have better things to do than cleaning up your life?" Ashton asked, venom evident in his voice. Luke was ready to reply yes until he realised how stupid that would sound. Ashton grabbed his hand way too hard and dragged him along. Ashton didn't know this neighbourhood, Luke knew this for sure because it was too expensive for him. Yet Ashton was walking in the right direction, this only led to the conclusion that Brian had probably briefed Ashton in the car.

Usually, Luke would adore Petunia without a second thought, but today she betrayed him. Well, it wasn't really her fault, she was just being a good girl who was excited about a walk. But the fact that she was exited dragged the reluctantly Luke Hemmings forward. Helping Ashton, the fake boyfriend.

Only five minutes of hell, holding Ashton hand too tightly with his left hand, and holding Petunia's leash in his right they "accidentally" stumble into paparazzi. Who was ridiculously lucky meeting the two of them. As soon as they're spotted and recognized the flash was like constant blinking. Luckily though, the sun was up so the flash has less effect. Ashton, however, didn't dare to look in the direction of the camera. He tried to ignore the paparazzi's, and ignore the blond slowly killing his hand. If they kept their fingers intertwined for a long amount of time, Ashton was sure blood would stop flowing to his hand.

"We should talk about something," Ashton mumbled, and Luke only scoffed.

"Like what?" Luke found himself reply. He wasn't very interested in talking to Ashton, but there was also this part of Luke who wanted to fight Ashton. Until Ashton grew tired and quits his job. At least that's what Luke was rooting for. By the looks of it, Luke gave Ashton two weeks maximum.

"I don't know, anything."

"Like how you're crushing my hand?" Luke hissed.

"Yeah, sorry princess. I was busy saving your reputation so I couldn't think about your silk hands," Ashton replied crudely. And Luke wanted to kick Ashton in the balls, but he didn't only because he didn't want to hurt Petunia. That was the only reason. He couldn't care less about the cameras.

Luke didn't reply, he only crushed Ashton's hand with equal strength, but quit when he felt Ashton's grip loosen a little.

"What's your dog's name?" Ashton tried. He didn't want to have a conversation with Luke Hemmings, but he was paid to do this. He just needed the money, and the payment was pretty sweet. He could endure this for the money. At least that's what Ashton told himself.

"Her name is Petunia," Luke replied and smiled fondly at his dog. This was the second time Ashton saw Luke somewhat happy, but again he didn't comment it. It wasn't in his place to comment something like that, and he knew the half-pleased smile would disappear instantly if he did. Besides, it wasn't like Ashton liked Luke or anything, he just didn't want that smile to go away.

"She's cute, how long have you had her?"

"Since my last real relationship," Luke replied harshly, but Ashton didn't feel affected. He knew it was a fake relationship. What did Luke expect, that he'd catch for feeling for Luke or something? If Luke really thought so he should get over himself.

There was no way in hell that Ashton would ever feel something expect for hatred towards the arrogant prick called Luke Hemmings. No way.

"The one with Sierra?" Ashton asked curiously.

"Yes," Luke replied annoyance visible in his voice.

"Why are you so annoyed? It's not my fault you cheated." And then they were back at it again, bickering. It seemed like the only thing they agreed on was that they hated each other.

That stung, Luke would give him that, but he said nothing. Instead, he smiled for the camera, even though his smile was fake. So fake. When was the last time Luke didn't smile for a camera? Luke looked over at Ashton petting his dog, and hate filled his entire being.

Luke hated Ashton.


	6. The smell of cigarettes

Hell erupted with Brian's next proposal. Well, Luke would call it a demand. A proposal meant that he'd ask Luke something, and Luke had the opportunity to accept or decline the request. He had no chose in this matter, so it was a demand. Brian demanded something, and Luke had to follow the orders. Because that's what it was. Orders. Luke had to follow them, willingly or unwillingly. Brian didn't care if Luke wanted this or not, as long as he did it. (And he always ended up going through with it, because he again had no fucking choice.)

Luke had made life a little more hellish for his manager when he found about the next step of the fake dating plan. This wasn't the first time Luke made life hell for someone, and it wouldn't be the last either. Sadly.

The blond was going to New York for some interviews, for a mini-concert and most importantly to promote his tour. Before he'd kick start it with an America tour which quickly would evolve to a world tour. Now, Luke had been informed that Ashton would participate on the America tour, he'd hoped Ashton wouldn't be on the rest of the tour. Yet he had known deep in the back of his mind that there was no way Ashton wasn't coming. All this was, relatively, fine.

He could at least live with it if it meant he got a couple of days free from Ashton. To clear his mind, to feel something else than angry and irritated. To cool down and restart. Maybe, maybe Luke could tolerate Ashton more if he got this little break. He could at least try to get a fresh start with the brunet and try to not be a dick.

Luke didn't hate Ashton, though the boy annoyed him, he just hated the position the boy was in. He was paid to pretend he liked Luke. It was all so fake, and Luke couldn't trust him – because he was just paid to be around Luke. But the blond was even willing to ignore this fact if he got a little break. Luke was desperate for some time alone, and he'd even let Brian make sure he couldn't drink or do drugs just for some good sleep and some alone time. He was fucking desperate.

But, of course, didn't Brian or anyone else allow a tired celebrity to get some personal space. And Ashton? He was tagging along to New York.

"Does he really have to come?" Luke asked, once again. He'd lost count how many times he'd asked that question, Brian was getting sick of it. Especially when it was already decided. They were literally driving to the airport, what could Luke expect? That they'd make a sudden U-turn just to drop Ashton of? Unlikely.

"Yes," Brian answered tiredly. Could it be because of Luke's constant asking? Or was it maybe because he hadn't slept last night? Luke didn't know or care. He could tell Brian was tired, but it didn't mean Luke would give him less hell. Why should he? Brian spent a good amount of time to make sure Luke's life was hell, so why wouldn't Luke do the same to the older man?

"He doesn't need to," Luke tried to argue. Breathing heavy through his nose as an action to show irritation. His eyes flickered between the slightly bald man driving and the high way flashing before his very eyes. Luke couldn't wait to leave LA. He loved the warm weather here, but he'd grown to hate the toxic city. However, it was the only city that had a homey vibe to it.

Ever since Luke was a child actor Los Angeles had been the city, he spent the most amount of time, though he was originally from Australia. Luke had too many memories here, and he'd become his home-town. Luke felt like a stranger in Sydney and couldn't find himself to move somewhere else. Though he hated the city because it reminded him of the industry, he'd fallen victim to.

"He's your boyfriend," Brian replied as if it wasn't obvious. Luke wasn't stupid, even though he did stupid things all the time. He knew that Ashton was his "boyfriend", but he also knew that just being his boyfriend didn't mean he had to come with to New York.

"Fake boyfriend," Luke corrected. He heard Brian sigh an annoyed sigh, and Luke wondered how much longer he'd have to keep up this façade before Brian would quit him. How much of an asshole would it take before Ashton quit before Brian quit? Was it possible to push everyone away by being a jerk? Luke was certain it was possible, so far it had worked effectively. He'd even pushed away Michael, his childhood best friend.

"Luke, he's coming with. You know why? To make it believable. End of discussion." Luke didn't reply. He just looked at Brian with his piercing blue eyes, scowling slightly. He looked at him for a while, creating tension in the car. Until he decided it was time to annoy Brian some more. As if the man hadn't gone through enough. Luke picked up a pack of cigarettes and quickly ignited the cigarette before Brian could say anything. Brian hated the smell of cigarettes, and the second-hand smoke. Because of the very reason they were in the car Brian could walk away from the smoke.

It was a bad habit Luke had picked up just to annoy Brian – and boy did it work. Luke inhaled the smoke which would slowly kill his lungs, but Luke couldn't find himself to care about his lungs. He did so many things that would eventually shorten his life. Like the constant drinking or the drugs – some cigarettes seemed like nothing in comparison.

The nicotine didn't really do anything to calm his nerves or help him. Luke didn't particularly enjoy smoking and rarely did it by himself. It was purely to annoy Brian. Luke too hated the smell, and how it would stick around for days on his clothes, in the car or in a room. But he still did it, just to see the scowl evident on Brian's face as he tried not to inhale the toxic smoke.

"Please don't smoke in my car," Brian said, this time with an irritated voice. How much more with the man handle before he gave up Luke? The blond didn't answer and only blew the smoke in the direction of Brian to be a bigger jerk than he already was.

Shortly after, Brian parked at the airport and Luke dropped the cigarette bunt on the ground, stepping on it to put out what was left of the fire. Ashton was already there, Luke could already see his silhouette, and his already grumpy mood dropped. However, he said nothing, too tired to start another discussion. He grabbed his bag and his suitcase and walked right passed Ashton. The brunet didn't seem to mind either. At least they agreed on not talking. Which wasn't what Brian wanted, but it was something.

Luke could hear Ashton and Brian start a conversation behind him, but he didn't care as he went to find his gate. He had his sunglasses on, a snapback and a hoodie over, trying to conceal his identity. It was hard being a public person in the public, every once and again stumbling into someone who begged for a picture. But today Luke was lucky. Not lucky enough to stop the fake dating, or lucky enough to find some joy in life again. Just lucky enough to not be stopped by a fan. He was sure he was recognized, but because of his attitude or reputation, no one stopped to ask for a picture or an autograph. Which was more than fine with Luke.

They boarded the plane not much later, and Luke was happy he got the window seat – even though Ashton was right beside him. It gave him an opportunity to face something else than Ashton, And Luke could sleep without feeling watched. As soon as the plane took of Luke was already sleeping. The tiredness finally getting to him. Luke would much rather sleep alone in his house with Petunia next to him, but he took what he got. What he got was a shitty plane ride, with turbulence and Ashton Irwin beside him. Not optimal, at all – but it was better sleeping next to the fake boyfriend than talking to him.

Luke awoke hours later. He couldn't really tell, because he hadn't checked the time yet. For a while, he tried to find back to the slumber feeling and fall back to sleep – but it proved to be impossible. The engine of the plane was too loud, the passenger's talking was uncomfortable background noise, not to mention Ashton's and Brian's failed attempt of a hushed conversation.

"What terms are you with Luke now?" Luke could hear Brian asked, and he shut his eyes completely. Trying to pretend he wasn't awake.

"Not good," Ashton only answered, and chuckled at the end of the sentence. However, it wasn't a real chuckle, more of a sad one. Which didn't make sense to Luke, why would Ashton be sad about that?

"Yeah, Luke has this thing where he pushes everyone away because he doesn't think someone will stay with him if he opens up," Brian explained, he tried to say it a whisper, but words still reached Luke.

"Why does it do that?" Ashton asked, "I mean, I get that he doesn't want a fake boyfriend, but why would he do something like that?"

"It isn't really my place tell, but he's gone through a lot. He's experienced some childhood trauma, that I think is the reason why he pushes away anyone who gets to close." Luke wanted to click his tongue in annoyance but held back to not be revealed. He didn't want Ashton to know about that. He didn't want anyone to know about it. However, he said nothing.

"I feel sorry for the guy, but it doesn't get him a free pass to act like a jerk," Ashton only replied, and didn't ask further about what the traumatic experience could be. For once Luke was grateful that Ashton was the one he was fake dating and not someone else who'd ask about it.


	7. I'll unstan if you're gay

The flight stopped, and for what Ashton knew Luke was still asleep. Only that he wasn't. His mind was very much awake. His thoughts were spinning like crazy, and there was also a feeling building up inside the blond. He could feel it deep in his bones, and it was clouding in his mind. He could only think about the incident years prior to now.  
The feeling had a grip on his heart – so it felt – and thus his heart was beating rapidly. The feeling was fear, Luke recognized it.

He'd felt fear before and would probably feel it more in the future. It was inescapable. The reason that left the blond so frightened was the fact that Ashton knew. He knew. Ashton didn't know what had happened, and never would Luke tell him either.  
But Ashton knew Luke had gone through something. ¨

What if Ashton asked about it? Luke might be able to tell the honey-brunet to fuck off, for the moment. But if Ashton pressed the matter, one day in weakened state Luke would tell everything. Luke knew this. His greatest fear was to tell someone about it – once he acknowledged it, it became real.

"Luke," Ashton shook lightly Luke's shoulder to wake him up. Not knowing the blond had been awake for an hour now. "We're here," he spoke so softly, and when Luke's blue eyes met Ashton's hazel's ones the fake boyfriend looked so innocent. Luke almost felt bad for snapping at him.

"Don't touch me," Luke said, getting up in a quick motion before assembling his things. They were the last ones to leave, which Luke preferred. He hated the endless queue on airports. Especially, if he was recognized in the queue.

However, Luke was recognized. He had barely stepped out of the plane before they were a group of girls surrounding him. Not only him but also Ashton, and it pissed off Luke even though his face remained the same. Ashton was only getting attention because he'd been seen holding hands with Luke, and on a lunch date together. Luke had yet to confirm or deny anything, but Ashton hadn't done anything for himself, he was only sharing Luke's spotlight.

"Luke!" A girl shrieked, and Luke was honestly surprised he still had fans after everything he'd done. His name seemed to gather everyone's attention, and suddenly he found himself surrounded by the small group of fans. Ashton too was surrounded, but the few people that had talked to him seemed to push him closer to Luke so they could talk to both at once.

"Luke, please take a picture with me," some girl said, Luke looked at the brunette who'd said it and only smiled slightly. People were taking pictures of the two while begging for a photo with him or an autograph.

"Who is he?" someone asked, and Luke felt Ashton freeze beside him. Fuck, why did Luke have to answer?

"Is that Ashton? I saw him on my Tumblr feed," someone else said, and Luke felt sick to his stomach. He'd never said anything about Ashton, and he'd never thought about it, but, of course, his fans would've found Ashton's social media. Trying to figure out who he was to Luke. All they'd find was that Luke followed him. Nothing else tied the honey-brunet to Luke on social media.

"Is he your boyfriend?"

"Are you gay?"

"I've been through thick and thin with you, but I'll unstan you if you're gay."

Luke too froze as he heard those words. It shouldn't mean anything to him, after all, he was straight. But it still meant something, soon he'd pretend he was dating Ashton. He already was, but soon enough the world would know that Luke swung both ways – though he didn't. Would he lose fans? Would he receive hate?

The blond was no stranger to hate from his fans and losing fans, what else could he expect from his actions? But he'd caused those himself, this wasn't something he could own up to. Because it wasn't his goddamn choice!

"I think," Ashton began and tried to collect his senses, "we need to go. We have ... a tight schedule." Ashton grabbed Luke's arm and made a motion signalizing that they were going to move.

"Yeah, uhm, thanks for coming," Luke said quickly to his fans, "but I need to ... go." He was still shocked, and let Ashton lead him away from the airport, though he was quick to pull away when they were out of sight.

Brian had caught a cab for them and waited for the two men outside. Luke was honestly just relieved to get away from the scene. It seemed safer and better to ignore the whole scene rather than to acknowledge that it had happened. This way Luke could live in denial like he constantly did.

[](https://ibb.co/gThnKLy)

lukehemmings: This is Ashton, he means a lot to me ❤️

michaelclifford: okay, but I thought I meant a lot to you

lukehemmings replied: @michaelclifford shut up, you know you do

mrs.hemmings: ew who is he???

l0singmymid: aww he was pretty cute <3

small-totoro: don't tell me you're gay

angellucy: why didn't you tag him I wanna follow?

dontforgetaboutme: is it too early to ship 'em??

miz.daddy: HANDSOME BOI

julian-see-tsar: okay, but first the café date, so the dog walk, then the airport and now this. Someone else seeing a pattern 👀 Lukey, got a bf

lame_lane replied: @julian-see-tsar they're just friends

julian-see-tsar replied: @lame_lane you wish they were "just friends"


	8. Moby dick drum solo

Luke wanted to kill Brian. This wasn't the first time the blond had felt such anger towards his manager, nor would it be the last. Luke, at least, thought he could handle Ashton being in New York with him – as long as he got some minutes alone. But why would Luke ever expect privacy?

The only privacy Luke had left was when he showered or went to the bathroom. Because Brian, the amazing fucktard of a manager, had decided that, of course, Ashton would share a hotel room with Luke – and not only room but also the bed. It had gone too far now. Luke just wanted to sleep alone, not to share a bed with Ashton.

Even in his sleep, he couldn't get some peace. And for what? A fake relationship? It wasn't like anyone would see them sleeping anyway, but Brian had this strange idea that someone would try to sneak into Luke's hotel room. The fake relationship would be ruined if someone were to discover that Ashton and Luke didn't share a bed. Luke disagreed strongly because he had yet to confirm a relationship with Ashton.

Sure, he'd been forced to post something about Ashton on his Instagram – but he hadn't said anything, but that Ashton meant a lot to him. Which, of course, was utter bullshit. Only idiots would actually think that Ashton meant a lot to Luke. Luke had no one he cared a lot about – in the past he used to have Michael, but even Michael had left him. And Luke was, like usual, left alone.

Besides meaning a lot to someone didn't equal to dating. There was a difference, and Brian should learn it!

"Brian, do we have to share the hotel room?" Luke asked. Of course, he knew that they had to, but there was this small hope that maybe Luke didn't have to if he asked nicely. Brian crushed the hope with a word.

"Yes."

"Just please?" Luke could hear the desperation in his own voice, but he didn't care. If he himself could hear it, it meant that the old geezer could hear it as well, and maybe – just maybe – would Brian pity Luke enough to book another room.

"Please?" Luke was surprised by Ashton's voice. Ashton was begging as well? Luke would never have guessed. He thought Ashton would do everything just for money, so it seemed anyway.

"Ashton, remember that this is your job," Brian warned, and Ashton was quick to seal his mouth. Though he desperately wished they didn't have to share a bed. Nothing good could come of sharing a bed with Luke, not when he got sent death glares from the blond. As if Ashton wanted this any more than Luke!

"Now both of you shut up and get going, your room is on the fifth floor, I don't want to see or hear anything about this. You're sharing a room. Period." Brian ended the discussion, and Ashton had no other choice than to grab his suitcase and to find his and Luke's shared room. Ashton was tired and just wanted to go to bed. Today had been hell, honestly. Travelling was always tiring with a grumpy junkie of a celebrity who had in for you was hell dressed up in skinny jeans.

Ashton could've handled the travelling if that meant he'd just get to sleep of the trip afterwards, but no Brian had other plans. Luke had been sent straight to the studio where he sang songs that he hated singing just as much as Ashton hated listening to them. That didn't matter though, Luke didn't write his own music, so he couldn't complain. He was more than welcome to write it if Ashton had understood the situation correctly, but usually, the blond was too high or too drunk to even bother. So, he ended up with shitty lyrics that his fans loved nonetheless.

What business did Ashton have in a studio? None. So, why did Ashton have to be there? Brian had a twisted idea of love that couples didn't go a place without each other. That was obviously wrong, but if Ashton dared to say anything Brian would always find a way to bring up how Ashton had signed a contract. Usually, just a blunt way saying, "remember you signed a contract."

When they arrived at the hotel room Ashton tossed his suitcase into the room, before some unexpected happened. Though Ashton should've expected as much. Luke had pushed him out of the room with a strong shove and locked the door. This would be okay if Ashton had a key card, but Luke had both key cards, and Ashton couldn't get in without Luke opening the door. Which wouldn't happen in a million years. Luke would never want to see Ashton voluntary.

"Open up the fucking door!" Ashton shouted through the door and knocked heavily on the door.

"Shut the fuck up!" Luke shouted back.

"Open the fucking door, idiot!"

"As if! Now shut the fuck up and go away, some of us are trying to sleep!"

"I'm trying to sleep. So, open up the fucking door before I kick it in!"

"C'mon, Irwin, kick it in!"

Ashton only sighed before picking up the and calling Brian. The man replied quickly but he didn't sound happy. But did he ever?

"What?" the man spat through the phone, and Ashton cringed.

"It's Luke, the room is-.." Ashton began, but Brian rudely interrupted him.

"I told you. I don't want to hear anything about this," he sneered, and Ashton sighed.

"But-.."

"Sort it out yourselves!" With that Brian hung up and Ashton was again left alone in the hallway of the hotel. The brunet just wanted to get some decent amount of sleep. He knew they'd be early up in the morning, so he just wanted to sleep the few hours he could before he'd go around the city pretending to love an unlovable asshole.

"Luke! Seriously! Open up the fucking door!" Ashton shouted again and kept knocking on the door. Ashton thanked God that he'd taken drumming lessons back in Australia and started to play half decent drum solos on the door. Just to annoy the blond. Trying sleep when Ashton was playing the door like it was the best drum he'd ever used.

Ashton was in the middle of drumming the drum solo of Moby Dick by Led Zeppelin when Luke harshly yanked up the door. The boy on the other door was ready to kill Ashton, and Ashton only smiled an award-winning smile because he'd won. Luke hadn't been able to ignore it, which was fine by Ashton because Ashton was ready to drum the entire Led Zeppelin II album if he had to.

"Shut the fuck up!" Was all Luke shouted back.

"Technically, I didn't say anything," Ashton said, and Luke scoffed as an answer. Ashton tried to push past Luke, but it seemed to be in impossible. Luke wouldn't irk of his place where he was squeezed between the door and the wall.

"Here's your wallet, now take the money you make of fake dating me and buy yourself, a nice hotel room, good night," Luke tossed the wallet in Ashton's face, and while Ashton was trying to recover his senses again the door was shut and locked.

"I fucking hate you!" Ashton shouted through the door. God, if Ashton didn't do this for the money, he'd never be able to get through this.

"The feeling is mutual!" Luke shouted back, and Ashton knew that was the last reply he'd get from Luke this night. Nothing he'd do would make Luke reply, so he went down to reception trying to get them to give him an extra key card.

This had to be the worst day of Ashton's entire life, at least close to it. The receptionists didn't believe him, mostly because Ashton couldn't tell them the truth, because if he said he was fighting with Luke they'd ask why, and if they asked why then Ashton would plump out with the truth. His shitty excuse was unbelievable, and Brian refused to pick up his call to confirm Ashton had arrived with them. Luke didn't pick up either, no surprise either. And Ashton was not about to spend a couple of hundred dollars on a room for a night, he didn't have that kind of money. He had didn't even got his first salary.

The hotel kicked him out, in a friendly way. Telling him that if he wasn't booking a room he'd have to leave. So, Ashton did the only reasonable thing he could think of. He was gonna get so shitfaced that he couldn't feel he was tired. A stupidly smart plan.


	9. Wake-up call

"Welcome back to IHeartRadio," the host greeted into the mic and smiled slightly. Luke could guess the man loved his job, unlike himself. "Today's special guest, as I've been repeating like a broken record is the one and only ... Luke Hemmings! Welcome back to our station."

"Thank you, Benjamin. Always a pleasure to be here," Luke half lied, and could only remember being thrown out of one station. The reason him being too drunk, though, he could sadly not recall if it was this channel or BBC. However, the fact that he was welcomed back here made Luke pretty sure it was BBC.

"You told me through a text you would have a special guest joining you, now, where are they?" The man asked, looking through the small window to the other side of the room to prove the point that there was no one waiting outside for Luke. Not surprising, Luke had arrived alone.   
He had, after all, kicked Ashton out of the hotel room – and had been unable to find him the next morning. Not that Luke cared.

"Yeah, he's just a bit late. He's not familiar with New York," Luke replied and hoped for the love of God that Ashton would show up. Sure, if Ashton decided to pull out of this fake relationship, Luke would only be happy about it. He didn't need Ashton by his side. Not the slightest. What he did need, however, was Ashton showing up when Luke had promised that he would come. If not, it would only look unprofessional. Luke's bad rumour didn't help much.

"Well, it's not an easy city, especially for a tourist," Benjamin laughed, and Luke only nodded. Despite not finding the statement funny.

"Indeed," Luke only agreed.

"Now, tell me about the 'special guest'. I'm sure most of us are curious to see who it is. Could it be the boy from the café?" Luke smiled slightly, knowing he'd get questions about Ashton, despite the reason for hi being here was to promote his new album. Not talk about a fake relationship. "If I'm not mistaken, he's here in New York with you."

"Yeah, it's him," Luke only confirmed, not wishing to elaborate any deeper.

"Tell me about him? Is he your friend? Is he family? Is he your boyfriend?"

Luke had expected that question and managed to answer it with a straight face. "Ashton is a very special friend to me. He's helping me become a better man."

"Can you elaborate on that?"

"It's no secret I've ..." Luke didn't know how to phrase it, especially since there was probably 13-year-olds and younger listening to this channel. "had a rough year," Luke begun, wishing he could call out his own bullshit. "Actually years. I mean, I'm not doing very good right now, but I'm doing better." Luke wanted to greet his teeth in aggravation. This was stupid. The lies were stupid. And he didn't need a heart-warming story on why he was drinking because of past traumas and how Ashton came in and fixed it all. Because that was a Disney cliché that didn't happen in real life.

"Ashton's helping me do better." Luke could hear probably thousands of people awing at his fake story. The only thing that could top this was Ashton gripping Luke's hand and saying they help each other do better.

However, the little shit hadn't even shown up at the station, despite Luke clearly texting him the address and how to get there. Brian had probably too sent a message or two. However, the manager was in a meeting and didn't know Ashton wasn't present. Neither did Luke plan on telling the manager that Ashton had bailed.

Damn it, didn't Ashton have a contract or anything preventing him to bail and leave Luke alone like an idiot? Sure, Luke had probably acted like douche kicking him out of the room, but Luke wasn't preventing Ashton in any kind of way to be here.

After a while Benjamin said they'd take a quick commercial break, and that they'd return shortly after. Allowing Luke to take a breather. He hated to talk about Ashton, and he hated, even more, to talk about his music. How hype he was to show it to the world when it was trash. Even he knew it was trash. He hadn't done anything for the songs besides singing the words like the people at the studio had told him. And in two weeks everyone would be able to listen to the trash that would be known as Luke's new album.

Luke hated it.

The moment Luke got into the breakroom he picked up his phone and tried to call Ashton. The brunet didn't pick up. So, Luke called again. And again, and again, and again. Luke decided to leave a message on the sixth unanswered call.

"Where the fuck are you?" Luke hissed into the phone. "You were supposed to be here an hour ago. Get your lazy ass over here before I call Brian, and you'll be in deep shit. Stop making me look like an idiot!" Luke pressed end call after that and frowned at his phone. Hoping Ashton would appear mysteriously somehow, or at least return his call.

That's when Luke noticed Ashton had tried to call him several times. First, he had two missed calls from around ten PM, Luke was pretty sure that was around the time he'd gone to bed. Then he had five missed calls from the brunet later at three AM. What the fuck had Ashton done up at that hour? And was that the reason he wasn't here? Because he'd slept in?

Luke discovered Ashton had also left him a message after those five missed calls. Hesitantly, he clicked on it, so he could hear the message from Ashton. Curious what the brunet felt he needed to say to Luke at 3 in the morning.

"You're a cunt, you know?" the message began, and Luke sighed. Ashton was drunk. Luke should know, drunkenness was second nature for Luke. Was Ashton too hungover to show up here? Why was Ashton drinking at a time like this? Was the brunet an idiot? (Well obviously, but still.) Why the fuck was Ashton out drinking? Especially when Ashton was supposed to prevent Luke from doing so.

"I hate you. You're so fucking selfish. You only care about yourself. I mean, we don't have to like each other, but it would've made my life easier. I guess you can't make friends. You sure as hell ain't good at keeping them. Guess who I ran into? You'll never guess. Michael!" This was followed up by Ashton laughing, and Luke was almost shitting himself.

Was Michael in New York? Why hadn't the blond man said anything? (Maybe because Michael tried to keep his distance from Luke after Luke had ruined their friendship?) What had Michael told Ashton? Judging from what Ashton said Michael had said a lot, and Luke had it.

Ashton already hated Luke, he'd exclaimed as much outside their hotel door, but still, then his insight on how much of a shit person Luke was, was limited. Luke wanted to control what Ashton knew about him because it made Luke feel in control. He knew what Ashton knew and didn't know, which meant that Luke strived to be better by fixing the flaws Ashton could see.   
Not that Luke wanted to impress Ashton, but he had control over his own life and was able to keep people out of his life if that's what he wished. (And that's what Luke wanted because it hurt less when people had enough of Luke and left.)

"You're so fucking selfish," Ashton repeated, "'go buy yourself another hotel room', have you ever considered the fact that I fucking can't. You don't know me, Hemmings. I'm just doing this shit for the money. To feel a bit richer than I would from a nine to five job. It wouldn't be worth the money, 'cause you're a shit person. I like to think people are good even if it's buried deep inside, but I'm not too sure about you, Hemmings."

With that, the message ended, and Luke felt like he was slapped in the face. The voice mail explained why Ashton wasn't here. He probably wouldn't come. And it was all Luke's fault. Luke wanted to laugh, this was what he'd wanted, right? To drive Ashton away from him, to keep up the cold front, so no one could see how hurt inside he really was.  
But not like this, something inside Luke whispered.

He wanted Ashton away, but not like this. He wanted Ashton to at least scream at his face how much he hated him before he went away. And he wanted Ashton to come here because now Luke was standing here like an idiot who'd promised Ashton's arrival when Ashton was probably leaving New York at this point.

Luke's phone vibrated, and Luke expected it to be Brian yelling at him on how Ashton was leaving because of him, much to his surprise it wasn't his shitty manager calling him. It was Ashton.

"Try not to let your temper explode, I'm on my way," Ashton said in a tired voice. Luke could smell the hungover from miles away.

"I thought you wouldn't show up after your very nice voicemail," Luke said through greeted teeth, to hide that the voicemail had actually hurt him.

"I don't give up that easily. I won't give you the satisfaction of seeing me leave," Ashton mumbled through the phone, and Luke snorted. However, he was thankful for knowing Ashton hadn't ditched him. And Luke wouldn't look like a fool, who'd promised Ashton arrival, only for the brunet to never show.

"We're starting again in two minutes," Luke said and looked at the clock, that counted down the commercial break. "Try not to reek of alcohol when you come."

"Don't worry, they'll just think it comes from you," Ashton said, and Luke was unsure if Ashton was teasing him or making fun of him. However, Luke guessed the latter. Ashton had no reason to be nice around Luke. "I'm in the elevator now, see you soon, babe." The word to so many was just a cute pet name, the way Ashton said made Luke dread the next time Ashton called it again. Even if it was just a word it was filled with so much hatred, and Luke sighed before he hung up.

Would Ashton always hate him? Would Ashton even believe Luke if Luke told him that some part of him was still good?

Thirty seconds or so later Ashton stumbled into the room, and he looked like he'd been to hell and came back. He looked bad. If Luke should guess Ashton hadn't slept the entire night. Luke stopped acting like a hurt animal and put up the familiar cold front.

"You look like shit," Luke greeted the brunet.

"Yeah, well I wanted to change and shower, but it was a bit hard since I don't have my things. Or a hotel room," Ashton snapped back, and Luke kept his mouth shut. Knowing that if he provoked the honey-haired male any further he'd end up being punched. And Luke didn't need that kind of scene right now.

"Just," Luke took off his leather jacket and packed it around Ashton, "take this, and fix your hair." Luke checked his pockets to see if he had some mint drops or anything on him, he usually did when he tried to hide his alcohol breath from Brian. Despite, the fact that he hadn't drunk since meeting Ashton. Well, more that he wasn't allowed to.

Luckily, Luke found a half packet of gums. "For your breath," Luke mumbled and handed the packet to Ashton who accepted it without saying as much as a thank you. Not that Luke had accepted anything from Ashton. Not gratitude, not a smile. Nothing, and he received nothing.

"Oh, you're Luke's special friend! I'm Benjamin, the host," the sand-blond male greeted Ashton excited, and Ashton's attitude took a U-turn and Ashton turned into a ray of sunshine.

"Yes, I am. Nice to meet you, Benjamin. I'm sorry for my delay, but my uber set me off at the wrong address and Google Maps was just confusing me." Ashton lied, and Luke almost believed it himself if he didn't recognize the small signs of a hungover.

"No worries, mate," Benjamin brushed off. The host on the other side didn't seem to recognize any signs of a hungover. Luckily for the two of them. "We're starting in a minute or so. We need to be seated in thirty seconds. Ashton, you can just wait here. I'll talk more with you next break." With that Benjamin rushed of saying something about talking to the producer.

"You still look like trash," Luke said, though Ashton looked better in Luke's leather jacket. Luke reached his right hand up to Ashton's face before he slightly arranged his hair, so it didn't look as bad, and Ashton let him. However, they were quick to back away from each other when Luke deemed his hair presentable.


	10. Hospital visits

Ashton could admit doing many stupid things in life. Not getting enough sleep in New York seemed to be the worst thing yet.

Now, this wasn't Ashton's fault. Not really. Ashton tried to sleep, but Luke was hellbent on not sharing the room. Which was annoying as hell, Ashton could admit that. However, Ashton had managed to sneak a key card from Luke's leather jacket during the radio interview. And the blond hadn't noticed it was gone. If he had, he had chosen not to comment it. So, Ashton had access to the room.

Which was a start? Ashton managed to slip in and out of the room when he knew Luke wasn't there to take a shower and change his clothes, but never did he have time for anything else. Not even a power nap.

Brian dragged the two of them around New York like they were rag dolls. Ashton didn't get any time for himself. There was always a photo shoot, an interview, some recording, other studio stuff happening. Places to be and people to meet, and Ashton had to come to every god damn meeting, every godforsaken interview – though he just lingered backstage like a fourth wheel.

He didn't need to be there, Ashton knew it. Brian knew and Luke knew it. The precious time spent on seeing sing the same chorus for an hour, Ashton could've used to sleep. However, he was not granted such. The only free time they got was when they could sleep, and Luke refused to share the room. Even locking the door from the inside making it impossible for Ashton to get inside, despite having a key card.

Ashton did, however, have a pretty good plan. If he thought so himself, but maybe he was biased, being the one coming up with the plan? It was foolproof nonetheless. Ashton slept at the day time, and Luke could sleep at the night time. Ashton could stay up all night if that meant he could get some decent sleep in the morning.

Now, Ashton hadn't discussed this plan with Luke – but he couldn't see how Luke could disagree to plan like that. They both got to sleep, and they could avoid the other like the other person didn't exist. The only thing that actually came in between Ashton and this genius plan was the self-proclaimed-amazing-manager. Brian the dirtbag. Ashton had grown to hate the many, almost as much as Luke did.

A second thing they could agree on.

But maybe Ashton hatred originated from the fact that he hadn't slept in two going on three days? It was possible. However, it was also possible that Brian was a dickhead that held too much power over Luke and Ashton. Not that Ashton cared if Luke had a good or bad manager, it wasn't his business, but it was inevitable to see. Brian had too much power and liked it that way, and Luke was too drunk most of the time to see he was being used, and probably didn't have the help to get out of the contact.

Ashton should've slept, despite it wasn't his fault he wasn't getting any. It was mainly Luke's, and slightly Brian's. Ashton should've slept because it was healthy going on your third day without sleep. That's why it wasn't surprising why Ashton fainted from exhaustion right before a big interview for Luke.

It was a bit dramatic actually, they were on their way to Luke's dresser when Ashton crashed into the floor like he was a Disney princess. The last thing Ashton saw before he passed away, from hitting his head on the floor, was Luke standing over him talking to him. But it sounded muffled to Ashton like Luke was standing far away from him. Even though he was right there.

When Ashton woke up, he expected to be in the hallway. Seeing Luke standing over him, and maybe Brian to if he'd seen the scene, but he was wrong. So wrong. Ashton woke up in a hospital bed. His eyes looked outside and he could see it was dark outside. How long had he been passed out, Ashton wondered?

The room was empty, except for some chair which was empty too. Where was Ashton? Ashton could obviously tell he was in a hospital, but he didn't know where. Shouldn't someone be here to give him this sort of information? Because it actually scared Ashton waking up alone not knowing anything, and not seeing anyone he could ask. He wasn't stupid enough to get out of bed, even if he wasn't plugged up to a machine.

His back head hurt a little Ashton noticed now, and he guessed it was the part of his had that had taken the fall. However, with the exception of the head, nothing else hurt. Ashton felt fine for the most part, and he doubted he needed to stay here for long. After all, Ashton's only problems were not getting enough sleep. Judging from the darkness outside he had slept a good amount. Especially since the interview had been early in the morning. That was if it was still the same day. Ashton doubted he'd slept for 36 hours, but you never knew. Especially when you just passed out, and the next thing you knew you were in a hospital.

A familiar figure walked into the room, and for once Ashton was happy to see Luke because that meant that he wasn't alone. The blond was holding a coke and Ashton guessed Luke had taken a break to buy it at a vending machine.  
Which meant Luke had been here for some time. Was Luke really waiting for Ashton to wake up? Who would've known Luke Hemmings was capable of feeling?

At least, that's what Ashton guessed. That Luke was here because he felt guilty. Ashton wouldn't have passed out if Luke had just let him sleep in the bed.

"Oh, you're awake," was the way Luke greeted him, but his voice was quieter than usual. Almost as if he was afraid that Ashton could shatter if his voice went any louder. "You've been out for almost 12 hours," Luke told him and took a seat next to Ashton.

"I still feel tired," Ashton only replied in lack of anything better.

"How are you feeling?" Luke asked, and the way Luke asked he looked like he was twelve years again. That child actor Ashton had grown up knowing about, but not really caring for.

"Tired, and my backhead kinda hurts," Ashton replied shrugging. A way of saying he'd be fine. He'd live through it, this was just a bump in the road.

"I'm sorry," Luke apologized and his blue eyes refused to leave Ashton's. Ashton could see the sincerity in Luke's eyes, but he was still caught off guard.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"I'm sorry for being a dick and making this happen. I never meant for it to go this far," Luke mumbled the last part. Ashton wanted to say he forgave Luke, but the truth was that he didn't. He didn't forgive Luke, he couldn't. Not yet.

"I know you're sorry, but I'm not ready to forgive you," Ashton said, and Luke still looked sad. Finally, showing other emotions than anger and arrogance.

"I know," Luke mumbled, and got up, "I, uh, I'll look for your doctor and tell her you woke up." With that Luke exited the room, and Ashton was thankful for the blond's leave. It was just awkward having him around because Ashton didn't know how to act around him when he was "nicer". Luke still wasn't nice, he was just not mean.

His doctor entered shortly and smiled at the sight of him being awake.

"Your boyfriend is so cute," she began, and Ashton furrowed his brows. What exactly did she mean? Luke was many things, but cute was not one of them. And they weren't exactly boyfriends either, just fake. "He carried you bridal style all the way to your bed, and he refused to leave you. He's been here for twelve hours. I'm sure you guys make a cute couple," she continued, as she started doing routine check-ups.

"Uh, yeah," Ashton found himself agreeing because he didn't have the nerves to tell her that he wouldn't date Luke even if he was the last man on Earth.


	11. None of your business

Brian was pissed. It seemed like the man only had two moods. Anger and fear. Fear for losing money, losing fame, losing Luke as a client. Fear for Luke staining his good name and reputation. This led to stress. Brian was a very stressed man. Ashton had never seen the man relaxed. Not even close. He was just less stressed.

Now, however, wasn't Brian afraid or stressed. He was pissed. Anger probably burning through his veins. And Ashton thought of it as unjust. It wasn't Ashton's fault he hadn't gotten any sleep, and Brian wouldn't listen to him when he tried to talk about it.

"Why did you tell me?" Brian sounded nice, but he wasn't. It was only a matter of minute before hell erupted.

"I tried to, but you wouldn't let me," Ashton only replied, still lying in the hospital bed. Honestly, he wasn't in the mood for this. He wanted to sleep, and maybe then would he have the energy to deal with Brian?

"Now, don't lay the blame on me," Brian said, and with that, he dismissed the idea of him ever having partly some of the blame. Now, Ashton knew it wasn't Brian's fault Ashton hadn't slept, it was Luke's and his own. However, if Brian had been more welcoming Ashton would've told him, instead of finding out when it was too late.

"I'm not, I'm just saying I tried to tell you sooner," Ashton answered, and Brian probably pretended not to hear Ashton.

"And Luke how could you let this happen?" Brian made it sound nice, but it wasn't. Even Ashton could tell as much, and he didn't know the man too well.

"I-..." Luke began but didn't dare continue. If he did, he'd only be in bigger trouble. 'I purposely kept Ashton out of the hotel room so he couldn't sleep' didn't sound well, not in Luke's mind, and neither would it if he said those words out loud.

"You purposely kept Ashton from sleeping," it wasn't an accusation, it was a statement.

"Well, when you say it like that-..." Luke began, but he didn't continue the sentence. He realised what he'd done was bad, evil even. Just because he was a spoiled brat didn't get it the way he wanted. And he'd let it go out on Ashton. It was unfair to the brunet because the brunet hadn't wished for this any more than Luke. However, he hadn't intended for that to happen. When he decided that Ashton couldn't enter the hotel room, he hadn't hoped for Ashton to end up hospitalized. It was still selfish even if he had or hadn't rooted for this consequence.

"Ashton's hospitalized because of you, you did this, Luke," Brian said, he didn't yell but he might as well have done it. Both Luke and Ashton understood how angry the man was. Not because he pitied Ashton, not the slightest, but because this looked bad for Luke's and his own image.

"I didn't mean to," Luke answered, and Ashton almost felt sorry for Luke. He sounded so small, so regretful, just because his manager was yelling at him. Ashton didn't feel sorry for Luke though, it was hard to pity the blond when he'd been such an ass to him.

"You've created such a fucking mess," Brian spoke voice laced with annoyance, "you're so useless."

Ashton frowned hearing Brian muttering such mean words. Now, he totally agreed that Luke had created a mess and that this was avoidable if he was less of a brat, but calling him useless? It was a bit much. If Brian talked like that to Luke every time, he did something wrong, since becoming his manager he was probably some of the reason why Luke had obvious problems with his confidence. Because his manager didn't believe in him and made him feel small.

Maybe Brian was part of the reason why Luke was a little shit? Brian wasn't a saint himself, so it was more than possible.

"Hey, don't call him useless," Ashton said from the hospital bed, not even knowing why he bothered defending an asshole like Luke. Maybe because the tall male looked so vulnerable at the moment?

The balding male turned from glaring daggers at Luke and shot Ashton a nasty look at Ashton. Almost asking why Ashton cared. Luke and he wasn't dating, not friends, not even something that could look like acquaintances. They were nothing, why would Ashton defend him? Especially after Luke did this to him?  
Ashton didn't have any other reason than that it was wrong to talk that way, even if Luke was an ass. Luke talked like that, but there was no reason Brian and Ashton should get down at his level.

"Ashton, don't interfere," was all Brian told him after a couple of seconds. Ashton wanted to tell the manager how bullshit that was. First of all, this included him too, second, he could interfere when they decided to have this talk at his hospital room. Third, he hated people being put down by others, and he wouldn't tolerate Brian doing it to Luke – even if Luke did it to others. (But God, Luke was younger where do you think he learned it from?) However, despite all these good reasons Ashton kept his mouth. He didn't have the energy for a fight right now.

Brian was probably about to say more things, worse things – but was luckily interrupted by the female doctor that entered the hospital room. She smiled politely at Brian and Luke before walking closer to Ashton handing Ashton some pills and a glass of water. The hazel-eyed boy scanned the pills carefully for a while, and the doctor sensed his hesitation.

"Don't worry it's just vitamins," she reassured him before Ashton swallowed the pills and drinking the water.

"So, we've checked up on you, and you're good to go. I'd recommend you get some sleep when you get home because your body is still tired, but else from that, you're free to leave. Nothing serious happened except the fact you passed out from exhaustion, please never pull something like that again. Sleep might not seem that important, but I can assure you it really is," she told him. A smile was evident in her features, but Ashton can tell she was slightly annoyed. Almost like she was thinking of him as an idiot that passed out from exhaustion just because he couldn't be bothered to sleep. – It aggravated Ashton a little because she didn't know the full story, but he just thanked her before he got his belongings and exited the hospital together with Luke. Brian wasn't coming with them.

Outside, just like Ashton had anticipated – however, rooted for wouldn't be, was paparazzi. There weren't a lot of people four people probably, not that Ashton was counting, but it was still a bit overwhelming. He was fresh out of the hospital, and he just wanted back to the hotel room and sleep some more. Not to talk to the press – because he knew they had questions. Questions better answered than that they made up a story that would end up viral.

"Luke, tell us about your hospital visit!" A guy shouted.

"How was the hospital, Luke! Why were you in?" Another almost screamed in Ashton's air. The brunet hadn't expected this outcome though he probably should've. They obviously thought Luke was the one who was hospitalized because out of the two of them Luke was the one who had a history with drugs and alcohol. And though he hadn't been in the media for weeks now with a new scandal that didn't mean he was off anything.

Luke didn't reply, he just ignored them, and tugged Ashton with him, when the hazel haired boys topped in his tracks. Luke was probably not going to reply Ashton realised. One thing that he didn't want to talk to the press. However, this story wasn't much better than Luke doing drugs (the media would for sure make it look like domestic violence). And who would even believe Luke if he said he wasn't at the hospital? Luke was probably going to ignore the media, and they'd all write a false article about him doing drugs, when Luke had been clean for weeks, and that was unfair.

It was unfair that assumptions like that would be made about Luke just because he had the history had. Why did no one ask Ashton if he was the one who was hospitalized? Why did they judge Luke before they had all the facts? They didn't know anything about the situation.

So, Ashton decided to speak up. "Actually, I was the one who was hospitalized," Ashton said. "Luke was just with me for support." The press looked at him wide-eyed before they looked at Luke. The camera was flashing like crazy waiting for any one of them to say anything, but they kept quiet. Not saying anything, but not moving either.

"Luke, can you confirm this?"

"Why were you hospitalized?"

"Luke, were you visiting your boyfriend?"

"I came with Ashton after he passed out from exhaustion. I'd rather not discuss my relationship with him," was all Luke said, and Ashton was a little impressed. This sounded so professional, like Luke was used to deal with the press (like he was) instead of just shouting curse words at that and telling them to mind their own business, like Luke, often did.

"Does that mean he's your boyfriend?" somebody pressed on, ignoring what Luke just said.

"Why did Ashton pass out from exhaustion?"

"Ashton, what's your relationship with Luke?"

"How did you meet Luke?"

"How long have you known each other?"

"Ashton, please give us a comment!"

"My health and relation to Luke isn't really your business," Ashton answered before they entered the taxi that took them away from the hospital. Driving them to the hotel Ashton longed to see.

"They're probably gonna call you rude now," Luke said after a moment in silence. "Luke Hemmings' Rude friend had this to say. Or maybe, Ashton Irwin had this rude comment." Luke laughed at the end, and Ashton smiled slightly along with the blond. Not because he found particularly funny, but because Luke was laughing. That was a miracle alone.

"Yeah, doesn't that make us the perfect couple?" Ashton answered jokingly, and Luke agreed by nodding. The car fell silent after that.


	12. Bathroom breakdowns

[](https://ibb.co/r6X02wS)

Lukehemmings: A lot of people has asked me over the past couple of weeks, who Ashton is, how we meet, how long we've known each other and let's not forget the most important part. If he's my boyfriend or he's my friend. I've dreaded this day, to be honest. Because I know how much negativity people are going to give me, and especially Ashton. I know a lot of you're going to be supportive, and I appreciate that. I know I have to say one time, and I'd rather say it in myself than forced during some interview. Ashton's my boyfriend, and I love him so much. I feel bad for not telling my amazing fans earlier, I just wanted to protect Ashton. I hope you guys understand. (look at my beautiful baby🥺). Please treat Ashton alright x

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An angry growl escaped Luke's lips, and he was happy no one was around to hear it. He'd been forced by Brian to make the Instagram post, and Luke hated it. Now the entire world knew something about him that wasn't true. That Luke was into males when he wasn't. Luke could only imagine the front pages tomorrow, they'd be filled with front-page coverage covering exactly this. That Luke Hemmings was gay, or bisexual.

He wasn't, but they didn't know that. His fans, media and the entire world only knew what Luke said – and he'd just said that Ashton was his boyfriend. Thus, not straight.

Luke hated this, how everyone felt the need to control his life. He couldn't do anything without someone judging him like they had the right to. They didn't, this was Luke's life. But apparently that didn't stop them. Brian had no right to tell Luke who he was supposed to date and who he wasn't supposed to date, especially for promotion. There were other ways to promote his music and his name than a fake relationship.  
Luke missed the old days where he could make music and that was the only thing that mattered.

Even music didn't feel like it used to. Making music used to make Luke feel so happy, it erupted sparks of joy. But now it was so dull, that Luke almost dreaded the next time he'd be forced into a studio. Maybe because he couldn't even make the songs he wanted to? They all said he could write his own songs, but whenever he tried to down, he was just shot down. "That's too vulgar." "You can't sing about that." "I don't think that'll sell." "That's not the kind of music we've been promoting."

Luke felt like a doll, he couldn't control any aspect of his life. If he did anything on his own initiative Brian would never fail to sweep in and "fix" everything, just so everything would go back to the terrible way it always had been.

God, what Luke would give for a drink. He craved alcohol. But he couldn't because even this part of his life was controlled. There wasn't anything that wasn't anything his life that wasn't controlled. Even how long Luke was allowed to sleep was controlled. Sometimes, more often lately, Luke wished he'd never become a celebrity.

He loved music, but that was about it. Nothing else about this lifestyle was worth keeping. Sometimes, Luke wished he'd never auditioned for that stupid children show, so he hadn't gotten the part. So, he could just be a normal man now, probably at university working in a job he hated, but at least the job would help ends meet. Right now, such lifestyle sounded more appealing and better, than the one he was living right now.

"Luke, are you done?" Ashton followed up with knocking on the door, "you've been in here forever, I want to shower too."

The blond had been locked inside the bathroom for too long, the shower was running, but he'd been sitting on the floor in only his underwear staring at the Instagram post for what, maybe twenty minutes? He'd zoned out, and he kept checking for comments – though he clearly remembered that he chose to disable the comments.

He just wished that he could get a comment about it. That someone would say something, Luke didn't even care if it someone supporting him. Even if it was hateful comments Luke wanted to read it because it was better than what he did now. He was just waiting. The meantime was the worst. He hated to wait, he just wanted to see how people reacted – because it was a lot better than this. This was slow torture to the blond.

"Luke," Ashton tried again, but Luke ignored him. He said nothing but decided to finally enter the shower. He stripped off his underwear before he entered the way too hot shower, but at least the hot shower made him think of something else. Even if his normally pale skin turned bright red.

The shower was way too short for Luke's liking, but he hurried in and out just so Ashton wouldn't question him. He'd already been in there too long. Luke wasn't in the mood to talk to brunet, so it was better if he just hurried up before Ashton would question him. Ashton did this strange thing where he obviously hated Luke, but yet he was too kind to hate anyone, even a jerk like Luke. So, he'd still be somewhat kind towards Luke, and Luke hated it.

Because it felt like Ashton hadn't given him up like he still believed that there was something good inside Luke. It made Luke feel like he actually had someone who cared about him, which he hadn't had in years. And that was a dangerous feeling because before Luke knew it, he would've opened up to Ashton and shared all his inner feelings. It was better to build walls around himself, not to let Ashton in to spare himself the heartbreak when Ashton left his side. Because he would, everyone did in the end.

"Took you long enough," Ashton muttered when Luke pushed past him to get out of the bathroom.

"Whatever," Luke mumbled as he went to his side of the double bed. It was strange looking at the bed like this, for a couple of days it had been Luke's bed. Not rightfully, but it had still been his alone, now he shared with Ashton – like he was supposed to do all the time.  
Once again. Luke realised he'd been acting like a spoiled brat, but he didn't do anything about it. He'd already said sorry, and he was. However, he had no intentions of befriending Ashton. Why should he? The brunet did this for the money, he didn't care about Luke. At least that what's Luke told himself because it was easier to push Ashton away that way.

Luke built a wall of pillows to separate their two parts in the middle before he went to bed. He just wanted this awful day to end. Because it had been an awful day, but it was hard to go to sleep when the blond knew that the next day would be equally worse. Not because he was having some rough days, but because he was living a life he hated.


	13. Compulsory kissing

"I'm sorry, we're supposed to what?!" Luke exclaimed, and his blue eyes flared up with so much hatred. If only he was allowed to kill Brian, he'd done it by now. He already knew of the perfect place where no one would find the body, and even if they did, they'd never tie the murder to Luke. When the police came to interview Luke because Brian was his manager if they managed to identify the body Luke would have no problems faking how much he cared for his manager. Luke could cry on command, his career started as a child actor after all.  
He was practically faking every emotion now, it was second nature. It was too believable to not believe. (The only one who seemed to see through it was Ashton. And Luke hated it.)

The police would, of course, let a big star like Luke go. What would Luke earn by murdering his beloved manager, expect his freedom of course? That would really serve as promo! Screw having a fake boyfriend, this was what would make the headlines!  
Luke could even pay Ashton to be his alibi since the boy needed the money so much. What a nice dream that would've been, Luke wished he had dreams like that instead of the nightmares he had now.

"I repeat, you and Ashton are going out and kiss for the cameras. To put it simply for a dumb ass like you," Brian repeated this time in an eviler way. Luke really wished he'd kill him. Luke would've done it by night, no – evening. Taking Brian at his office, probably, but only drug him, he wouldn't kill the man before they were out of LA. One couldn't be too careful these days, Luke would probably even wear someone else's clothes two sizes too big just to be sure.

"Hey, don't call him stupid," Ashton defended Luke when Luke said nothing, just glared at him. Luke hadn't even realised he'd stayed silent. Luke used to insult the man back when he was younger, but now he'd grown used to it. He didn't care anymore, maybe be because he lost a spark of joy? Maybe Luke just really wanted to die sometimes, and being called stupid didn't seem as important as staying alive?

"Why'd you care?" Brian snarled, and would probably have called Ashton something much worse if it didn't look like Ashton was about to hit the man. He'd already tightened his fist, and his knuckles were turning white. Luke kind of hoped Ashton would punch Brian, the man deserved it and so much more. If Ashton punched Brian, Luke would beat the shit out of him after, but he was too scared to throw the first punch. The man had so much power over him, and in Luke's head, he was still that young, lost teenager in need of guidance.

"You shouldn't kick people when they're down. The only reason you have to look down at them is if you're going to help them up," Ashton replied quickly. So quickly that Luke guessed Ashton had grown up hearing that phrase. Just like Luke had grown up hearing the phrase "that's showbiz."

"Ashton shut, remember your job. Now, back to my point," Brian said, and Luke just continued to glare at the man. He hated how the man didn't handle criticism, an idea lived in the man's head that he was always right. He wasn't. For the most part, he wasn't, not about Luke anyways.

"A lot of people have taken the bait, and people are going crazy about your post, Luke. But, not everyone. You claim he's your boyfriend, but you've never kissed him-..."

"They don't know that," Luke interrupted.

"The public doesn't care. They haven't seen it, and if they haven't seen it, it's like it hasn't happened. So, what we need is the two of you outside, kissing," Brian continued and didn't even look at them. He really didn't care if the two of them had to do something they were uncomfortable with. He was the one who had to do this, so it wasn't his problem. Brian was really a living version of the phrase "not my circus, not my monkey." Anything that didn't concern the selfish man just wasn't his problem.

"I-..." Luke began and was about to shout obstacles, just refusal upon refusal about he was not kissing another man, but the words died down. "Whatever," the blond mumbled, and kept quiet. He couldn't even win this discussion even if he tried.

***

So, there they were, downtown in New York, with Luke's grip crushing Ashton's innocent hand while Luke angrily tugged Ashton with him. They didn't look in love. They didn't even look like they liked each other. They looked like two rivals who looked for the right moment to fight each other. And honestly, it kind of felt like that was their reality.

"So, how are we going to do this?" Luke asked suddenly, and Ashton was slightly taken aback that Luke was actually talking to him and not just sticking his tongue down his throat to get over and done with this.

"We can't just make-out in the middle of the street as soon as we see paps, that'll just seem fake," Ashton answered, but he didn't really have a plan for this. Do you ever plan a kiss? Kisses were supposed to come naturally. Not forced and planed like this was going to be.

Luke nodded but didn't say anything. They just kept walking holding hands, and for once holding hands felt natural. Maybe because Luke wasn't doing anything but holding his hand, and Ashton was doing the same. It felt more like platonic hand-holding if anything, but it was a great leap in the right direction.

It didn't take long before a group of paparazzi found the fake couple, not because they were that recognizable, mostly because Brian had something to do with it. What was the point of faking a kiss if no one was there to see it? Brian had a point if the public didn't see it, it was as it didn't happen.

"Luke Hemmings! Look here!"

"Tell us about Ashton!"

"How's your boyfriend!"

"Let us know about how you met!"

"Are you gay?"

"Please give us a comment!"

"When did you know you were into guys?"

They were so suddenly around them, and it was so overwhelming. The flash went off like constant lightning, hurting Ashton's eyes, and he didn't even know where to see, or what to do. He just froze, the questions and screams drowned into each other making a soup of nonsense. The whole scenery was too much, Ashton was used to being the centre of anyone's attention. He was not used the paparazzi, not the slightest. The small encounters he'd had seemed like a walk in the park compared to this. This was so much, and Ashton felt like he was suffocating even if he was breathing just fine.

Couldn't anyone see that Ashton was struggling? The only comfort Ashton had was Luke, the statue beside him with a death grip threatening to break a finger or two with no sense of compassion. Really, there was no ounce of reassurance in Luke, but Ashton found himself pulling himself closer to Luke. If Luke could shelter some of this intimidating mob Ashton would hug him voluntarily. The screaming and the flash continued, and it only worsened when Luke released Ashton's hand and put it around Ashton and dragged him closer. It offered some protection, and Ashton would take it any day – even if it was Luke.

"Ashton," Luke whispered close to his ear, so sweet and tender that Ashton thought he was dreaming. Was Luke even capable of such voice? It was so calming and reassuring even if Luke had only whispered his name. "Get ready to run," Luke whispered, lips not moving away from his ear, and Ashton could practically feel Luke's lips dusting against his skin. The protective arm disappeared, but not for long, Luke was holding Ashton's hand again.

The grip was tight, but not because wanted to hurt the brunet, more of comfort to himself that he wouldn't lose Ashton on the way. Before Ashton even had noticed they were running. Everything happened, and Ashton was too caught up in the sensation of Luke's lips against his ear, about how it felt hearing Luke say his name like that to notice how fast they were moving. They were running. Running away from the paps, away from the awful crowd and away from Brian's orders and into freedom, well, so it felt.

It was just an imagery scenery, but it was nice to think about running into freedom. Instead, they ran into a back-alley. The two of them knew the paparazzi was trailing them and would find them in only minutes, but for now, they were free from the flashing.

Ashton was breathless and focused on steading his breath. Damn, he really should work out more. Luke too was focusing on settling his breath again, so Ashton didn't feel like a complete loser. Luke then suddenly began to laugh, and the noise surprised Ashton; honestly, he hadn't expected Luke to laugh in his presence. Especially in a time like this. Brian's last words had after all been "don't dare come back before you've kissed."

The honey-brunet was only now realising that he was still holding Luke's hand, while the blond was cackling like the worlds funniest joke just had been told. It hadn't unless Ashton was the joke all along.

"Did you see their faces when we started to run," Luke finally managed to say between laughs. "I think I've never seen anybody run from the paparazzi," Luke continued before his laughter broke out again, probably re-seeing the scene. Ashton chuckled alongside Luke, he had been too caught up in his own thoughts to notice their faces, but he could imagine their reactions.

"They're probably coming soon," Ashton found himself saying, ruining the whole moment. This was probably the best version he'd ever see of Luke Hemmings, and he had ruined the moment solely. Sometimes, he really was a fucking idiot.

"Then let's give 'em a show," Luke said, and before Ashton knew it, he was pressed against the wall of the back-alley. Luke's lips were dangerously close, but they weren't touching his yet. Luke's blue eyes scanned Ashton's face for some sort of emotion, something but Ashton didn't know what he was looking for. He could only return the intense stare from those piercing blue eyes as his own hazel eyes trailed Luke's facial feature. Why did that dick need to look so good?

The hot breath from Luke fanned his face for a second before Luke pressed his lips against Ashton. His lips were soft but rough at the same time. Rougher than a female's, and Ashton could feel some of Luke's scruff brush against his skin, but in a nice kind of way. The kiss was so slow, so innocent. Not tender and sweet, or full of passion, just full of uncertainty. Like Luke was expecting to kiss a guy to be any different than a girl, like there were some rules he wasn't informed of.

The hands of Ashton naturally laced themselves around Luke's neck and pulled the male closer. Almost begging Luke to speed up, because this kiss felt so awkward like they were practising kissing. Luke's hand quickly ended on his hips, pushing his body impossible closer – and at that moment it seemed like Luke realised kissing was kissing regardless of gender and the kiss speed up. The first slow and awkward kiss evolved to become a messy and heated kiss.

Luke tugged at his bottom lip and sucked at it, in a way telling Ashton to open his mouth, and Ashton did. The blond man's tongue was swirling against Ashton before it was exploring the inside of Ashton's mouth. Luke's lips were quickly back at his again, and Ashton hated the fact that Luke was an excellent kisser. It seemed like Luke had everything except for a great personality. Luke pulled away after some more seconds, and Ashton was thankful for that because he needed oxygen. As much as kissing Luke had been not-awful (Ashton would be damned if he admitted to liking it!) he liked oxygen a lot more. The blonds forehead rested against Ashton's as he once again studied Ashton with an almost fond smile (it could've fooled Ashton). His hot breath was fanning his skin again, and his hands were still safely holding his hips. Just like Ashton's hands were wrapped against Luke's neck.

They stood there for a while until they noticed they were once again surrounded by paparazzi, and by the looks of them; they'd caught the entire thing. Maybe Ashton was too caught up in kissing Luke to notice their arrival? (But Ashton would be damned if admitting something like ever being captivated by a kiss from none other than Luke Jerk Hemmings.)


	14. Ultimatiums

To see the hashtag trending number six in the world and number four in the US was like a slap in the face. #Lashton was everywhere, and Luke wanted it gone. So what if they had made-out in public? (Which Brian was more than satisfied with.) It was just a publicity stunt! Everyone could see right through it, except for his fans clearly. Where they really that naïve, or was did it look believable?

Judging from the tweets Luke had seen it was a mix of both. And a third small part that stated it was fake and a public stunt – the only ones with common sense. Those, however, were usually called haters and ended up in a long discussion with an obsessed fan that said they could practically see the heart eyes, which was complete utter bullshit. However, these obsessed fans somehow almost always managed to turn the "haters" into someone that would also believe the lies Luke fed them.

Luke hated this with a burning passion. He hated how he had to be someone else for his fans and how he straight out lied to them. Did his fans even like the real him? Because lately, people were obsessing over him more than ever, not knowing that the person they obsessed over was just a shadow of who Luke really was. This wasn't Luke, this was just a percentage of who Luke was. The version of Luke Brian wished he could be. The version of Luke that the fans and press would love, but that person still wasn't Luke. Even if it looked like him.

The blond sighed as he saw endless tweets on how Ashton and he was going to be the next it-couple. They were wrong, not to mention mistaken. Firstly, to be an it-couple both people in the couple had to be famous like Victoria and David Beckham. Like Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears, Jay Z and Beyoncé, like Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. Not like Luke Hemmings and Ashton Who Irwin. Ashton was known for dating Luke, not because of who he was. Even Kanye West and Kim Kardashian were more of an it-couple than Luke and Ashton.

It didn't take much longer before Luke turned his phone off completely. He didn't want to see that damn thing for a couple of hours, so he threw it across the room not caring what it hit. It turned out it landed in his suitcase which happened to be open, but it didn't matter much for the blond. Ashton was out and thank God for that – the brunet hadn't offered an explanation and Luke hadn't asked for one. They weren't on speaking terms, never had been, and he less they talked the less they wanted to kill each other.  
The two of them had agreed silently that if they could stay silent, they would.

Luke got up form the bed and stretched his legs. For a while had tried to decide whether if he was going to go out and get a drink just to make Ashton's life a little more hellish. He wanted to do, he could almost feel the alcohol on his taste buds, however, there was something urging the blond not to.

Maybe it was his body that was feeling better than ever now that he'd gone sober for a while now? Maybe it was part of him that wanted to restrain himself from being meaner to Ashton? He was already so mean, and he had sent the boy to the hospital (by accident), he could stop himself from causing another episode. Or maybe it was that tiny part of Luke, who Luke was ignoring that had kind of liked the kiss he and Ashton had shared? But the blond didn't linger on that matter.

Luke had the chance to go out, but he decided not to seize the opportunity. A couple of days he knew he would, but not today. He had no explanation why Luke The Great Alcoholic wouldn't take any opportunity to pour liquor down his throat just to feel that burning sensation, that relaxing feeling when you're mind got fuzzy. The thrilling feeling of being unstoppable – why wouldn't Luke take it? He didn't know. He couldn't explain it to himself or others and didn't linger on the matter.

It would just give him unwanted answers. Instead, he did something he hadn't done for years. Something that felt so unnatural to pick up, but also felt like walking right home. Like talking to an old friend, one he hadn't spoken to for years, but staring a conversation was just as easy as riding a bike. For the first time in forever, or so it felt, Luke, picked up his notebook and a pen. The notebook was worn out and stained with a coffee somewhere because Luke had been so caught up in writing to notice the then cold coffee before he knocked it over. It was fine though; he could still read the smudged writing from a nineteen-year-old. That being four years ago. The book was really old.

Luke always brought it with him on travels, but he never picked it up. He carried it with him in his worst states, just in case he got the urge to write a song. He never did though, not until tonight. When was the last time Luke wrote an original song? He'd written some during the four-year course, obviously, but most weren't worth showing to others because they were so stupid. Just like Luke. Those who were worth showing was always voted down by people who shouldn't have the power to decide if Luke's song should be a song or not.  
First Luke accepted it, finding mistakes in his flawed lyrics (nothing that couldn't be fixed though), but after a while, he stopped trying. He realised that the songs he wanted to write were songs no one wanted to hear. So, he was told.

These negative thoughts didn't stop him today. Who cared what the others thought right now? Luke wanted to write this song, and no one was stopping him from recording it. From realising it. Excited Luke messily scribbled down a phrase he was pleased with "People tell me I'm looking good, when they don't realise, I'm just misunderstood."

***

Ashton came back a little over midnight and looked surprised to see Luke in the bed playing his guitar. The brunet hadn't known Luke long enough to know that Luke never picked up his guitar outside of when he was forced to. He'd lost the joy of music. No, Ashton was probably surprised to see that Luke was still there when he had a golden opportunity to sneak out. Luke wouldn't admit that he had thought of it.

"Hey," Ashton greeted as he yawned. He smiled slightly, but it disappeared when Luke quickly packed away the guitar and closed his notebook. As if it was secret items no one was allowed to see but him. And it kind of was exactly like that.

"I'm heading out," Luke said and got up taking his notebook with him.

"No, you're not," Ashton protested, and Luke rolled his eyes. Did Ashton really think he could stop him?

"Ashton, no offence, but if I wanted to drink, I'd done it four hours ago," Luke said and it was a surprisingly good argument, but still Ashton didn't move an inch to let him pass out the door.

"I have a responsibility to make sure you're not drinking or doing bullshit," Ashton replied, "and you can't do any shit in this hotel room. So, you're staying."

"Okay, I'll promise to not do anything stupid," Luke said, starting to grow irritated, who was Ashton to deny him some fresh air? Luke raised his hand, "I'll even pinky promise you, just let me through."

"For the love of God, can't you stay in?"

"Ashton, there's nothing you can do to stop me from going out," Luke replied with so much determination he even surprised himself. It did, however, seem to work. Ashton was moving slightly, and several emotions flashed across his face – clearly trying to figure something out.

"Fine," Ashton started, "but I'm coming with you."

"Why would you even believe I'll let you?"

"I won't let you go unless I come with, I don't trust you one bit, and I'm not about to see your hungover ass tomorrow with a ruined career where you've told the entire city about our fake relationship. You either let me come with you or you stay in. If you try to leave without me, I'll just phone Brian real quick."

Luke sighed before mumbled multiple curses, "I fucking hate ultimatums." Which was Luke's way of agreeing to the terms and bringing Ashton with him. Having Ashton there wouldn't really make much difference just more annoying.

That's how Luke and Ashton ended up in a taxi at half-past twelve. Luke gave the taxi driver an address, but Ashton didn't know where it was. Not too surprisingly either, Ashton wasn't known in the city. He knew about Times Square and that was about it. However, could you really blame him? He grew up in Australia – another country.

"So, where are we going?" Ashton asked out of curiosity Luke assumed, or in an attempt to make the silence less awkward. Luke didn't really care.

He contemplated whether to tell him the truth but realised it didn't really matter as Ashton would find out soon enough. "We're going to a studio."

"I thought you were done recording for the new album? And why not go tomorrow?" Ashton asked, not really understanding Luke's errand, but how could he? He was still so naive to this kind of world.

"I am done recording, but I can't go tomorrow, they'll send me to my label's studio, and they'll just decline what I want. We're going to another studio of a friend of mine. He owes me one, so he'll let me use it," Luke explained.

"And what do you want?"

"To record a song."

"I thought you said you were done?" Ashton asked furrowing his brows in confusion. Luke wasn't making any sense.

"I am done with the album, but that's not my album. It's songs written by other people that I sing, I can't relate to any lyrics. But if I write one myself Brian or someone else tells me I can't have songs like that it ruins my 'image' or whatever, like it isn't already ruined. A song about depression isn't doing any damage," the last part was mostly mumbled to himself, but Ashton could still hear it. For the first time, Ashton felt like he felt a better understanding of Luke. People were stomping him, and pushing him down, and no one was there to help him up.

It was as Luke was drowning and everyone kept pushing his head underwater, so Luke had just stopped trying to get his head above water and waited for his lungs to be filled with water. It was incredibly sad, and Ashton wanted to help him. To reach out to him and pull him out of the water, even if that meant getting wet himself.

"Okay, let me get this straight. You're going to secretly record a song written by yourself and then what?" Ashton wondered. Did Luke have a plan at all or was he just doing this and planning along the way?

"I'm going to release it and say it's the single my team's been promoting. And when it's out there they can't do shit," Luke smiled slightly at the idea, the smile was contagious.

"Won't they be mad?" Ashton couldn't help to fear the consequences, he was raised a good boy and would probably die a good boy.

"They will," Luke laughed, "but it'll be worth it. This world tour will be hell, but it's less hell if I can sing at least one song I like."

They fell silent after that, but it was alright. For the first time ever it wasn't an awkward silence, but comfortable silence. Maybe Luke had a kinder side after all? Just buried deep, deep down.

They stopped at the studio and Luke paid the taxi driver before they entered the building. The building was small and not as fancy as Luke's record label's studio, but they had everything that was needed and that was more than enough.

"So, how do you plan on doing this?" Ashton asked, "you can't be two places at the same time," Ashton said even though he was stating the obvious.

"I'll figure something out, I'll just press record at then go in or something," Luke tried, but Ashton could tell Luke hadn't really this figured out.

"Boy, you sure are lucky I came along," Ashton said and laughed.

"Why? You're more of a plague," Luke said, and Ashton could swear to God Luke was actually teasing him and not offending him.

"My mom used to work with film music, I basically grew up in a studio. You can go in do your thing, I'll be here," Ashton said and pointed to the control board.

"You want to help me?" Luke seemed so unsure like he'd never received help from anyone. That all he was used to was snide comments and people deciding what was best for him rather than actual help. Ashton knew that wasn't the case, but sometimes when you go so long without something you forget what it's supposed to be like.

Luke had probably spent the last years with people unwilling to help him, and those who wanted to help him had no power to do much or too scared to take a big step. Going years without much help made help feel unnatural, and unwanted – Luke was probably used to doing everything by himself and never asked for help because no one ever offered it. Which made Ashton wanting to help him now almost unbelievable. Especially since it was Ashton offering a helping hand.

"Yeah," Ashton said and smiled a reassuring smile to the blond as if to say he wouldn't leave halfway in.

Ashton sat down by the panel and pressed the necessary buttons before he spoke into the mic. "Ready when you are."

Luke took on some headphones and fixed the microphone, so it got a bit taller, the blond wasn't exactly average height. When everything was set up Luke just stood there for a second eyeing Ashton as he was embarrassed to sing in front of him, like he hadn't sung in front of thousands multiple times. Luke breathed in slightly, Ashton could hear it through his headphones before a heart-breaking voice sang words that obviously came straight from the heart.

"I realise I'm just a lost cause," Luke sang, and raw emotion filled his voice. Ashton still very much hated Luke or at least disliked him strongly, but he was practically tearing up. "Using words as camouflage," Luke followed up, and Ashton smiled slightly at the rhyme. Ashton had always been a fan of rhyme.

"I can't keep my friends. They all think I'm too dense," Luke continued, and Ashton felt a thug at his heart. He was sort of lucky to be this close to Luke because he already understood so much of the song, but it also made the song much sadder. He'd talked to Michael had told him about how he and Luke weren't on speaking terms. Ashton could only guess most of Luke's friends had left him.

"I used to feel complete in solitude. But with you, I now see I'm just playing the same tune," Luke continued, so slow, dragging out vocals so you could hear how much of an incredible voice he really had.

"Again, and again, over and over. So lonely without a lover." Ashton didn't know if Luke was speaking about a past relationship, a fictional one or if he had written so their own relationship would seem more believable. Ashton didn't really care; it was great anyways.

"I can't it right since I met you. I can't get it wrong, since I met you," Luke sang quicker, his voice was still filled with so much emotion, but this seemed like the chorus. "Baby, there's something about your every move. Every breath. That leaves me wanting more."

"Every day I talk to the guy in black. And he tells me I'm better off dead. Why are we led, to believe that just because we lack," Luke began to sing slower, closer to the tone he had begun with. Ashton liked how he had rhymed those lines with the first and the last sentence rhyming, and those sentences in the middle rhyming. Expect for that Ashton understood, of course, the meaning behind this sentence. It wasn't just a man, of course, Luke meant something along the lines of depression or dark thoughts.

"The spirit, we're worthless? I used to think I was a mess. But with you as a lover. I don't need to hide or cover."

"I can't it right since I met you. I can't get it wrong. Since I met you," Luke sang having a small break, "Baby, there's something about your every touch. Every kiss. That leaves me craving more," he finished the chorus, and since he had repeated almost exactly the same it convinced Ashton that this was the chorus.

"People tell me I'm looking good, when they don't realise, I'm just misunderstood," this sentence was sung in another voice, and Ashton assumed this was the bridge.

"A lone outcast. Unable to make anything last."

"How can I be well, when I've been through hell?" The sentence literally stung Ashton in the heart, and Ashton could only guess that if he ever heard this song the radio, he'd fell some few, very manly, tears.

"But baby, with you as my lover. Maybe I can recover?" This sentence was, however, much sweeter than the rest of the song almost as it was presenting some hope of recovery.

"I can't it right since I met you. I can't get it wrong," Luke begun yet again on the chorus. "I can never love you right, but I can write you this song."

"Because baby, there's something about your every smile. Every laugh," this was also sung in another tone to show that the song was coming to end, it was slightly higher tone, almost presenting the raw emotions in a better way than Luke had already done. Why didn't the guy write his lyrics? Songs like this would be an absolute masterpiece. Ashton didn't like him, but he'd give him that.

"That leaves me longing for more," Luke ended the song, and with that also ending Ashton. The song was just so raw, so true and so amazing. But also, so sad that Ashton wanted to crawl into a ball and cry. He could only imagine how bad Luke must feel. And for once he didn't hate Luke.


	15. Just an act

The process of recording didn't take much time, Ashton had expected it to last much longer. So, he was pleasantly surprised when he and Luke could wrap up after a couple of hours. Sure, the clock was nearing morning, but he had thought that it would take much more time than it had taken. So, taking everything into consideration he was pleased.

"It's finally done," Luke singsong and Ashton wondered how the blond could be so happy and not feel tired at all. Ashton, on the other hand, was ready to collapse in a bed and wake up in the next century.

"So, what are you gonna do with it?" Ashton looked at the blond and hoped for the love of God that Luke had a plan.

"I mean, I need to get it out there you know," Luke said and shrugged slightly, and Ashton wanted to plant his face into the nearest wall. If Luke didn't have any plan, he might scream.

"And how do you plan on getting 'it out there'?" Ashton asked slightly more sarcastic than he had planned. Luke didn't seem to mind though, either because he knew the two of them wasn't really friends, or because his own voice was usually laced with sarcasm as well.

"I have an idea, don't worry," Luke said to prevent further questions. With that, he picked up his phone and dialled a number. "Hi, Benjamin! I have a favour to ask you," he began, and Ashton furrowed his brows. Hoping he'd know what Luke was up to before they ended up somewhere. The conversation continued but Ashton mostly tuned it out.

"Really? Thank you!" Luke sounded so surprised and happy Ashton could only guess Benjamin had agreed, whoever he was. However, it still made Ashton a tad sad, because Luke's excitement revealed that he hadn't expected someone to help him. Like he was all alone in this world when he wasn't. Luke was surrounded by toxic people, but not everyone surrounding Luke was bad – he just had to sort out the ones that wanted to help him.

"Good, I'll see you in 20 minutes or so," Luke agreed and with that hung up. His smile remained for a couple of seconds, and Ashton smiled slightly at the sight. Luke just seemed so happy, and Ashton really thought that the blond deserved it (even if he was mean).

"So, what happens now?" Ashton asked at the blond, while the two of them was moving out of the studio.

"I just got off the phone with Benjamin-..." Luke began and stopped his sentence to lock the studio's doors.

"That much I gattered," Ashton mumbled but mostly to himself.

"-and he's the host for IHeartRadio, you know the guy you've met," Luke gave Ashton some seconds to remember the guy.

"Yes, and what about him?" Ashton asked.

"Well, I told him my schedule is empty and that I wanted to do an interview today, and I don't recall any other appointment, so it's fine. So, Benjamin was, of course, stocked that I chose his station out of every other station and told me I was more than welcome, so I guess we're heading over there. I, uh, I failed to mention you're coming with, but... uhm, since you're my boyfriend now and everything, I guess it's only natural for you to tag along. I mean, unless you don't want to," Luke was rambling at the end and it was almost cute to see him like that. That the blond could be other things than just mean and rude.

"Don't worry, Hemmings. I'm coming with," Ashton reassured him, and that's how Ashton and Luke ended up in a taxi six o'clock on their way to IHeartRadio.

***

"Welcome, welcome Luke," Benjamin greeted as quickly as the blond exited the elevator. "And Ashton!" He added the moment he spotted the brunet.

"Wow, I hadn't expected this, and to see the two of you here. Now, that you're official, I mean. Wow, the new it-couple in my humble radio station, I'm honoured." Benjamin continued before he eagerly shook both their hands.

"Luke, are you still up for a four-hour interview?" Benjamin asked, "I know you're a busy man, but it would be so f-ing epic. But it's totally understandable if you suddenly can't. You just being here for a small interview is enough."

"No, I'm still up for the whole thing," Luke said and smiled slightly. Ashton could see glimmering in his eyes he'd never seen before. Maybe it was excitement?

"Ashton, would you please join the interview? I mean, most questions would be directed to Luke, but I really want you in there, and I think the fans want to know you better – this would be the perfect chance. And you're always welcome to give your opinion on whatever. If you don't want to, it's understandable. Four hours is a long time, but it would be awesome if you joined," Benjamin was practically on his knees begging and Ashton felt bad for telling him no. The hazel-eyed boy looked over at Luke to see his opinion. He didn't want to ruin Luke's interview, not when he finally was on his way to be better. Luke didn't answer in words, but a reassuring squeeze from Luke's hand was enough.

"I guess I could join," Ashton smiled slightly, and the radio host grinned almost larger than Luke when he had finished his first song in years.

"Good morning New York," Benjamin started off, "okay, you're not gonna guess this. I was driving to work like normal, when I suddenly get a call from a very dear person so many know and love, almost begging me to do an interview. And now he's here today with me! And he's staying for four hours, so make sure to not miss it. The one and only Luke Hemmings!"

"Good morning," Luke greeted, smiling big out of excitement.

"And not only that, but I managed to persuade Luke's boyfriend, Ashton, to join today's interview. We have a lot to talk about. Wow, I'm excited. So, fellas how are we today?"

"Good," Luke smiled and spoke into the mic, "I'm very excited to be here!"

"Tired, but content," Ashton replied with a slight yawn.

"Okay, why so tired Ashton? Too much partying?" Benjamin asked a teasing thone evident in his voice.

"Not really, Luke and I have pulled an all-nighter," Ashton answered a bit sleepily, and Luke found himself wrapping an arm around the boy. He convinced himself it was to keep up the act, but he wasn't so sure.

"Oh, do tell," Benjamin sounded like some teenager who was about to get some drama, and Ashton could help but find it kind of endearing. In that way, a child was cute or a dog.

"We spent the night finishing up a new single," Luke said, "you can play the song later."

"You want us to play a never before heard song for the very first time?" Benjamin asked shocked, Luke answered with a nod. "Wow, I'm... I don't know what to say. What an honour."

"Okay guys, did you hear this? You can't tune out now to miss the chance of hearing Luke's new single, played for the very first time here at IHeartRadio," he paused for a minute. "So, I heard the use of 'we', did Ashton help in the making of the single?"

"Yeah, it was actually just the two of us," Luke said, "it's more personal, and we really got the chance to be creative." Ashton nodded in agreement, even though he didn't know why he did, there wasn't like anyone could see him right now. It was just a habit he guessed.

"Aha, last time you were here you said your album was done, yet last night you made a new single, why is this?" The brunet host folded his hands slightly but still looked like the happy-go-lucky guy he was. Benjamin could probably not look threatening even if he wanted to.

"Well, it is technically done, I'm just not pleased with it. I know it could be better," Luke spoke honestly, he bit his lips slightly probably choosing his words wisely so he wouldn't slip up and say something that would cause trouble. Ashton could only imagine the press Luke was under, and he was so happy it wasn't him in Luke's spot.

"Okay, but last time you were here you spoke about how happy you were with your album, and now you're telling me that you're not pleased with it. What has changed?"

"I just know it could be better, and I want my fans to get the best possible version of the album," Luke said.

"Does this mean that the album will be released another date?" He looked at Luke then at Ashton then back at Luke waiting for one of them to say something, Luke was first to take do so. Not that Ashton had planned on saying anything, it wasn't his album nor his business. He was just the "boyfriend" of the artist.

"No, the date still stands," Luke confirmed.

"I'm sure a lot of fans are relieved to hear this. Anyways, back to the making of the song. Ashton, how was it to work with Luke when he's also your boyfriend? Did it speed the process, or did it slow it down? I'm assuming you did the studio work," Benjamin continued moving on to another theme.

"Yes, I did do the studio work, but it didn't really do anything? I mean, I've never worked with Luke not being his boyfriend so I wouldn't know the difference, but I have worked with others before, and I think we were pretty effective," Ashton answered and looked over at Luke who grinned at him. Ashton only smiled back.

"Did you think it would be practical to have a boyfriend who's used to the studio when you started dating, Luke?" Benjamin asked.

"Uh, no. I was dating not looking for a new guy to run the studio. I mean, it doesn't even matter that Ashton knows how to or not. I'd still choose him," Luke scoffed slightly as if it wasn't obvious that he'd never go for someone just because it was "convenient".

"Haha, stupid question. So, I'm assuming you met through music, it seems you have a mutual passion for it, am I right?" The host looked at them with hopeful eyes. Benjamin was probably a bit older than Ashton, but he seemed like an innocent child, but maybe that was just the vibe he gave off?

"We do share a passion for music, but," Luke began, "we didn't meet through music, we met at a... uhm," Luke seemed a bit unsure, mostly because they had never established a story of how they met. He wasn't prepared for this kind of thing.

"A bar," Ashton finished for him, like a saving angel. "the poor thing wanted my number and was too drunk to even write down his own. I pitied him so much I followed him home, I mean he couldn't see straight, much less drive. And he somehow persuaded me to stay the night," Ashton finished with a very likely story of how Ashton would've met past-Luke.

"So, you hook up on the first night?" Benjamin grinned smugly.

"Actually no," Ashton laughed slightly as if he remembered something funny. Not there was anything funny to remember since it had never happened.

"Ashton slept on my couch, actually," Luke filled in.

"And woke up to horrendous dog breath," Ashton continued.

"Hey, don't be mean to Petunia, she was just showing you her love," Luke defended.

"More like showering me in spit," Ashton corrected, and Luke laughed slightly. "Don't worry, you know I love her," Ashton said lowering his voice loud enough to be heard, but low enough to be interpreted like something only meant for Luke.

"And that's how you decided he was a keeper?" Benjamin asked, but Ashton didn't know who the question was directed towards.

"Uhm, yeah. Basically," Luke answered smiling slightly.

"Moving on," Benjamin said, "so what happens when you're on tour. Will Ashton stay here, or will he come with? I assume he's not too familiar with the pap's," Benjamin continued, looking at Luke as a way of saying that this question was directed towards Luke as if it wasn't obvious already.

"Uh, Ashton's coming with me, of course, if it's overwhelming, I won't force him to join me further, but the plan was that he was going to stick along," Luke answered, smiling slightly towards Ashton, but it was a genuine smile. Ashton didn't mind, because the entire scenery was fake. It was just an act, a fake smile from his fake boyfriend didn't bother him.

"You don't mind touring around with Luke?" Benjamin asked, looking towards Ashton.

"I don't, it's gonna be hectic, but it's fine. I know this is a big part of Luke's life and I want to be a part of it too. I don't want to sit at home waiting for an occasional text message, I want to see want to be there for Luke," Ashton said, surprised by how good his bullshit answer sounded.

"I can only image how tour life is behind the scene," Benjamin laughed, "so Luke, what do you say? Should we play your new song?"

"Yeah, I think that's a good idea," Luke replied smiling a genuine smile this time. Not towards Ashton, not to Benjamin either. It was a smile just reflecting how Luke was feeling, he was excited about his new song, Ashton could tell.

"So, what is it called?" Benjamin asked.

"It's called I Think You Drink Too Much," Luke said smugly, and Ashton had to contain a gasp. Luke had yet to tell him the title, and now was a bad timing for a title like that. Ashton had expected something that would reflect the chorus, not something so savage as that. Luke was basically not just telling about his personal experiences in the song, in such a perfect song with heartbreaking lyrics. Not only that, but he also called out every person that had ever commented on his drinking habits. Not giving a shit. And Brian dared to call him stupid? That was the most genius thing Ashton seen ever. The worst thing was that Luke would get away with it.

"Wow, that's an interesting title," Benjamin said still recovering from the shock. "Is this song kids friendly?" Benjamin asked, probably just making sure it was okay for the station to play the song when they had a young audience.

"Yes," Luke answered confidently, and Benjamin nodded.

"Well, I suggest we play the song, I assume a lot of fans have been waiting for this moment," Benjamin finished before the intro of Luke's song started to play. The small break was spent doing nothing, Ashton shifted in his chair to find a new comfortable position, and Benjamin was deeply intrigued by the song. Luke was playing it cool, but his leg was bouncing from nervousness. Ashton caught himself placing his hand on Luke's thigh catching the blond's attention. His blue eyes glanced slightly at Ashton a silent way of showing Ashton he had Luke's attention. Ashton smiled a dimpled smile trying to give off a reassuring vibe. People would love Luke's song, he had nothing to worry about.

The song finished after some minutes, and Benjamin's smile just kept growing. Whenever Ashton was convinced the smile couldn't grow anymore it grew two sizes. "Wow, Luke, I gotta tell you," Benjamin began, "I can't even phrase it, but the song is so good. I love every single aspect of it! You've done a great job, really. I bet the fans love it too! How about we ask them. Everyone go on our Facebook page and tell us what you think of our Luke's song! We'll read the comments later, but first a commercial break, we'll be back in a few minutes!"


	16. A message to the haters

Ashton flinched at Brian's yelling once again. He hated being yelled at and tried to avoid it if he could. He wasn't scared of it per se, he just hated the fact that someone was angry, and if he could avoid it, he'd do it. Ashton's mind had gone blank by the first hour, and when Brian's speech had dwelled on for two hours, Ashton had completely stopped listening. Which he wished he'd done much earlier. The honey brunet suspected that Luke had closed his ears the moment they'd walked into the room and was now just sitting in the black leather couch with an empty gaze. The only reason Ashton knew Luke was there was the fact that occasionally Luke would stroke his back in comfort.

Luke had tried to tell Brian it was all his fault the manager hadn't believed him, but it had been worth a try. But then again, he hadn't not believed Luke either. Because he knew what shit-kid Luke could be, however, he augmented with that it took two to do what they'd done. Ashton was less guilty for all this trouble but nonetheless guilty. After the first ten minutes, Ashton had stopped talking back, realising it did no good, and it only aggravated Brian more.

"Do you realise how much damage, you've done?" Brian asked voice still laced with anger. Ashton knew how much damage they'd done, but he could see the point of lecturing them about for almost three hours. The damage was already done, and there was no way they could pull the song back. It was there to stay. He was maybe new to this, but he was no fool. And Luke who was old in the game, knew exactly what he was doing. That's why despite the blank stare he had a smug smile painted across his lips. Because he knew exactly what the damage had done.

None of them answered the question, but Brian didn't seem to care. If they'd answered, they'd only replied with something smartass, and that would exactly make their situation any better. The manager was pissed off enough as it was. After more repeating of what he'd already said the first twenty minutes, and a promise of never repeating anything like that again they were left to go.

"Fucking finally," Luke sighed when Brian left the room. And Ashton only nodded in agreement. The only thing Ashton wanted to do now was to shower, call his mom or Calum – at least someone he was close to, and then head to bed. It had been a long day, and he sure as hell wasn't about to spend it with Luke. Luke was less of an ass, at least he was starting to act kinder. But Ashton still hadn't forgiven him from the hospital episode. Not that it was surprising. Ashton had ended up in the hospital because of Luke!

"I'm gonna take a shower," Ashton mumbled before he got up from the sofa and walked out of the room.

"O-okay," Luke replied and let him be. Ashton turned around slightly too look at him, and any emotion in Luke's face disappeared within a flash and it returned to his normal stone-cold face.

"Just please don't do anything stupid. I'm not in the mood to deal with your bullshit, and especially not another lecture," Ashton was almost begging him, just hoping that Luke could say put for just tomorrow. Ashton just wanted some peace and quiet. Was that too much to ask for?

"As if I could," Luke replied with rolling his eyes and just sighed. Somehow, he related to his mom when she tried to lecture him when he was younger, and he only replied with snarky comments.

"Just behave," Ashton mumbled, before heading out.

"I'm not a fucking dog," Luke shouted after him, But Ashton didn't comment. Sometimes he wished Luke was a dog, it would be a lot nicer dog than how Luke was a human. It was probably rude of him to sometimes wish he was rather around a dog than Luke, but it would make his life a lot easier. But then again, that's why his pay was so good, because he was pretending to be one of the biggest assholes of this side of America's boyfriend. There were only some few names that could top Luke, Mike Pence being one of them.

The blond male sighed once again as Ashton left the room. He sunk further into the couch, and stayed like that for a couple of ... minutes? Hours? Luke couldn't tell, but it didn't matter much too him. Finally. It was all Luke had craved for weeks. Now, he'd had some alone time now and then, but never enough.

Personal space was a phrase lost to Luke. It had lost his meaning, and all Luke wished was to go back to when he could be alone and was allowed to be. Alone without anyone checking up on him because they didn't trust him. Sometimes all Luke wanted to do was to do something drastic like fake his death so he could escape all this chaos. Or less drastic, juts drop everything and go back to living normal life he'd left at age eight. Maybe go back to Australia and live a happy, simple life as bee farmer?

For a while the blond celebrity just sat there, not doing anything. And damn if that didn't feel good, he didn't know what would. The only thing that could make this scenery better was if he replaced the hotel with his own home and having the comfort of Petunia just by him.  
Not even alcohol could make this better.

Luke had come to realise what curse alcohol was, even though it was a simpler escape route than dealing with any kind of shit that made up his current life. Alcohol was like a two-bladed sword; it could make him forget about everything and he'd live in temporary bliss. However, the day after everything would remain the same, and Luke would just feel worse than before. Oh, but the temporary bliss was the real curse here. Because Luke kept chasing after the sweet relief of freedom, instead of breaking his chains.

Luke slowly drifted out of trance and came crashing back to the real world where everything was just as awful as they always were. The only thing that made Luke cling onto it all, and continue to push himself forward, forcing himself to fight though another day was the newfound hope. Until a few weeks ago there were absolutely nothing stopping Luke from swallowing a bottle of pills expect the fact that he was always too drunk to open the bottle.

This newfound hope, however, made him want to stick around for longer. Ashton wasn't the one who came with it. He really wasn't. Luke wouldn't credit him that if it wasn't true. True enough the newfound hope had come around after Ashton showed up, but it wasn't because of Ashton. It was because Luke saw he could do better. That he was doing better. Ashton wasn't the result of it. The thing Ashton was responsible for was keeping him off alcohol which made Luke clear his head and have a good look at things. And then again Ashton wasn't doing a really good job and preventing Luke from drinking, Luke could've been at the hotel bar now if he wished to.

His hand reached for his phone locking it up with ease before going into his contacts. He kept looking at the different numbers his stomach curling up. There was so many old friends there that had cut him off because he had been acting like a dick. And people Luke had cut off because they'd turned out to be toxic. And the fact that drunk-Luke had cut someone off because of their toxic ways said a lot about a person. He scrolled down slightly eyes catching the intended person he had in mind. Another heavy sigh escaped his lips, and his blue eyes didn't deviate from the name.

It would quite brave and foolish at the same time to call the name displayed on his phone. Luke didn't know if he was brave or stupid enough to give the man a call. He remembered that he'd promised to never call, more to himself than to the man. He could also remember that he promised to not call before he was a proper man, he wasn't proper now. He was just sober. And hopefully, on a path to be a bit better.  
He wasn't a real man yet, he was just a scumbag. Almost lower than dust, but at least Luke was aware of this himself. No one needed to tell him that, though people always felt the need to.

In a moment of stupidity, or extreme bravery, Luke pressed the contacted and called him. He regretted it as soon as he realised what he'd done, but by then it was too late to go back. He was already calling the man, and he couldn't go back on it. The only hope Luke had was that the man didn't pick up. So, Luke found himself wishing for something unlikely. Please don't pick up. Please don't pick up. Please don't pick up. Please don't pick up. Please don't pick up. Please don't-

Fuck.

"Wow, what a coincidence, I was just thinking about you." The man on the other side of the line greeted, and Luke let a breath out that he didn't know he'd been holding.

"Really?" Luke asked a bit surprised. Before his eyebrows twitched, this couldn't be good.

"Yeah, I was thinking about how I fucking hate your guts," Michael gritted through the phone, and Luke winced slightly. He winced. But Luke justified it with Michael being his best friend from childhood. Ex-best friend?

"I deserved that," Luke mumbled.

"Wow, you really sobered up enough to realise you deserve to rot in hell?" Michael asked voice laced with venom.

"Michael-.." Luke began, but Michael was quick to cut him off.

"No. You don't get to 'Michael' me. You brought this on yourself, pretty boy. You broke this friendship, and that all on you. So, don't. Don't come here thinking just because you've got a boyfriend and sobered up enough to see you're a major dick that we'll go back to being besties. We're playing friends for the public, and that's it. We're just fake friends for the press, for my sake," Michael ranted through the phone, and Luke found himself nodding, but stopped when he realised it didn't matter. Michael didn't see him.

"We're actually not really boyfriends," Luke mumbled. "It's all fake." He couldn't lie to Michael, even after all this time, and what he'd done to Michael. He still couldn't lie, and honesty was just one of the many things the actor deserved.

Michael laughed evily. "I knew you couldn't love anyone else than yourself." That stung, but Luke remained silent. "Of course, it's fake, why didn't I realise? Ashton's way out of your league. He's too good for you. I met him some days ago, and I just didn't get why an angel like him would consider dating your sorry ass."

Luke didn't reply. "But I get it now that money's in the picture. Boy, how much are you paying? I wouldn't touch with a stick even for a million bucks." Michael seemed to stop when Luke didn't reply, he just sat there taking it all.

"So, what do you want? I know you're not calling to get your best friend back," Michael asked.

"Do you still talk to Crystal?" Luke asked, biting his lips slightly. This had been a bad idea; he should hang up. He shouldn't have asked. He really shouldn't have. Crystal was just something Michael didn't talk about. Especially with Luke.

"Why? You tired of your boy-toy?" Michael asked crueller than ever.

"I need to ask her a favour," Luke mumbled.

"So, you're asking me if I'm talking to my ex-girlfriend?" Michael asked, and Luke realised how stupid it sounded. "Why don't you ask? You're the one who fucked her last," Michael sneered.

"I'm so sorry Michael-..." Luke began but was again interrupted by Michael.

"No, listen here. You fucked my fiancée. My fucking fiancée. My best friend fucked my wife-to-be, and now that you're a bit sobered up you want me to contact her to ask for some favour? That's not how it works here, mate. What are you after? A good fuck? A way to get back at me. Because I'll tell you, you've done enough damage."

"I just want her to ... make an album cover for me," Luke mumbled. He regretted this phone call more and more by every second.

"Don't you record label provide with such things? Unless... What are you up to Luke? Because I'll tell you right now, just drop it."

"I want to make an album and pretend it's the album I've been promoting all along," Luke said.

"Wow, you realised Brian's a shit manager too. Wow, you really are out here growing years too late," Michael scoffed. Luke didn't reply to it because he knew Michael was right. This was followed by a long silence from both sides.

"Okay, here's the deal," Michael began. "You'll get an album cover one way or the other, so I might as well gain something from this," Michael continued. "I'll get you that fucking album cover, in return I have two criteria."

"One. I get to join you for your world tour," Michael started, but this time it was Luke who cut him off.

"Why the fuck would you want that? You hate my guts. You said so yourself."

"Because one, I want to remind you every single day what you did to me by seeing my face every day, and I'll probably have the chance to punch you during the tour. And two, I won't let you corrupt Ashton. He's too good for you so back off from him."

"Ashton? Why would I corrupt him?" Luke was more confused than ever.

"Oh please, it might be a fake relationship, but I heard you on the radio today, Hemmings. You're falling in love him, and I won't let you. Ashton's too pure-hearted and you'll break him, just like you've done with everyone that's walked into your life. I'm not doing this for you at all. This isn't a second chance. I'm protecting Ashton."

Luke remained silent for almost a minute deciding whether he should deny what Michael had said or not. He wasn't in love with Ashton, not the slightest. And he felt no growing attraction towards the male. Honestly, he didn't get what Michael was talking about. However, he decided to ignore it, he wasn't getting sucked into that hole right now.

"What's your second criteria?"

"After this, leave me the fuck alone. I don't want to see you. I don't want to hear from you. I don't want you in my life. So, you better stay out of it." With that Michael hung up.

***

lukehemmings started a live stream.

"Hey guys," Luke whispered to his phone camera, as he saw the number of watchers grew from zero to couple thousand in the span of just minutes. It was night, and the blond was already in bed, but it didn't matter. He wanted to do a live stream now. Now was probably the only time he had the chance.

"Thank you so much for all the positive feedback on 'I think you drink too much' it hasn't even been a day, and I've already received so positive feedback. It really means a lot, because that song is special to me," Luke continued to whisper.

Luke could see comment upon comment loading in and he smiled slightly. One, in particular, asked him why he was whispering.

"I'm whispering because it's night, and I was supposed to be asleep hours ago. Also, Ashton's sleeping beside me," Luke flipped the phone camera so you could see a dark outline of Ashton. If you looked closely you could see Ashton's sleeping face covered with his brown curls. The comments only grew by this, and Luke laughed fondly.

"I'm heading out on tour soon, and I'm so excited," Luke revealed, "and I'm so glad Ashton's coming with me. I don't know if I was supposed to say this or not, but it's not like it's a big secret, but Mikey's tagging along too. Can't wait to spend time with him too. This tour will surely be something special," Luke smiled, but it felt faker than the others. But he could see how his fans reacted towards this news, and he could see how people were thrilled they were getting more Michael content. It was impossible to hate the boy. Even after what Michael had said to him today, Luke still loved Michael.

"Moving onto bigger news, I'll reveal the album's title and the track titles. Okay, so there will be a total of 16 songs, and the album is called 'A Message to the haters'. The first song is called 'Maybe if you think, you'd know why I drink'. The second song is called 'My manager's gonna hate me (but I don't care)' with parenthesis on the I but I don't care part." Luke laughed slightly at that one. "It's easier if I just show you the titles," Luke said and shared the list of titles.

1\. Maybe if you think, you'd know why I drink

2\. My manager's gonna hate me (but I don't care)

3\. Depressed isn't a synonym for dumb

4\. Maybe you'd feel like a robot too if everyone controlled your life?

5\. Showbiz might kill me

6\. Why do you say you love me, when you clearly don't?

7\. Front page is just fake glamour to hide the fact you're a fool

8\. I think you drink too much

9\. Why do you want me to be kids friendly then tell me to sing about sex?

10\. No one has ever given a limit to how long a song title must be, you just can't read

11\. Short title

12\. Recovery is not a story for the press

13\. It's my career

14\. What if I die (for the headlines)

15\. Who's gonna miss me when I'm gone?

16\. Stop crying your heart out, no one cares

"I'll probably show the album cover another day," Luke said. "But I can't do it all one day, Brian would probably get a heart attack or something. Luke continued to talk about random thing, talking a bit about Ashton and the new album before he turned the live off twenty minutes later.


	17. Appealing

With a slight groan from the blond whom Ashton had shared the bed with he knew Luke was up. Ashton didn't appreciate the nanny role that the job came with, so he tried to make the waking of Luke as short as possible. It wasn't his job that Luke got up at those ungodly hours, only that it was. At least Brian expected it to be.

"Get up," Ashton mumbled, while shaking the blond once again, "you'll miss breakfast."

Luke mumbled something back, but Ashton didn't try to encode it. He'd long time ago, well more like a week ago, learnt that Luke's mumbling, especially during morning hours, was the same as a foreign language. There was almost no difference between Arabic and Luke's mumbling because Ashton understood just as little from both.

"It's your own fault from staying up," Ashton said again, this time louder once again and shook Luke more violently.

"Didn't stay up," Luke lied, and Ashton huffed.

"Did too," Ashton said and tried to drag the duvet off Luke, only half-succeeding. Luke only rolled on the other side of the bed where the slight warmth of Ashton remained and curled up like a big baby.

"I heard you talking on the phone or whatever," Ashton said and tried to take the last bit of Luke's duvet from him. He was successful, but Luke cleverly curled up in Ashton's duvet.

"Wasn't talking on the phone," Luke said, and Ashton sighed slightly. Would Luke for the love of God just get up? On the bright side, Luke was starting to get full sentences which were a good sign of the blond waking up. "Had a live stream." The word stream, however, died out as it was muffled into the pillow.

"You decided to have a live stream at two o'clock? When I was sleeping?" Ashton asked, judgment clearly present in his voice.

"Yeah, Brian was sleeping, so he can't stop me," Luke said. Finally, getting up. He got up and started to collect some clothes from his suitcase. Picking up a black shirt, matching Ashton's already black attire.

"What did you do?" Ashton blurted out; he could already imagine the massive consequences that was coming their way.

"Nothing," Luke smiled innocently, getting dressed, not caring that Ashton was in the room as well. The blond had already showered the day before and decided against another shower now.

"Luke," Ashton began, but the blond interrupted him.

"I'm thinking of creating an entire album behind Brian's back. Just like 'I think you drink too much' just that's an entire album, and pretend it was the original album all along," Luke blurted out fast because he felt that if he said kit slowly Ashton would be madder. However, Luke knew he could hide it from Ashton. If he wanted to hide it from Brian, he had to tell Ashton. There was no way Luke couldn't.

"Uh wow," Ashton said, a little baffled. "How are you planning on doing it in three days?" Ashton asked the blonde, and Luke smiled again innocently.

"I was hoping, that maybe you could-..." Luke started but Ashton interrupted him.

"I see where this is going, you want me to play tech man again, don't you?" A defeated sigh left Ashton's lips as he saw how hopeful Luke looked at him. He could easily turn Luke down, and a part of him wanted to, as an act of revenge. However, Ashton didn't have it in him. He couldn't be that mean, even if he had any right to. He couldn't find it in him to turn down a person that was clearly in need of help.

Another sigh left Ashton's lips, "fine." A big grin spread around Luke's face, and Ashton wondered slightly why Luke wouldn't show the world this version of him. The polite and kind version. The world would truly love him if people could find it in them to love a so cold and mean version of Luke he showed the world.

"But let's breakfast first before the hotel closes their buffet in," Ashton checked his clock. Fuck, they were late, "ten minutes." Ashton cursed slightly, all he wanted was some food to start the day, but no. He had babysitting-duty.

"Actually," Luke trailed off, "I was thinking-..."

"What now?" Ashton almost cursed, but luckily held his tongue.

"Well, uhm," Luke began, unsure how to bring it up. "Well, hashtag a message to the haters is trending on Twitter right now, and well, Brian will figure it out quickly. However, if get hashtag lashton to trend the same people talking about my album will for a brief second focus on lashton, and the tag will die a little. At least, I hope. And maybe, hopefully, if we're lucky, Brian won't notice."

"Okay..." Ashton said pausing for a minute, "but what does that got to do with breakfast? Which is ... eight minutes until it closes."

"We could eat out, and hope for our picture being taken?" Luke suggested, and Ashton nodded towards the blond with a tight smile. He'd already agreed to help Luke, it was too late to back out of it now. Hopefully, this would make Luke, even if it was just one bit, nicer. Because he was willing to at least get along with Ashton. Whom was doing a great deal for Luke, who never seemed to return the favour. Ashton was basically out here saving Luke's entire reputation, but the blond didn't seem to care for that.

That's how the fake couple ended up at a lovely café close to the hotel. But not to close so Luke and Ashton would be seen holding hands. This time, though, it was a lot nicer holding Luke's hand since he didn't try to kill Ashton's hand. A quick walk was made from the hotel to the café, and Ashton could on their way already spot the paparazzi but tried to ignore it. If he looked right into the camera it would look less natural. Instead, he tried to focus on the semi-awkward conversation they were having.

At the café, Ashton ate small bits of a sandwich along with a black coffee while Luke ate of some salad. It could've been Caesar salad, but Ashton didn't pay attention to what Luke had ordered, and more on the way the French rolled of Luke's tongue. Luke wasn't the slightest fluent, but at least he knew how to pronounce those fancy names. Unlike Ashton who had a terrible English accent.

"So," Luke said picking at the salad noticing how Ashton had barely touched his food. "I thought you were hungry."

"I was until the entire thing was recorded," Ashton mumbled, his insecurities showing. The honey-brunet didn't want the entire world watching him eat some food, it was uncomfortable. He was scared of getting judged and called ugly things. Before Ashton started dating Luke, he'd never received hate comments before. Sure, he'd been called ugly things before, but nothing on this lever. There was always the normal amount of school bullies, but those were nearly harmless. Haters, people on the internet, writing mean comments shouldn't get to him, but they still did. And Ashton was all alone dealing with because normally your significant other would be by your side and defend you. However, Luke and Ashton's relationship were fake. Ashton was truly alone with it all.

"Oh," Luke answered intrigued and laughed. However, it felt like it was more of a show than it was real. Luke did truly just smile for the cameras. "We can if you want," Luke said, touching Ashton's hand that was resting on the table, "go back to the hotel and eat there."

Luke made a movement as if he was getting up, but Ashton was quick to reply. "No." Luke looked puzzled as if he didn't get Ashton would decline his offer when it was obvious Ashton wanted to accept.

"Why not?" Luke asked scooting closer to Ashton as if he could read him better if he was closer. He couldn't, but it was almost worth a try.

"This isn't enough to get lashton trending on Twitter," Ashton replied simply as if he knew the algorithms of the popular social media.

"And what is?" Luke was again confused, still not understanding what Ashton was getting at.

The honey-brunet didn't answer in words but pressed his lips against Luke's in a slow, but passionate kiss. Lips barely moving for a moment, as if that would ruin the purity of the moment. Because it was something pure about the kiss. It was so simple, plain – nothing like the other they shared in the back alley. However, Luke found to enjoy this a lot more as he pushed closer to Ashton. Gripping at whatever he could grab. His hands found themselves getting a good grip around Ashton's waist, despite the awkward situation they were in.

Sitting had never been an ideal passion for kissing. However, Luke and Ashton worked it out. Ashton's hands were back in Luke's hair like they'd done before. It seemed like Ashton's hands were attracted towards Luke's hair. Or maybe it was Luke's hair that attracted Ashton's hands? It didn't matter much.

Ashton couldn't find himself caring at least. He sighed something reminding him of satisfactory as Luke deepened the kiss. Almost as he wanted this kiss to happen. Ashton couldn't admit that he wanted it and denied an urge ever existing. However, that didn't stop Ashton from pressing up against Luke. Hoping to get as close as possible. Almost desperate for every and any contact he could get.

At least, Ashton could admit Luke was appealing. Luke was appealing in a strange way and even though Ashton would swear to God he hated the blond man's guts. He still found something about him appealing, maybe it was his looks? Not his personality, for sure. But there was something. Something that drew Ashton closer, both physically and metaphorically speaking. Right now, Ashton found himself in the arms of the asshole celebrity hidden away from the cruel world. Kissing him like there was no tomorrow. And Ashton wouldn't have done that if there wasn't something appealing about the blond. However, Ashton wouldn't admit this either.


	18. The gang's all here

"Where are we going?" Ashton asked for the third time as Luke turned the car left, still not answering Ashton where they were supposed to head. He'd woken up Ashton and told Ashton to tag along. At first the honey-brunet had suspected something studio related, but as Brian had wished them a good trip Ashton had turned clueless. Where the fuck was Luke taken him.

"Somewhere," Luke replied smugly, and Ashton groaned in frustration.

"I'll have you know kidnapping is against the American law," Ashton said frustration obvious in his voice. Luke only laughed though, and Ashton was proud of himself for being able to tell that it was genuine laugh.

"Doubt taking your boyfriend out for a drive counts as kidnapping," Luke replied with ease, and for a second the sentence made Ashton feel like they actually were a couple.

"Fake boyfriend," Ashton mumbled.

"Not to the press or police," Luke replied, and Ashton felt stupid for assuming Luke had ever meant anything else. Luke had been more than obvious that he wanted nothing to do with this fake relationship, going as far as sending Ashton to the hospital.

"Where are we going?" Ashton asked, mostly for changing the subject before it got awkward.

"A place," Luke mumbled uneasy, and Ashton felt like the celebrity would break soon if he pressed the matter further.

"Called?"

"Something."

"And that something is?"

"The name of the place."

"And the name is?"

"Ashton please, stop," Luke begged, not very seriously. But not jokingly either. More like the blond also knew that he wouldn't be able to keep it from Ashton if Ashton pressed the matter further. This was, of course, fuel to the fire, Ashton grew determined to find out where they were heading.

"Luke, please," Ashton began, "tell me. Where are we going?" Luke's blue eyes briefly met his before quickly diverting to the road. Not because Luke needed to focus, Ashton knew it wasn't, it was because it was easier to ignore Ashton that way.

A defeated sigh left Luke's lips before he once again looked back at Ashton. This time his eyes lingered longer. "Fine," Luke began, but left the word hanging for a while. "We're going to the airport. That's all I'm saying."

"The airport? Why would go there? We aren't leaving before the day after tomorrow. We haven't packed anything. Luke, who are we getting?" Luke pressed his lips together in a straight line to show that he wasn't saying anything else, and Ashton groaned in frustration. The brunet tried questioning Luke further, but the blond really kept his promise, he wasn't saying a word. Eyes never leaving the road, when Ashton realised they were approaching the airport he shut up. For the sake of Luke. Whoever they were meeting didn't want to see Luke in a snappy mood towards his (fake) boyfriend.

The car slowly drove into the parking house, before it stopped completely. "C'mon they'll be here soon," Luke said as left the vehicle. Ashton was quick to follow the blond, still curious about who they were getting. Was this another publicity stunt?

Luke rushed quickly towards the airport but stopped for a moment waiting for Ashton to catch up. "We should probably," Luke began, but his eyes shifted. As if he was nervous, or scared, but Ashton didn't think much of it. What would Luke fear anyways? Ashton looked at him, studying the blond for a brief second. Unsure what Luke was trying to do or say. The blond bit his lip slightly his gaze shifted from the ground and Ashton.

"Probably what?" Ashton asked when it seemed like Luke wasn't going to continue his sentence. 

"Hold hands," Luke mumbled before his stare diverted to the concrete. "I mean, since we don't know if there will be any fans or press there." Luke ended the sentence with an awkward laugh, and Ashton felt slightly uncomfortable on Luke's behalf. However, he decided no to comment and just took Luke's hand in his before they were once again on their way to the airport.

Inside the airport, they headed straight to the sign that read 'Arrivals'. Luke dragged Ashton along while the honey-haired male was more focused on observing the place. What were they doing here? Obviously, fetching someone – but who could that person? How special would a person have to be that the Luke Hemmings would fetch you himself, along with his fake boyfriend. More special than said fake boyfriend that was for sure.

Luke led them to some seats where he seated himself, eyes not diverting from the arrival's corridor. Ashton sat beside him, studying the blond for a second before following his gaze. "So, who are we getting?" Ashton asked, knowing he probably wasn't getting an answer.

"They'll be here in about ten minutes, so you'll see then," Luke replied, and Ashton scoffed. The hazel-eyed frowned a bit, hoping Luke would answer him if he noticed Ashton's disgruntlement. He didn't. Sadly. Ashton sighed, and tried to entertain himself by once again scanning the airport. That's when he locked eyes with a teenage girl. For a second they shared eye contact before Ashton looked away. He knew she recognized them; the way she was staring at them made it obvious. However, she seemed too shy to approach them.

Ashton leaned nearer to Luke, expecting the blond to flinch away but he didn't. "We're being watched," Ashton whispered in Luke's ear. Subtly nudging to the girl that was still staring at them.

"She'll quit it when she notices we're busy," Luke mumbled, and gripped Ashton's shoulder and dragged him closer. Their lips met for a brief second before Ashton pulled quickly away.

"Luke Hemmings," Ashton said horrified, "are you seriously ignoring a fan?" Luke looked at him and several emotions flashed across his face, Ashton could interpret all, but shame, annoyance and smugness were some of them. "C'mon we're greeting her, right now." Ashton gripped Luke's head before he dragged a reluctant celebrity after him.

"Hi," Ashton greeted as he approached the girl, and Luke did an awkward wave.

"H-Hey," the girl stuttered out, the voice was meant to be loud, but it was barely louder than a whisper.

"We noticed you're a little shy, and Luke wondered if you wanted a picture with him or an autograph," Ashton continued.

"Yeah," Luke lied.

"O-oh," the girl stuttered, "thank you," she smiled a large genuine smile, and Ashton returned the large smile. He knew that this probably had made her day, probably her entire month. And if that wasn't worth taking a few pictures and some small talk, then Ashton didn't know what was.

"Do you want me to take a picture of you and Luke+" Ashton offered. He knew he was Luke's boyfriend; he wasn't a celebrity himself. There wasn't a guarantee that people were a fan of him just because they were a fan of Luke. The internet had already proven this.

"Uh, is it possible that you're in the picture too?" she asked so sweetly, "if it isn't too much to ask. I like you a lot," she confessed. "Luke's lucky to have you."

"I feel like the luckiest man," Luke replied to her and shocked Ashton. Ashton had to be honest not expected a reply but played it off by laughing a bit.

"Of course," Ashton replied, before they lined up to take some selfies, Luke snapped a lot of pictures and Ashton started laughing when Luke didn't stop. They both hugged her goodbye before they returned to their original seats.

"See, that wasn't that bad," Ashton said, but Luke didn't reply. However, a small smile was evident on his features. Ashton looked around for a few seconds and had almost forgotten their errand. Whoever they were here to pick up should be here anytime. As soon as he'd finished that thought he spotted a familiar figure. The honey-brunet squinted, it couldn't be. Could it? As the person approached Ashton realised, it was.

"Oh my fucking god," Ashton said a little too loud, "Calum?" Ashton couldn't contain himself from running towards the black-haired male and give him a tight hug. "What, are you doing here, mate?"

Calum was quick to return the hug. "I'm joining you and Luke for the world tour," the kiwi boy said excited. "I wanted to tell you sooner, but Luke said it was supposed to be a surprise." Ashton released his grip before turning to Luke.

"You set this up ... for me?" Ashton wanted to hug Luke and tell the blond how much it meant to him, but he restrained himself. Mostly because and Luke's and his relationship (not the fake one) was a little strange.

"Yeah, I thought since a friend of mine is joining the tour too, you'd want one too," Luke replied a little awkward, but Ashton didn't mind he couldn't help but grin widely. Calum was here! He'd for sure keep Ashton sane when Luke was acting like a jerk.

"Who's your friend?" Ashton asked, but Luke didn't have time to answer.

"Hola bitches!" Ashton turned towards the voice to be greeted of a blond doing the alien sign.

"Michael?" Ashton asked surprised but pulled him into a hug too. "I thought you already were in New York."

"Nah, I was back in LA, I flew across the country just for you," Michael winked at Ashton.

"You really know how to make a girl feel special," Ashton joked along and broke into laughter.

"Okay, but I flew across the world for you," Calum said, making Ashton laugh even harder. When Ashton had calmed down, he managed to get a reply out.

"But dating you would be breaking the bro code."

"Okay, so the gang's all here, let's get back to the hotel. We have a lot to do," Luke said, and he seemed a little annoyed, but Ashton couldn't understand why. Instead, he nodded in agreement to Luke's statement before the gang started following Ashton and Luke to the car. The walk consisted mostly of Calum and Michael presenting themselves to each other and Ashton trying to figure out how the fuck he was going record an album with Luke, but also entertain Calum. Meanwhile making sure Brian didn't know anything about his and Luke's scheme.

When they came to the car, Ashton helped Calum and Michael with their luggage. When he was done Calum was already seated in the back seat, so Ashton chose to sit next to Calum, making Michael choose the passenger seat. Calum and Ashton talked privately just the too of them for the entire ride. Mostly because Ashton had missed a real friend and he felt like he had, and Calum had so much to catch up on.

Luke didn't realise he'd been giving Calum angry glares before Michael pointed it out.

"And you expect me not to believe you like him," it was the first thing Michael had said to him. He'd spent most of the time either ignoring Luke or glaring at him.

"I don't," Luke mumbled, eyes on the road, not even glancing Michael's way. The blond didn't know if he could bear it. The guilt was already eating him up inside, watching Michael only made it worse.

"Hah," Michael snorted. "Then why are you trying to set his best friend on fire with your eyes?"

"I'm not-..." Luke started.

"Don't start with more of your lies. At least you should admit to yourself you're fond for him," Michael said.

"Don't speak so loud," Luke hushed him.

"What? Scared your lover-boy will hear?" Michael teased. "Don't worry, he hasn't heard us," Michael reassured him. Luke looked a bit relieved, but Michael didn't comment on that. What he did say was, "I don't care about your stupid feelings, or 'not-feelings' as you claim them to be, but just stay away from him. You don't deserve him.


	19. Showbiz might kill me

"This act is brand new. At least it is if you ask the crew," Luke started singing after Ashton had told him he could. They were once again back at the studio; it had taken forever to lose Brian - even longer to lose Michael and Calum. But they were finally here. This song was more upbeat than the previous ones, but the message was still the same.  
Luke wanted this to be an upbeat song. A song you danced to, a song that hopefully topped the charts, because of its blunt message.

"You think you know me and my songs. As if they talk about my wrongs," Luke continued, the song was already picking up its pace. "Haven't written a song since twenty sixteen. You don't know me just because you see me through a screen."

Luke quieted down for a second letting the guitar and bass play, "We just want things that sell. I mean who cares, if I'm well?" Luke sang it almost mockingly, mocking not only his crew and the people around him but also the entire business. "I'm a money machine. An entertainer locked to the scene."

"Just shut up and smile. Remember to arrive in style," Luke sang as he began on the pre-chorus. It was sung in a more hushed voice, as the melody was building up to the chorus. "Greet fans and wave. Be well-dressed and shave. Look good, no one cares if you're misunderstood."

"Showbiz might kill me, and I might let it," Luke finally began on the chorus. The song was starting to be upbeat. Both showing Luke's amazing vocals, but also creating the perfect vibe for the song to be a song to top the charts. "Showbiz might kill me. Now that would be a headline," Luke sang, while the latter sentence was followed up Luke's laughter that was already recorded. "Stop telling me it's fine. Showbiz, showbiz might kill me, but that's just showbiz," Luke sang again, dragging out the word showbiz.

"Right, right?" Luke asked not singing the words before he began singing the second verse. "This business is digging my grave. It's fine since there's nothing left to save," the sentence held more meaning than the blond would like to admit, and as he sang those words, he could feel himself pouring his emotions into it. It was raw but real and Luke liked it like that. It felt heartfelt, for once. "Is there anything left to be seen?" Luke continued to sing.

"Let's all hear it for Luke Hemmings, the alcoholic celebrity, drug addict at age 19," Luke spoke this sentence as he was a salesman, acting into a role. As if Luke Hemmings was a product you could buy, and sometimes - sometimes Luke felt like he was. If not for the audience, then at least for the industry. "I'm just a puppet to the business. A depressed mess," Luke started to sing again. "But what a show, right? I don't know might pick a fight." The sentence 'I mean this guy just looked at me, he's asking for it' was played in the background, another thing they'd recorded before Luke started to sing.

"Let's set up a fake scene, to the miserable teen," Luke finished the second verse before the pre-chorus began. "Just shut up and smile. Remember to arrive in style. Greet fans and wave. Be well-dressed and shave," Luke paused slightly before he continued to sing. "Look good, no one cares if you fucking hate yourself." Another sentence they'd recorded beforehand was played 'Hell, I know I do'. With that Luke was back to sing the chorus.

"Showbiz might kill me. Is this obvious enough critic for you, by the way?" The catchy beat managed to conceal the snarky question to the press, though the lyrics were obvious enough. "Do I need to spell it out that I'm not okay? Showbiz might kill me. Now that would be a headline. Stop telling me it's fine. Showbiz, showbiz might kill me, but that's just showbiz."

"So, my lunch is more important than what the president said?" Was played through Luke's headphones, one of the many clips they'd recorded before. The melody started to change a bit signalising the bridge was about to come. "I feel like might be dead. My life's hanging by a thread," Luke dragged out the vocal once again showing off his amazing voice. "If you had a shred ... of decency, you'd know the rumours you spread ... are fucking lies." The blond paused for a second, "but who cares? Showbiz wants me dead," and with that ending the song. The tune faded out and Luke looked at Ashton through the glass who gave him thumbs up.

"That was amazing!" Ashton spoke excitedly, and Luke could feel his face flush from the compliment, not because of the compliment itself, but because it was from Ashton. "I don't think we need another take; this was pretty good." Luke nodded slightly before he took off the headphones and walked out of the booth to join Ashton. He went over to Ashton and stood intentionally closer to Ashton needed. The brunet didn't seem to notice, so Luke held his ground. Ready to move if Ashton ever were to request it. Ashton clicked on a few buttons before he stopped to gaze at Luke.

"If you wanna," Ashton began, "we could listen to the song now, it's a rough version, but it'll still give you an impression if it's what you had in mind." Luke nodded to the reply before they listened through the song titled 'Showbiz might kill me'.

"It's exactly what I had in mind," Luke said excitedly as the song finished.

"Good," Ashton replied, "I like it."

"You do?"

"Yeah, it's a nice middle finger to the entire industry. But .... Do you think they'll punish you for this," Ashton asked his hazel eyes shining with worry, and Luke had to restrain himself from giving his fake-boyfriend a hug. Fake boyfriend, Luke had to remind himself. And he wondered for the first time ever if it would be bad if they removed 'fake' from the title.

"What could they do?" Luke asked, "I mean, they won't kill my career, I make too much money for them. They can't ruin any reputation I haven't already ruined; I don't have friends left to fight with. The worst thing they could do is take Petunia away from me," Luke shrugged slightly. "I have nothing left to lose."

"Isn't there a saying that's like the most dangerous man has nothing left to lose?" Ashton wondered out loud.

Luke laughed a bit and shrugged, "I don't know. I don't think of myself as pretty dangerous though."

"You could be," Ashton argued.

"I've been a lot of fights, but my punches aren't that strong. Still wouldn't think of myself as a dangerous man," Luke joked, though of course, it held some truth to it. Most of his jokes did, he parodied himself in his own lyrics by being an alcoholic and junkie, but it was all true. Luke knew he wasn't cured of it all, he could easily go back to his old ways in just mere seconds. Luke was an addict, he wasn't cured, and he would probably not be in years. At least, for now, he was just an alcoholic on his way to better. A junkie in rehab, he wasn't cured, he just went without the drugs he craved.

"You've got money and fame, and you could easily use it to your advantage. That's dangerous, and your attitude of nothing matters is even more dangerous because nothing will stand in your way for both great and bad things," Ashton spoke, and Luke agreed. He agreed that Luke could easily turn to a bad man if he hadn't been such a coward. He was too scared to do such drastic things, not that Luke even knew what these "bad things" were supposed to be. He just knew that he could easily abuse the power he had.

"That's not true," Luke argued, Ashton was about to say something, but Luke continued before the brunet got the chance to say anything. "It's true that I don't care about a lot of things, but I care about some things. Probably too little, but there are still a few things."

"What do you care about?" Ashton asked a bit harshly, but Luke didn't mind the tone - it was justified. Luke knew he was - and to some degree still was - an ass. "Yourself?"

Luke almost laughed, what a joke. Luke fucking hated himself. If someone asked Luke to kill the man, he hated the most, the press would call it a suicide. There were very little things Luke liked about himself, couldn't even name one. Luke's hatred to the man he'd turned ran even deeper than his hatred for Brian. The only reason Luke wasn't dead, was because he was a fucking coward. He'd tried, he'd tried to kill himself. No one knew, but he had. He'd been too afraid to pull the trigger. And somehow, that made Luke hate himself even more.

"No," the answer was so blunt that Luke could see the hurt flash across Ashton's face before it was replaced with pity. It was always pity. Luke hated pity, that's why he didn't like talking about it. No, that he had anyone to talk to. He hated it because people pitied him, sometimes Luke didn't want to hear 'it's going to be okay' he wanted to hear 'man, that sucks'. And let that be the end of it. "I was thinking more of Petunia and my fans. That kind of stuff. I love my parents and my brothers. And ..." Luke trailed off. The list was short. He wanted to say he loved Michael, but Luke wasn't so sure. If he even cared about Michael, how could he ever do what he'd done towards Michael? He'd slept with Michael's fiancée. All by himself, Luke had ended an engagement that wasn't his to end.

"Do you," Ashton asked looking at him sincerely, and Luke felt a little scared. A look like that could make Luke spill all his darkest secrets, that he'd never tell anyone, sober. Ashton had way much more power over Luke than the blond realised. Although, Ashton had no way of knowing if he'd asked Luke about his darkest secret, the one he didn't tell anyone. The one Brian knew about and knew not to speak about. The one that had made Luke so fucked up he'd picked up drinking in the first place - Luke would spill it. And that scared Luke. "Do you really care? About them, I mean," Ashton continued.

"I do," Luke replied in a heartbeat. And maybe his heart even had a little space reserved for Ashton. It was unbelievable, that Luke was starting to care about his fake-boyfriend, but he realised he actually was caring. That maybe, he already cared.

"How can you love them, when you don't even love yourself?" Fuck, the truth behind the words hit too hard. It was exactly that kind of confrontation Luke hated and made him crave a drink, so he could stop thinking about it and drown his sorrow. It sucked knowing you were depressed, so if Luke could think about anything else, he'd rather do that. Alcohol was just a cheap getaway.

"I," Luke didn't have a good answer to that. And instead of replying honestly, Luke could feel himself putting up his walls to protect himself. Ashton had easily torn down his walls, and Luke hadn't even noticed. He was getting too comfortable around the boy; this couldn't end well. "Just forget it," Luke spit out harshly. Luke could see the hurt once again flashing across Ashton's face, but this time Luke forced himself not to care about it.

"Are we done for the day?" Luke asked, but he didn't even wait for the answer, he took his notebook and guitar before he started to go outside. He was pissed. A bit at Ashton for daring to ask him a question like that. Pissed that it was true, he fucking hated himself, and Ashton knew. He hated that Ashton knew. But he was more pissed at himself. For letting his walls down, for letting Ashton get so close. He was pissed at himself for himself allowing Ashton to figure it out. Ashton was a smart guy, he'd figure out - if he hadn't already - that Luke's hatred had a root from somewhere. Like childhood trauma. Maybe if Luke kept playing the stupid role of the cocky celebrity, maybe Ashton would think it came from fame. Just like everyone else did. The blond knew though, it was of no use. Ashton wasn't a fool; he was going to find out. Luke would rather die than tell Ashton about it or anyone. Not even Michael knew, and they'd known each other since they were kids. Known each other before it happened.

Luke was taking this secret to his grave, and beyond. Ashton came out of the studio only moments after, and Luke locked up the studio before they drove back to the hotel. It was a quiet and uncomfortable ride, Ashton kept giving him the eye. As if Ashton just looked long enough all Luke's secrets would spill. They wouldn't, Luke had to make sure of that.


	20. Not alone

"Where were you?" was the first thing Luke and Ashton met as they tried to sneak back into the hotel room, failing miserably, of course. Ashton slightly panicked it was Brian, but his hazel eyes met the green eyes of Michael and he sighed in relief. He wasn't ready to face Brian now; nor would he be ready another day.

"We-..." Ashton began but he trailed off, not sure what he should say, so didn't continue. His eyes flicked slightly and looked for something to settle his gaze on. They landed on the wall behind Calum.

"Were out," Luke finished a bit harshly and didn't continue with an explanation. Ashton could see Michael's frown, and although he felt sorry for Michael, and felt bad for lying – well at least not telling the truth. He knew he couldn't tell them; it would just make the chance of getting caught by Brian higher, and Ashton had promised Luke to help him.

"So," Calum started, "what were you going to do now?" Aston knew by that question that his friend wanted them to hang together, or at least that Calum could hang with Ashton. Ashton would more than anything spend time with his best friend right now. There was weird tension in the room right now, and Ashton wished he could escape it. Luke had been selective mute since the studio, pissed because Ashton started to see his real colours. What did the blond expect anyways? His lyrics were screaming about how much Luke hated himself, had he really thought that Ashton wouldn't have picked it up? Michael, on the other hand, seemed angry at Luke. Ashton knew they weren't actually friends anymore; he knew that they pretended to be for the public. Expect for that – nothing. However, Ashton didn't know what the conflict was.

Ashton looked at Luke slightly who said nothing and shrugged as a response to Calum. "Maybe," Calum began, "we could go out. I'm hungry, and I'd like to see more of New York." Ashton loved Calum for being nice and trying his best to make everyone happy. Calum was a peacemaker in a way, he always tried to solve a conflict, but the black-haired male tried to gape over more than he could swallow. Ashton didn't think it was very wise the four of them went out. Luke was a problematic person, Michael and Luke had their problems, Luke was angry at Ashton for whatever reason and Ashton didn't think Luke liked Calum all that much. Luke was the core of all problems. Ashton would love to eat some dinner with Michael and Calum, but he couldn't leave Luke behind. Not only because it was his job, but also because it was wrong.  
Though Luke claimed to hate Ashton, Ashton was still the person Luke had the least problems with.

"We could just order in?" Ashton suggested, going out would be a disaster. Ashton didn't know what would come fights, a drunken Luke or a press scandal, but it was better to be on the safe side. Staying in seemed to be the better option. Calum, God bless his heart, didn't know this and thought Ashton was being killjoy as he could tend to be. Calum should've known better Ashton thought as Calum continued to press the matter.

"C'mon~, it'll be fun. And I'm seriously craving some junk food," Calum said and looked at the other. Michael seemed to agree with the idea. He'd been reluctant at first, but he seemed to have changed his mind and was now glaring at Luke. Luke stood by Ashton stiff like a stick, none of them said anything. Luke didn't want to go out with any of that Ashton assumed, and Ashton wasn't in the mood to play babysitter and also keep the peace between the group. A dinner with Luke, Calum and Michael would be physically draining, Ashton would be forced to make Michael and Luke play nice, and he'd be torn between watching Luke and entertaining him and talking to Calum. To be honest, it was too much hassle. Not to mention Calum still didn't know the relationship was fake, and Ashton didn't think the right time of telling his best friend was during dinner surrounded by paparazzi.

Calum gave his best puppy eyes look, and Ashton sighed slightly. He was going to give in, there was no point in arguing Calum always got what he wanted. As the honey-brunet was about to give in, he could feel a hand sneak around his waist and drag him slightly backwards until his body collided against Luke's. He could feel Luke lean into the touch before his warm breath fanned his left ear.

"Ashton, darling, we should keep the lashton hashtag trending on Twitter," Luke whispered, and his lips ghosted slightly against Ashton's ears. Against his will, shivers crawled down Ashton's spine, the entire scene was doing things to his body he wouldn't like to admit out loud. "We should go dine out," Luke continued still leaning against Ashton none of them caring that Michael and Calum were giving them weird looks. Luke paused for a slight second, "alone."

"Uh," was the intelligent answer that escaped Ashton's lips, the whole scenery was still clouding his logic. The only thing that went through his mind was Luke. Luke's lips against his ear. Luke's husky voice. Luke's hand wrapped protectively around his waist. Luke's hot breath against his skin. His own body pressed against Luke's strong body. And that Ashton wouldn't mind if Luke kissed his nape, even leaving a few marks. The thought scared him slightly, that he'd think such things about Luke, but he was quick to dismiss them. "Sure," Ashton replied. He wanted to add more, but he held his tongue, he could let details slip when Calum and Michael were watching them as intensely as they did.

Ashton squirmed a little in Luke's grip as he realised how long they'd been standing like that, and that there were still people watching them. Luke was quick to release him, and Ashton didn't dare meet anyone's eyes. His face was flushed, and he was embarrassed.

"I hate to be an asshole like this," Luke began eying Calum carefully, not even looking at Michael as the blond could hear his ex-best friend mutter the words 'no, you don't'. "But Ashton and I have dinner reservations for two. But don't let us stop you, Calum, go wild and other anything you want I'll pay." Ashton could see the frown on Calum's face and hated ditching his best friends for a celebrity he didn't even like, but then again this was Ashton's job.

"Dinner reservation?" Ashton asked, and decided to play along, he had to pretend he didn't know of them because moments earlier he'd just suggested that they could order in, a guy with dinner reservations wouldn't suggest that.

"It was supposed to be a surprise," Luke mumbled a bit embarrassed, and Ashton would've believed the act if he didn't know how full of shit Luke could be. Luke was lying obviously to get away from Michael and Calum, but also to save his own ass, and he decided to drag Ashton into his mess.

"O-oh," Ashton said, and he could actually feel his cheeks flushing, despite knowing it was fake. Why did his mind think that he was going on a date with Luke? It was a paid work dinner if anything. Ashton blamed it at his brain still being caught up in the prior moment when Luke's lips had been dangerously close to his ear, neck and face. He left it at that and didn't bother dwell into it, knowing he'd only find answers he'd struggle to accept.

"I'm sorry Calum, I ... didn't know," Ashton looked apologetic at his best friends, but sent the same look Michael's way.

"Ah, no worries, mate," Michael began, "Cal, we could go to the same restaurant and have a table for two," Michael finished. Ashton didn't know if the other male was joking or not. Looking at Michael's face it just made it harder to understand if he was or wasn't joking.

"Go ahead," Luke said and shrugged, and somehow Ashton had expected Luke to try to stop them. "If you want the paps to think you're dating."

"They know I'm bi, I don't mind," Michael began, but quickly looked at Calum. "Ah, sorry. I wouldn't do that to you," Michael said and smiled slightly at Calum. Ashton didn't know what 'that' meant, but he had his ideas. Either forcing Calum into this world of celebrities or forcing Calum into a label as gay or bi. Maybe it was feeding him to the predators of a press or exposing Calum's private life to the whole world. It didn't matter, Michael said he wouldn't do it.

"Anyways, we gotta go," Luke said and took Ashton's hand as he dragged him out of the hotel room. Ashton sent a last apologetic look towards Calum, but his best friend refused to look at him. Ashton felt like he had betrayed Calum, and in a way he had. He'd chosen Luke over Calum, but he'd make it up to Calum. Somehow. Luke grabbed a jacket for him and Ashton before they were out the door and Ashton realised as he put on the jacket that it was Luke's. He didn't know if Luke had done it intentionally or if he was in a hurry – the fans would love it either way.

Ashton could hear Michael curse them out loud as they left, and he knew Calum silently agreed. Ashton felt bad. His best friend had flown across the world to be here for him, and Ashton ditched him. As if Ashton didn't appreciate all Calum had done for him. He did, of course, but Ashton had a job he needed to keep! And something far more important to spend his paychecks on than whatever people his age would spend their money on. Probably alcohol, parties and cars.

After leaving the hotel and almost fighting through the paparazzi, Ashton was still nowhere getting used to the paparazzi, it was still overwhelming and uncomfortable, and he clung onto Luke as his life depended on it. Luke didn't comment on it, but he smiled slightly and wrapped an arm around Ashton for better protection. Ashton sunk into the touch immediately, normally he hated sharing his personal space, but the comfort of Luke's touch was enough to make those thought disappear. The car ride was awkward, they said nothing, they just continued to hold hands for the ten-minute drive. At least, it seemed like it was ten minutes, Ashton realised after he checked his phone that it was actually the double amount. He'd been too caught up in his guilt towards Calum and other thoughts to notice, Ashton assumed.

There was a hoard of paparazzi outside the restaurant too, and Ashton wondered how they'd gotten there so far. Ashton didn't even know where they were going, how could they have known? It didn't matter much though, he just had to ignore them like usual.

"Luke! Look here!"

"Luke would you give us a comment on your world tour?!"

"How's the date with Ashton going?!"

"Tell us about your boyfriend!"

"Ashton tell us about Luke!"

"Look here!"

It was so overwhelming, and Ashton gripped onto Luke's hand, probably close to crushing bones. He just hated it. He hated the crowd. He hated the flashing cameras. The numerous requests, and the way every little part of him was on display. If Ashton did one thing wrong, they'd know. They'd see it. Ashton hated it. Luke gave Ashton a small squeeze, and even if Ashton couldn't prove it, he knew it was Luke's way of telling to relax. It was a reassurance, and Ashton felt dependent on Luke at the moment. Somehow, he didn't mind. It was alright because he knew Luke was there for him. At least momentarily.

They were seated quickly, Luke had no reservation, but he didn't need one either. He just said his name and he was shown to one of those free tables reserved to occasions like these. When a big celebrity walked in and wanted to dine. Ashton didn't focus on the menu and let Luke order, he was more experienced and knew how to pronounce the French names. Ashton would've just made a fool of himself, and those rumours would've quickly reached the press. As the waiter took their menus and orders Luke was quick to grab Ashton's hand and the blond didn't seem to plan on letting go anytime soon. It was fine, Ashton could live with. Even as Champagne was served – and yes, it was Champagne from the district in France. To Luke, it was kind of a big deal, although Ashton couldn't find himself too much. Sparkling wine was sparkling wine in Ashton's head, but apparently that mindset was wrong and spoke of him being low class.

"We should act more in love," Luke commented as Ashton kept sitting there stiff without saying anything.

"Well it's kind of hard, isn't it?" Ashton began, but Luke cut him off.

"Not particularly, I acted as I was in love with dozens of girls in my teenage years when I still was an actor," Luke shot in.

"It's kind of hard when you're acting like a bipolar dick," Ashton finished. Luke's blue eyes shot him a confused look, and Ashton sighed slightly. "One moment you hate me, the next I'm a saving best friend or whatever. You refused to talk to me after our conversation in the studio, but as soon as we stumble into Michael and Calum you turn possessive as if they're about to ruin or special night. We both know you hadn't arranged any date, so they could've joined. But they didn't, because you're immature."

"It's not like that," Luke said a greeted his teeth slightly, "Michael hates me. He's just here to guilt-trip me, which works by the way. And Calum couldn't have joined if we're supposed to keep the Lashton tag trending. I mean, you wouldn't want to call this a date if Calum was with or make-out right next to Calum, would you?"

"That's just poor excuses. You don't like Calum, and whatever you did to Michael I'm sure you started it. This world tour is going to suck if we need to pretend to love each other, I need to babysit you and make sure no one starts ripping each other's throats up," Ashton sighed slightly. He took a sip of the alcoholic drink before he glared slightly at his blond fake-boyfriend.

"Hey," Luke called out, and slowly let his thumb stroke Ashton's hand. Ashton had totally forgotten Luke was still holding his hand. "Ashton, I'm sorry. I'm ... trying to do better, but it's hard."

"What did you do to Michael anyways? He can't hate you that much-.." Ashton began, Luke cut him off quickly.

"He can. And he does," Luke dead-panned. He was serious, Ashton could tell, but he couldn't get why. Why would Michael hate Luke so much? What could the blond possibly have done that was so bad? Killed his mother?

"Luke, what did you do?" Ashton asked, his eyes never leaving Luke's.

"I'd rather not say," Luke shifted in his seat and let his blue eyes wander around the fancy restaurant, so he didn't have to look at Ashton.

"Why not?" Ashton pressed on.

"Because you'd hate me even more," Luke mumbled slightly, looking back at Ashton. For a second, Ashton thought Luke looked a child, and he felt pity for the younger man. He wondered slightly what Luke had gone through to make him so fucked up like he was. Fame and Brian were to causes, fucked up friends was another, but none of them was the full truth.

"I'm going to find out either way you know, either by you or Michael. We're going to live up in each other's spaces for months, and if Michael hates you as much as you claim, he's gonna explode on you and it's not going to be pretty," Ashton tried to reason. It seemed that his argument got to Luke.

"Fine. I'd rather that you heard it from me. I ..." Luke began hesitantly. He paused for a moment, not daring speaking up, gathering all his courage, before he spoke again. "I slept with his fiancée."

"Oh fuck. Oh God," Ashton mumbled and buried his face in his other hand. He felt sick to his stomach that Luke could've done that. He knew Luke had cheated, he'd seen it in tabloids and probably heard of it. But to his best friend, his fiancée. Wow, that was so fucked up.

"I told you it was terrible," Luke mumbled. Though Luke was taller and broader than Ashton he looked like little kid. Ashton didn't know if he was disgusted or if he pitied Luke a little.

"Why would you-... you know what. Let's just not talk about it," Ashton didn't want to think about it, it was all so disappointing in a way. Luke had done it in the past, he knew but it still felt like a problem of the present. It kind of was too. Luke had changed slightly for the better, Ashton had seen it, and this confession almost crushed all change into nothingness. Ashton felt foolish for believing that Luke could become better.

"Ashton, please don't look at me like that," Luke begged quietly, careful not to draw attention as he continued to stroke Ashton's had with his thumb. Ashton's hazel eyes met his blue, and Luke expression was unreadable.

"Luke I," Ashton started but paused slightly. "I'm not saying what you did is okay, it's not. But it's not really my problem, and it's in the past. I don't have the right to judge you. Yeah, you fucked up, but this conversation isn't something you should have with me. I think this thing is between you and Michael. I won't bring it up again, I promise."

"Why are you acting so chill about it?" Luke furrowed his brows and scanned Ashton's face for something. Whatever it was it didn't seem like he found it.

"I don't know if I'm supposed to expect anything else from you, to be honest," Ashton said and trailed off. It felt like Luke was broken record, always playing the same tune over and over again. And Ashton was foolish enough to believe that the next time it played it would continue to play the entire song. But it always rewinded back to the original spot.

"Do you think I can change?" Luke asked in a small voice, and Ashton wanted to believe in him. Ashton wanted to say yes, he wanted to. But he didn't know if he believed it himself. Luke looked so unsure and so helpless and Ashton desperately wanted to give him some hope. Because he knew that Luke didn't have any hope himself. Ashton wanted to see Luke change, but Luke as of now didn't have enough resources to change his ways. If Ashton and everyone else left him alone, Luke would fall back to his old ways.

Ashton sighed slightly and looked at the blond with an honest look. "Not alone," he answered, knowing it was the truth.


	21. Laws of motion

"Not alone," Ashton answered. The words stung a bit, but Luke recognized them as the truth. He was helpless, the blond realised as much. He knew that to a lot of people, and probably to himself too, he was a lost cause. But when he was around Ashton he didn't feel so lost anymore. Around Ashton Luke felt a little hope – that maybe even he could be saved?

"Do you think I'm helpless?" Luke blurted out after he recovered from his shock. His senses caught up with him only seconds too late, "never mind, forget it."

"I don't think you're helpless," Ashton began, "but, you're a real piece of work." Somehow, that reaction lured a smile out Luke, and he grinned shamelessly to Ashton, who sent a small, shy smile back. The action didn't do anything but help the smile grow. Suddenly, Luke leaned a little closer and pulled Ashton closer with him.

"There's a man that's been watching us for a long time," Luke began talking more silent now.

"He probably just recognized you," Ashton dismissed, and was about to pull away, but Luke held him slightly in place.

"He has a camera," Luke continued. A mischievous smile grew on his face, and Ashton could see a glint that hadn't been there previously. "I have an idea," Luke began warily, "just follow me." Ashton looked at him a bit confused, but he didn't have much time to do anything else before Luke's lips were on him. Luke dragged him even closer, as his lips moved slowly against Ashton's. The kiss wasn't rapid, or messy mostly because they were still in a restaurant. However, the kiss was passionate and kind of nice, Ashton would admit. When the time to deepen the kiss came, Luke pulled away. Ashton was grateful for it; he didn't want to be too vulgar in a restaurant. Luke ended up surprising Ashton again when the blond grabbed his hand and went fast towards the man with the camera. Ashton could see him now, and the poorly hidden camera.

"Excuse me, sir," Luke began and surprised the badly disguised paparazzi, "my boyfriend and I would greatly appreciate it if you would just fuck off. We're just trying to enjoy a meal; would you like it if I photographed you?" The blond proceeded to pull out his phone and take a picture of the man. The man looked surprised, but Luke didn't care as he walked away with Ashton hand in hand, only making a small scene.

"Luke," Ashton scolded, "you can't do that."

"Oh, please. I've done worse to paparazzi," Luke said and brushed it off quickly.

"Still," Ashton muttered a bit aggravated, he didn't seem angry, it just seemed like he was trying to lecture Luke on how to be polite.

"My reputation with paparazzi isn't what you'd call clean, he should be fine," Luke replied before he took his jacket and paid for the food. Ashton took his belongings before the two of them walked out of the restaurant. Hand in hand they left the restaurant, outside was a hoard of paparazzi, but Luke and Ashton pushed through with the help of bodyguards. They'd didn't answer any questions, and the two quickly took off to lose the hoard of fake journalists. Luke wouldn't dare call them real journalists.

They ran away from them; this wasn't the first time they'd done so. Although Luke was unsure if he could call it running, he was the one who ran dragging Ashton with him. The poor honey-brunet didn't have any other choice but tag along. It didn't take long, five minutes or so and the couple was alone, so they slowed down so they could catch their breath, but they kept moving in case the paparazzi could catch up with them. Hopefully, they'd have more trouble with running with cameras.

"We should have a lashton moment," Ashton after catching his breath, fingers still intertwined with Luke's. The blond man looked slightly at Ashton with a questioning look but didn't come to a halt. "You know, although dinner's cute and all I doubt it's enough to blow up Twitter."

"You're right," Luke sighed a little defeated. "What do you suggest?" Ashton bit his lip slightly and serious look flashed his face.

"I guess ... we'll have to have a cutesy couple moment," Ashton answered after a moment of thinking. Luke agreed, the fans would love it and the press would even so more. They'd all forget about the upcoming album, and only mention it quickly before focus on the cute couple again. That's how the couple found themselves buying some ice cream, it wasn't about the ice cream at all. Luke didn't even want ice cream, it was just for Ashton to spill some intentionally so Luke could lean in and wipe it away, ignoring all the flashing cameras across the street.

"You have something there," Luke said and felt like the main character of a stupid rom-com movie. He leaned in and wiped away with his thumb, Ashton was only looking back at him with fake adoration in his eyes. Luke looked for a little while at his fake-boyfriend before he smiled a slightly shy smile at the older male. Ashton smiled widely back, and God they probably looked so in love. They weren't though. That did, however, not stop Luke from leaning in and pulling Ashton closer, just so he could kiss Ashton. It was too much PDA for his own taste, but everyone would love it. Even Brian would. Usually, Luke would rather die than please Brian, but he had to remind himself that this wasn't about Brian. Actually, this was about screwing Brian in the long run. This was a mere distraction to keep Brian from discovering his scheme before it was too late.

Kissing Ashton shouldn't feel this good. Luke knew it shouldn't send those shivers down his spine. His heart shouldn't be beating this way. Adrenaline shouldn't be flowing through his veins. His hands shouldn't be dragging Ashton even closer. He shouldn't love the taste of Ashton, and he shouldn't crave the sound of Ashton's small moans. He shouldn't. But he did.

Fuck.

It wasn't something he'd like to admit. Hell, Luke would actually rather please Brian than admit it, but Luke knew. He knew he could feel it. It was an ache in his heart. A thought that never left his head. A ghost in his dreams, a feeling on his skin. He liked Ashton.

He liked Ashton.

He liked Ashton, just like Michael had said. Luke couldn't allow himself to corrupt someone as pure as Ashton. Michael was as usual right about everything. Luke liked Ashton and if he kept spending time with the brunet, that status would turn to love. What was worse was that Luke would probably corrupt Ashton if not push him away just like he did with Michael. He'd either drag Ashton into the grave with him, or he'd shove him so far away that Ashton would never look at him again. Knowing this, Luke felt a need to distance himself from Ashton. He needed to put a barrier between him and Ashton. But Luke was a weak man. He constantly gave up, letting either drugs and alcohol or the public opinion win. Luke was weak, so he couldn't pull himself away from Ashton. Instead, he kissed him deeper, savouring the taste of the brunet.

Alcohol had never tasted better than Ashton.

Drugs had never been more addictive than Ashton.

Ashton was perfect.

The thought itself that Luke could call someone perfect was bizarre. It was like a stranger. Luke didn't do love. Yet here he was kissing what would probably be the love of his life. Ashton was too good for him. Luke shouldn't be allowed to fall for someone like Ashton. Ashton was like a walking God – his looks were the next level of Greek God. His personality was like a saint, like Jesus even. Ashton was pure, he was kind to the bottom of his heart, he wouldn't hurt a fly. And he had blind faith in humanity, he would even believe that there could be some good buried deep inside scumbags like Luke. Ashton and Luke shouldn't co-exist in the same universe. Luke was like a black hole, dragging everything around him into the black void of nothingness. Luke was like a bomb exploding on everything around him. Ashton was like the sun, making everyone's day brighter. Better. He was a force of nature, uncontainable, but beautiful. He created life, at least he'd been able to blow some life into a walking and talking zombie-like Luke.

They shouldn't co-exist. But they did.

And Luke was afraid he'd drag Ashton with him into the black hole.

He was afraid he would do it because he was bound to eventually.

Almost like Newton's law of motion, it was a natural law saying Luke was bound to fuck up. An object either remains at rest or continues to move at a constant velocity unless acted upon by a force. Meaning Luke would stay in the same pattern unless he changed his course, he had fucked before, was fucking up now and would fuck up later. Ashton remained in peace and would continue to move steadily through his life gracefully unless a force, meaning Luke, would come around and fuck it all up.

Despite his fears Luke couldn't help it, Luke let his lips move against Ashton in a heated, passionate kiss. His fingers moving against Ashton's back. He restrained himself from trailing his long fingers under Ashton clothes, but he would've if they were alone. Oh God, the things Luke would've done if they were alone.

Somehow, the fact that Ashton was a male didn't matter anymore. The greatest problem of all time seemed like nothing anymore. Luke had hated being labelled bisexual when he wasn't, but that didn't bother him anymore. He could be whatever for all it mattered, he just wanted Ashton. The label fag, gay or homosexual didn't matter. The only label that bothered Luke was a fake boyfriend. It was tragic, he shouldn't be feeling these things. If not for his own sake, at least he should for Ashton. If Luke liked Ashton so much, he should be able to let him go, knowing it was for the better. But maybe Luke really was as selfish as people claimed him to be? He needed Ashton. He couldn't let him go.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. When Luke fucked up, it was just a matter of time, he'd do so. When Luke fucked up, Ashton would push him away. The higher they got, the harder the fall would be. Luke felt like Icarus, flying to close to the sun, but he couldn't take his eyes of the sun despite knowing the danger. His vax wings would melt, and he'd come crashing down. But the fall didn't seem as scary right now, because of the thrill of flying drowned out any eventual fears of falling. When he hit rock bottom Luke would look at it differently, but Luke couldn't help himself.

He was nothing but a mere object accelerating to his downfall.


	22. How to avoid Calum 101

"Wait, seriously?" Luke asked the person on the other end of the phone call. He couldn't believe his ears. He'd obviously heard correctly, but he still couldn't believe his ears. Because it just didn't make sense. A few months ago, a few weeks ago Luke wouldn't have thought that anything like this could happen. Heck, he didn't believe it could happen right now. It just didn't make sense.

"Yeah man," the man laughed through the phone. The man being none other than Colson Baker, probably more known through his stage name Machine Gun Kelly. "I listened to your single it's a banger," the older man complimented, and Luke laughed slightly. He didn't know if it was genuine or just nervous laughter, didn't have time to contemplate it either.

"Thank you," Luke answered.

Colson continued, "yeah, and then I saw the song titles, you're really shitting on the entire fucking industry. And I wanna be part of it."

Luke laughed loudly, "bro, you haven't even heard half of it." He was absolutely shitting on the entire industry, probably a bit on his own crew too. Luke's statement lured laughter out of the older rapper.

"I'm excited to hear more," the rapper promised, "but as I said, I wanna collab."

"I can't believe that you actually want to," Luke mumbled a bit unsure. It just seemed like a sick prank. Why would someone like Colson Baker want to collaborate with Luke? Sure, the rapper must've heard of Luke's shitty reputation.

"I can't believe we haven't done this before; I mean we're even signed under the same record for fuck's sake," the rapper laughed again, and Luke smiled slightly at the sound. Luke could help but wonder how their fanbases would react, how the press would react and how Brian would react. The manager would probably not mind – he'd probably have bigger troubles with how Luke made an entire album behind his back, how Ashton and Michael's ex-fiancée helped. Brian would hate how Luke schemed behind his back because that meant Brian was losing power – and the day was Luke would fire him came closer and closer. The manager knew that or would realise soon enough.

"I assume most of your songs are done by now, but if you could fit me in on a sing, that would e dope as fuck," Colson continued.

"I might be able to fit you in on a song," Luke said, "I could send you over the lyrics if you want to. It's called 'Stop crying your heart out, no one cares'."

The rapper laughed again, "perfect," he said. "I'm heading for the airport soon, so I'll be York in a couple of hours. I'll text when I'm there. I'll do some writing on my way there." They scheduled where they should meet up, and Luke told Colson that they needed to be very secretive about the whole business, the rapper agreed without questioning him. With that, they ended the conversation, and Luke sent over the lyrics, and what they'd recorded so far.

"Who was that?" Ashton asked Luke hadn't noticed that he'd gotten out of the shower. He'd nothing but a white towel wrapped around his torso, and Luke could still see small droplets covering his tan body. Luke's previous statement of Ashton being a Greek god remained. Luke forced his gaze to sway away from Ashton and down to his phone so he would be caught staring. Realising his feelings for his fake boyfriend hadn't done anything but complicate their already complicated relationship.

"That was," Luke began, trying to think of a lie or a half-truth. But realised it didn't matter if he lied, Ashton would find out either way, and Luke didn't think he was able to lie to Ashton. He was pretty sure he couldn't look into Ashton's hazel eyes without spilling his entire life and darkest secrets. Ashton just had to ask. That scared Luke because he'd sworn to God, the devil and whoever that willing to listen that he wasn't telling Ashton about the incident. He tried to distance himself away from Ashton, so maybe when the day came and Ashton asked what had happened, Luke's ice front, the walls he built up, might be able to last. However, by the looks of it, one look from those marvellous hazel eyes and Luke's entire front would crack up. "Colson Baker, he wants to collab."

"As in Machine Gun Kelly?" Ashton asked, his eyes squinted and studied Luke. Luke tried to not his eyes wander and look at Ashton's muscular body but failed.

"Yeah," Luke replied, eyes darting back to his phone. There was nothing on there that was more important than Ashton, but Luke could pretend. Maybe he could remember all the actor tricks he'd learnt from Disney Channel when he was eight?

"I didn't know you knew him," Ashton continued, he walked to his side of the bed and started to look for clothes. Luke got a good view of Ashton's muscular back and licked his lips just slightly. God, he was too far gone, and Ashton would notice. Luke was too obvious, and Ashton was a smart guy. Luke quickly turned his hungry gaze away when the white towel started to slip.

"I don't," Luke started, he shot up from where he'd been sitting, and tried to find something to do. Something to distract him from turning around and checking out Ashton's butt. "I mean, we've probably been at the same parties, but I've been too drunk or high to remember." Ashton laughed at that, and Luke smirked slightly. He made Ashton laugh. "I don't know him personally, so I was actually surprised he wants to collab, regarding my past and all," Luke continued.

"Isn't that his sort of thing?" Ashton asked and Luke shrugged slightly but didn't know if Ashton saw it. The blond didn't turn around to check, scared that he might be met with a naked Ashton. Luke was scared what he'd do if Ashton was naked, would Luke jump his bones? Most likely. Luke had done a lot of stupid shit, he could admit that, but he'd never raped anyone, and he wasn't about to start with Ashton. Luke shook such horrendous thoughts out of his head, he'd never hurt Ashton willingly, and he'd never harass Ashton.   
His words would maybe hurt Ashton one day, but Luke would never lay a hand on Ashton.

"Anyways, we're supposed to meet him in a few hours, whenever he lands," Luke finally turned around to find Ashton all dressed up and in one of Luke's shirt. He didn't comment it though, not even how much he loved seeing Ashton in his clothes, "well, if you want to do the studio work. I won't force you."

Ashton snickered, "do you know anyone else to do it?" Luke smiled slightly, he didn't know if it was in adoration or if it was a small awkward smile. He needed Ashton; the honey-brunet knew that too, but still Luke was willing to give Ashton an out. Was he really that selfless, or was he selfish because he wanted to seem nice? Ashton would never choose Luke, not even in a million years, but still if Luke acted like this, wouldn't his chances be bigger?

"Uh no," Luke hesitated, "but I mean ... if you don't want to, I'll try to find someone else." Ashton flashed a large smile, and Luke was sure his heart melted at the sight. The blond couldn't help but smile an equally large smile back.

"Don't worry, I'll do it," Ashton said a laid a reassuring hand on Luke's shoulder, but the hand didn't linger. The comforting warmth was gone as quickly as it came, but Luke still felt disappointed that it was gone. Luke was sure there was some weird metaphor about Ashton and their relationship, and how Ashton would heat Luke up then leave him cold, but Luke could bother looking into it. He didn't want to find sick beauty in the inevitable, Ashton was going to leave him one day. And Luke was better off the sooner he accepted that.

The two started to wander out of the hotel room, they were free for most of the day, it was the perfect opportunity to finish the final touches on Luke's album, and apparently work with Colson. Snaking away from Brian was fairly easy, he wasn't even at the hotel – he was supposed to be in some kind of meeting. He hadn't told Luke what kind of meeting, because if he did then Luke would insist to come with – he was pretty sure Brian and some other douches in suit were making decisions about Luke without Luke. Not that the blond could be angry about that right now, he was producing an album in record speed behind his manager's back. Sneaking away from Brian wouldn't be a problem. Sneaking away from Calum and Michael – on the other hand – wouldn't be as easy.

Speak of the devil, and he'll come. Luke could see Calum at the end of the hall walking towards them, and the blond cursed silently. He was without a doubt here to fetch Ashton so they could do stupid best friend stuff in New York and play pretend tourists, Michael would probably come with leaving Luke now choice but to come with. Luke felt strangely possessive over Ashton, and he didn't know why. Was it because they had an album to finish and a rapper to greet? Or was it because Luke liked Ashton and wanted to be alone with the honey-brunet? Luke didn't know, didn't have the time to contemplate and come to some sort of conclusion. The clock was ticking, and Calum was coming closer, Ashton hadn't noticed his best friend yet, but would soon. Calum would probably see them too, Luke bit his lip.

How did he avoid the inevitable? They couldn't meet Calum in the hallway, because if they did, he'd drag Ashton along and all other plans would go down the drain. Luke was confident they could lie their way out of this one, mostly because Ashton didn't have the heart to. Ashton couldn't choose between his best friend and job, and Luke hated to play the work-card, so he tried not to. If he didn't the relationship felt more real, than if he reminded himself that once every month Ashton got a paycheck to hang around his sorry ass. Ashton couldn't choose between Calum and Luke, and though Luke had no right to – he decided for Ashton.

He pushed Ashton against the wall and kissed the brunet. Maybe, just maybe, if Calum saw them kissing, he'd leave them alone? It was worth a shot.

"What the-..." Ashton began, but he didn't finish his sentence before Luke's lips were on him and kissing his. It wasn't a passionate or sweet kiss. It wasn't anything really, it was nothing but a kiss. Luke gave Ashton the chance to pull away, to push Luke off in case Ashton decided he hated it. Or decided it was weird kissing Luke when no one else was around. To Ashton this had to be so weird, they never kissed unless anyone else was around, because their relationship was fake. They kissed to keep the show running, to fool the fans, the press and other celebrities. They kissed to fool people and so Luke could fool himself.

In a way, Luke expected Ashton to push away, to ask what the hell what he was doing. He expected a slap on his cheek or getting kicked in the balls, at least something that would show Ashton's complete disgust. What he didn't expect was Ashton kissing him back, despite it being a likely outcome Luke just didn't expect it. Maybe it was his insecurities get to him, or the fact that Ashton's job didn't include kissing in the hallway to avoid his best friend which Ashton was unaware was approaching. But Ashton kissed him back, and dragged Luke even closer, not hesitating to deepen the kiss.

Luke could feel his heart swell, as Ashton pulled Luke closer, and Luke couldn't help but copy this action. It seemed almost cliché, strange and weird to think about, but Luke felt like they were two puzzle pieces made to fit together. Like Ashton was sculptured to fit with Luke – it was wishful thinking, of course, Luke reminded himself. But that wishful thinking didn't stop Luke from wishing that it was true. The warmth from Ashton was alluring and didn't do anything but pull Luke closer. Ashton was exactly that alluring.

He'd somehow managed to cast some sort of spell on Luke, and Luke was nowhere near breaking it. Not that Luke really minded, Ashton could cast all kinds of spell on him, both good and evil, as long as Luke was close to Ashton. Even if that would in the end leave Luke broken hearted. Ashton's lips traced across his skin, and Luke pressed himself impossibly closer to the honey-brunet, probably crushing Ashton against his own large body and the wall. Ashton didn't seem to mind though, a content hum escaped his lips, and Luke smiled into the kiss.

Luke's tongue slipped into Ashton's mouth, but they didn't spend much time battling for dominance, Ashton almost gave up immediately and let Luke explore his mouth instead. Luke was too caught up in the feeling, in the sensation to care for the outside world, but he could faintly hear someone stop in their tracks before hurry away like the devil was chasing them. It must've been Calum. The plan seemed to be working, but that wasn't enough for Luke. He wanted more, craved more, needed more. Luke couldn't care less for drugs or alcohol; nothing came close to what Ashton had to offer. A high like nothing else, a thrill he'd never felt, but also addicting like nothing he'd encountered.

Teasingly Ashton bit his lower lip, and a surprised moan escaped Luke's mouth. Luke could feel Ashton smirk slightly, and Luke could even describe how hot that was. Or how much more that turned him on, and how he just wanted to let his hands roam Ashton's body, and eventually sleep with Ashton. God, Ashton was going to be the death of him. And Luke would willingly let him. He was a weak man, Luke knew it, but it was proved to him once again when he let his hands roam across Ashton's body, but at least he restrained himself from going under Ashton's clothes, that would be too much. Ashton didn't seem to mind, it seemed like the other male was leaning into the touch- Though Luke was unsure how that was possible, he didn't think they could come any closer than this. Luke broke the kiss slightly to breathe, but Ashton's hands were quickly pulling him in again, and a pleasant sound mixed with laughter escaped Luke. It took them minutes to finally part.

When they finally parted Luke looked away and didn't dare look Ashton in the eyes, Ashton didn't make any effort to catch Luke's eye. Luke had a reason for kissing Ashton, but the reason seemed even more shitty than just wanting to kiss Ashton out of the blue.

"I thought I saw Brian," Luke mumbled as they walked towards the elevator, the excuse was shitty, and Luke was sure Ashton knew it was a lie, but he didn't dare bring up Calum. They didn't say a word after that, but they still held hands.

***

Meeting Colson Baker was very different than what Ashton had expected. The honey-brunet wasn't sure what he had expected, but what he got definitely wasn't it. Ashton had expected the tattoos on full display and swear jars being filled faster than the speed of light. He expected someone more arrogant than Luke, and a height difference between the two men. But there wasn't one, at least Ashton failed to see it. Colson was more laid back than media made him seem like, and the gangster act was mostly just that. An act.

Ashton didn't talk much to Colson though, he was mostly "the boyfriend" and when he wasn't that he was "the tech man". He wasn't a character of interest, at least not to the rapper. Well, that was what Ashton felt. Colson wasn't actually here to make friends, maybe with Luke if anything, but he was here first and foremost to record a song. Ashton didn't feel insulted, he actually felt self-conscious around Colson, so it was fine being ignored. Ashton didn't know why being around the famous rapper made him awkward, but when he was around Luke it was fine. They were equally as famous, (maybe Luke was slightly more famous), but he was used to being around Luke, Colson was a completely new character and he could judge Ashton. Not that Ashton should care about what the celebrity cared, it was unlikely they'd meet again, but Ashton couldn't help it.

Maybe Ashton had been too angry with the young celebrity when they first met, and when the anger subdued, Ashton hadn't had the time to feel awkward? But with Colson, he hadn't gone in great lengths to piss of Ashton and therefore there was room for awkwardness? Colson's verse was mostly finished when he arrived at the studio, and Luke helped him finish it. Ashton didn't contribute much, other than suggesting words that rhymed with hard. Ashton was pretty sure they settled on 'guard', but he wasn't sure.

"Man, I need a drink, or a joint," Colson muttered as he stretched, they seemed like they were done with his verse. Ashton wanted to point out how the clock wasn't even four PM, and Colson wanted to get drunk or high; but the celebrity didn't seem to care. The rapper definitely didn't seem to care as he was rolling ajoint. "You want one?" he offered Luke, but Luke shook his head, and met Ashton's gaze. Ashton was almost sure Luke would've taken it, the blond probably craved drugs and alcohol.

"Nah, I'm tryna stay clean," Luke said, and Colson nodded as an answer before he lit his own.

"I haven't seen you as much in the media lately, aside from with him," Colson pointed to Ashton, "is it because you're staying clean?" The blond man dragged a tattooed hand through his hair and looked at Luke with an intense gaze.

"Basically," Luke muttered and drunk slightly from his water bottle.

"Fuck the press anyway, they make up false shit all the time," Colson said out louder as if he was making a statement, despite Luke and Ashton being the only ones there. "You don't know how many people I've killed according to the press."

"At least you're not a part of a drug addict part of a drug ring," Luke answered before he laughed.

"That's because I'm your dealer," Colson joked, and Luke laughed along. Ashton smiled slightly Luke rarely laughed so genuinely, and it was nice seeing Luke in such a good mood. Luke's mood kind of spread to Ashton and the honey-brunet couldn't help the small smile from showing.

"Ex-dealer though," Luke corrected when he finally stopped laughing.

"Why'd you stop?" Colson looked at Ashton for a while and then back at Luke. It was an unsaid question, Colson asked if Luke stopped because of Ashton. He wondered if Ashton was a crazy controlling bitch that wouldn't let Luke live his life or if Ashton and he was so crazy in love that Luke was willing to turn his life around.

"I was fucking up my life," Luke answered as if it wasn't obvious enough. Colson's gaze didn't break and kept staring at Luke waiting for him to continue. "I mean, I was a major dick."

"You'll always be a dick in someone's eyes," Colson shrugged slightly, the rapper didn't seem to give a fuck, but Luke was unsure if it was just an act or if it was his attitude.

"Sure, you got a point," Luke agreed, "but I have yet to meet someone who didn't think I was a dick, who doesn't think I am a dick. Not enough time has passed for people to see that I've changed." Colson laughed again, and clapped Luke in the back, Luke smiled slightly back – though he didn't really get what was so funny.

"They will after this album," Colson promised, and Luke knew it was the truth. After this album everything would change, whether it was for the better or worse Luke couldn't tell. That was an unknown variable, but things would change. That was for certain. Not only career or management wise but also how the media interpreted his role, how the fans viewed him and how Luke and the closest around him would see him. He'd be in a whole different light, with all his flaws visible. It could be the end of Luke Hemmings or the start of a new man. Only time would tell.

***

Luke and Ashton didn't talk much until the taxi back to the hotel. They hadn't had much time to, between talking with Colson and recording a song Ashton hadn't seen the time or need to have a deep conversation with Luke. Nor would he have known what that conversation would be. He had nothing he wanted to discuss with Luke that seemed important. The only one Ashton wanted to talk with for the moment was Calum. He still hadn't told him the relationship was fake, and he'd ditched him two days in a row. Ashton felt terrible. Calum had abandoned all his responsibilities and flown across the globe just for Ashton. And how had Ashton thanked him? By leaving him to roam the city with a complete stranger.

Okay, fine Michael wasn't a complete stranger, they had Disney Channel in Australia and they'd grown up watching Michael and Luke's show. They both knew who the celebrities were, and Ashton doubted Calum minded spending time with his childhood hero and probably crush, but still Ashton had acted like a shit best friend.

"Why didn't you talk more to Colson?" Luke asked and broke the silence, Ashton spendt a few seconds looking into those searching for something, but he didn't find it. He was unsure how Luke had meant it. Was it accusing? Did Luke mean that Ashton should've done more to make the rapper feel welcome, or was he just genuinely curious? Luke didn't know Ashton as the silent type, but Ashton had been rather drawn back, was he worried or just curious? Ashton didn't know and didn't bother finding out – it wasn't like Luke cared for Ashton's well-being, so Ashton settled for curious.

"I mean," Ashton began, and wondered how he was supposed to say this without sounding like a jerk, "he wasn't there for me. And he didn't seem to care much for me. In Colson's eyes, I'm just the boyfriend, I have little importance to him. And besides, I'm not a very interesting character."

"I think you're interesting," Luke argued, and Ashton laughed slightly and shook his head to disagree with the celebrity.

"You don't know me or my life story, I'm just an average guy up until I got involved with your life," Ashton shrugged, "but that's fine with me."

"I think I know more about you than you think," Luke argued, and Ashton smiled slightly at the blond. It was more of a competitive smirk than a genuine smile.

"Okay then, expert," Ashton began, "tell me my life story if you know me so well." Luke cracked a smile at the challenge but didn't hesitate to begin his story.

"Once upon a time there was a prince of a faraway country in the south, the land was even named south in Latin. Australis. His name was Ashton, he was the fairest and the prettiest in the country, and many were envious of his beauty and talents. He had many suitors, travelling from all corners of the world just to ask for his hand in marriage, but none ever reached the dream prince Ashton wanted. His father, a faraway king had always imagined Ashton to marry off to a pretty princess, but Ashton had never cared for princesses. His mother, the queen, was more understanding and open-minded, thus making Ashton close to the queen.

One day Ashton travelled far to study and maybe find his dream prince but was deceived by witches and wizards wanting his fortune pretending to be his friends. The prince was suddenly short on money, and he was desperate. Desperate to make a deal with the devil, he had to pretend to date the beast. The beast was mean, and beast-like, though he acted like he was prince like Ashton, he wasn't. Ashton tried to teach the beast the ways of being a prince, but he couldn't teach an unroyal the royal ways and left the beast when he stumbled onto prince charming, and the moved back to the castle in the pretty land of Australis," Luke ended the story, and laughed slightly, Ashton laughed a lot.

"Although some of that's true, that doesn't resemble my life story at all," Ashton laughed, "I'm definitely not a prince," Ashton muttered more to himself.

"I think it was pretty accurate," Luke said, and Ashton laughed again.

"Of course, you do, you don't know the original story," Ashton answered back. "okay now let me do yours," Ashton continued, Luke shook his head, but it was already too late, Ashton had already begun. "Once upon a time there was a young prince, he was the most handsome prince people had ever seen, and people gathered from small cities to large capitals just to see him. He was a nice boy, and everyone seemed to love him. Everyone agreed that he'd be a famous prince when he came of age and would be even more handsome. A lot of people were envious, but no one could resist the young prince's charm.

"The young prince was named Luke, and he was a talented boy from a very young age. So talented that people agreed it would be a waste to lock him up in a tower and wait till he aged more, so they let him grow comfortable in front of the camera. For a few years, life was good, until an accident occurred, Luke was hurt as he played, and broke his foot. Nothing serious happened, but Luke remained out of the spotlight for a while. When he came back, he was different, the once smiley price was now quiet and serious. No one knew why it was like that, but some guessed it was because of puberty. However, as the years went the prince's problems kept growing and he got addicted to drugs and alcohol, he befriended monsters because he thought he was one himself, and after years of hearing his inner and outer demons, he started to believe that he was lower than the dirt he stepped on. The prince had done terrible things and was a terrible person, so he thought he was undeserving of love, but he wasn't. The end," Ashton finish and was quite happy with the story,

Luke chuckled slightly, but he felt it was more mandatory than actual laughter, "that's a nice story," Luke began, "but it's actually a lot darker."


	23. How to approach Calum 101

Calum had a thing for heights. Ashton didn't know why, but his friend had ever since Ashton could remember always had a thing for heights. Whenever Calum was in a bad mood Ashton would usually find him on the highest thing that was close. A bit ironic that when Calum was on top of the world he didn't feel on top of the world. It was no surprise when Ashton found Calum sulking on the hotel roof, and the honey-brunet could only guess he was the very reason why.

"Hey," Ashton greeted as he approached Calum. The black-haired male looked at him before he turned away. Yeah, he was definitely the reason why Calum was sulking.

"Calum, I'm sorry for," Ashton began and paused slightly, "I'm sorry for neglecting you and acting like a shit friend. It's not fair that you travelled all the way here to be with me and support me, just for me to ditch and throw you into the arms of a stranger. I really should-..."

Calum interrupted the rant Ashton had practised at least five times before he went to find Calum. "Nah bro, don't think about it. I get it, you're in love, and I shouldn't really be sulking I Just kinda miss you. And Mikey's great-..."

Even if it was rude, he interrupted Calum. "That's the thing. I'm not in love."

"What?"

"This whole thing with me in Luke is fake, and I've been meaning to tell you since before you came. It's all fake, and I'm a shit friend," Ashton said and slid his back against the white stone wall. He felt terrible. He'd been such a shit friend, Calum definitely deserved better than this.

"That doesn't make sense at all," Calum exclaimed, "the way he looks at you, the fond smile. I don't get it. What do you mean? He only spends time with you, and he hates me. As if he's afraid I'll steal you away."

"Do you really think someone like Luke could muster up fondness?" Ashton actually had to leave, even if it was a little mean. "He's the same ass as always, the same indifferent jerk. He's just clean and giving the effort to do better."

"Maybe he's trying to do better to impress someone he likes?" Calum suggested and lured another laugh out of Ashton.

"No, that would be crazy. He loathes me," Ashton said. "Trust me, I've grown to know him, he doesn't like me. I guess he trusts me though. He and Mikey's had a huge fight, so they're not on speaking terms, and I don't know why he dislikes you, but he's like to every stranger. He's cold to new people because he sees them as a threat, I guess. So, it doesn't leave many people."

"You seem to have a good insight in what's going on his head," Calum commented. Ashton could the sly smirk spread on Calum's face and shook his head violently.

"Oh please," Ashton said, "he's like an open book," he continued, "everyone can read him."

"I can't," Calum began, "he's cold and indifferent, I can't see what's going on in there," Calum said and pointed to his forehead to signalize what was going on in Luke's head.

"Well, I've known him longer," Ashton shrugged.

"I think he opens up to you in a way he's never done to anyone else, and why would he do that to you unless he likes you? Ashton, you're so oblivious it hurts, but I swear to God, he's taken a liking to you," Calum said quickly, "remember in eleventh grade when Jenny liked you and you said she was just being nice?"

"She was just being nice!" Ashton insisted while laughter roared out of Calum.

"No, she was trying to get into your pants. You're just oblivious," Calum said and nodded as if he was agreeing with himself. Not unlike him at all.

"Okay, but Jenny and Luke are different because one of them doesn't like me. We've just been working on an album," Ashton said, and his hazel eyes rested on the ground. He knew he could trust Calum with the information, and even if he couldn't Calum wouldn't be able to do much it, it would come out tonight. An hour before the original album was intended to come out.

"Wait, what. I'm confused. Hold on, you're working on an album? I thought it was done?" The confusion was visible on Calum's face and Ashton couldn't blame him the slightest, it would be confusing if Ashton wasn't a part of the scheme.

"Well, you know how Luke doesn't produce or write the songs himself? –" Ashton began.

"Like every artist do?"

"No, it different he isn't a part of anything he goes into a studio and sings the parts they tell him to do, and he doesn't care at least he didn't use to. Because he was so drunk and high that there wasn't much to give a fuck about, I assume. But now that he's been clean, I guess he started to care again. I think he hates his own life and hates the whole career; the world tour is just torture in disguise to him, and he said it would be easier if he at least was singing songs that he liked. Songs that actually held meaning," Ashton paused for a second, "so we've been recording an album secretly. You know mom used to take me to the studio, so I know how to do the work."

Calum was silent for a while, "oh my God, I was so wrong. He likes you, and you like him too!"

"I do not!" Ashton objected.

"I can't believe my best friend is in love with Luke Hemmings," Calum continued. "I should've seen it coming a long time. He was your gay awakening. Remember when we were nine at ate cereal after school watching Disney Channel? You had a major crush on Luke, and it's not gone."

"Like wasn't my gay awakening, you dimwit," Ashton exclaimed yet the blush was visible on his face. "It was Zac Efron and you know it, and Zayn Malik confirmed it."

"No, no, no. It was definitely Luke," Calum argued.

"Like you didn't goggle at Michael's ass at age eight, which by the way, the habit hasn't changed," Ashton replied sassily. Calum only laughed. In a way, it was strange that they were spending time with actors they'd grown up watching. It was so unreal because Australia seemed so far away from Hollywood, the chance of them meeting their childhood idols was minimal.

"I was multitasking between checking out Hannah Montana and Michael Clifford because I knew I was bi already back then."

"But bro, seriously Luke wasn't my first crush, do you remember the surfer look? He's better without the fringe," Ashton commented.

"What do you mean?" Calum uttered with disbelief, "Zac had a fringe!"

"But he looked good!" Calum laughed again, and Ashton joined in. He realised how much he'd missed being with Calum. Being with Calum was easy. He never had to think about what he was supposed to say or do. With Luke everything was difficult, there were times where things went smoother, but Ashton always felt like he had to think and weight his words before he spoke them. Things were never like that with Calum. Calum never complicated things, Calum was like home and being home was always easy. At least, to Ashton. Luke was exciting and new, but also complex and difficult. Luke and Ashton could never have what he and Calum had.

"Okay, but there's one thing I don't understand," Calum began, "if Luke doesn't like you, and you don't like, and all this is fake. How come I saw you making out in the hallway?" Ashton's face flushed faster than the speed of lightning. He didn't know that Calum had seen that until he realised what dick Luke was. Luke didn't want Ashton seeing Calum and had made-out with him as a distraction and brushing it if as not wanting to deal with Brian. And Calum had probably been too awkward to interfere. God, Luke was manipulative.

"I-," Ashton began, but no words followed after, "he told me he saw Brian. And since Brian's a major dick I thought that he just didn't want to run into him? I guess, he did that so he'd avoid you," Ashton mumbled a bit ashamed. He couldn't believe he'd been partly ignoring Calum without knowing. No wonder Calum was up here sulking.

"Told you he hates me," Calum began, but he shrugged slightly. It didn't seem like a big deal to him. And Ashton didn't know if it should or shouldn't be a big deal. "Maybe he thought you were looking extra delicious and wanted a piece of that ass?"

"Stop it Calum," Ashton laughed, as he felt the warm night breeze blow through his brown hair. "He doesn't like me like that."

"He totally does," Calum replied quickly, but he didn't seem like he was going to take that fight. Maybe Calum thought Ashton was in denial? Ashton thought Calum was delusional. "I won't bother arguing, but I'm convinced he likes you. Why would he bother kissing you? Like even if he was avoiding me there was a lot of other things he could've done. And the way he looks at you isn't casual."

"How does he look at me?" Ashton asked intrigued, all though he told himself he didn't' care what Calum would say.

"Like you're his whole world. I know you'll deny all this," Calum continued. "You probably can't see it yet, but you'll realise soon enough that I'm telling the truth. And maybe you'll realise that you like him too."

"You're delusional," Ashton laughed, "why would I fall in love with some like that?"

"I never mentioned love," Calum said and shrugged.

"Whatever, let's go, it's starting to get cold," Ashton said and got up, Calum shrugged slightly. It wasn't really that cold, but Calum could read his best friend easily. Ashton didn't want to talk about, so he fled from the situation. Calum followed a bit after his best friend breathing in the cold air once again before he went inside.

Outside of Luke and Ashton's shared hotel room Ashton found an angry Brian. Angry didn't even cover it. Brian was raging, he was fuming with fire. He was pissed and was knocking heavily on the door and yelling curses. The second he saw Ashton he attacked him.

"What did you do?!" he sneered at Ashton. Ashton was too surprised to say or do anything. He just looked at Brian with disbelief. He couldn't believe his eyes. He'd never seen Brian this angry. Ashton was almost surprised the man hadn't exploded from anger and stress alone. "You fucking idiot, what did you do! If I find out, you had anything to do with this you lose your fucking job! Oh, Irwin, you are so dead."

"What do you think I did?" Ashton asked calmly even though Brian was seconds from attacking him. His strange calm even surprised himself, because the honey-brunet felt like pissing his pants.

"The fucking album," Brian sneered, and everything clicked. Luke had already given out A message to the haters, even before the scheduled time he'd told Ashton. Suddenly, Brian's anger gave a whole lot more sense, but Ashton couldn't show the realisation, so he played stupid.

"What about it?" Ashton asked dumbly.

"You know damn well what has happened," he screamed, and Ashton flinched, "that little brat has made another album. He, he, he, he's so dead," Brian promised to Ashton before he knocked on the hotel door several times. The honey-brunet wondered how long the door would hold, and if Brian was strong enough to kick it open with force. "If he and you made that album and plotted this little scheme, I promise that you're dead too."

"Uh sir," Calum suddenly interrupted and arrived as the saviour Ashton was in desperate need of. "Ashton's been with me for a good amount of time now," Calum said, "I don't think he has had the time to publish an album. And trust me, this is not me protecting my best friend, there are video recordings of us hanging together on the top roof."

Ashton smiled slightly to Calum who returned it. He had an alibi, he realised. The realisation hit him like a train in full speed. Luke had planned this, he'd purposely released the album alone, because then he wouldn't drag Ashton into it. He'd given Ashton an alibi, so he could take the entire blame on himself. Maybe Luke was a lot nicer than Ashton gave him credit for?


	24. A bloody nose

With a loud crash, Luke smashed the poor hotel door open, but Ashton didn't pay the door any mind. Luke had enough money to fix the door if it was broken, and if wasn't that it held no importance. The sudden action made Brian take a few steps away, but Luke successfully managed to hurt his manager with action. He glared rudely at Brian for a few seconds, and even Ashton felt uncomfortable under that stare even if it wasn't directed towards him.

"What?" Luke snarled out, and Ashton had almost forgotten how mean and intimating Luke could be. It had been a long time since Luke had shown that side of him towards Ashton. Maybe Ashton really was blind to Luke's changes? "I'm trying to sleep," he continued, and Ashton saw through the obvious lie. Brian did obviously too. But he voiced it too.

"Bullshit," He said and stepped closer to Luke, Luke didn't seem to give him the wanted reaction. Ashton could only imagine that Brian had threatened him tons of times during all the years he'd been Luke's manager, and that didn't sit right with Ashton. "We both know you little fucker, that you've fucking ruined everything. Why would you even do something so fucking stupid? I know there wasn't much up in that fucking head of yours, but this? Unbelievable! You're not going to live this down ever, oh you're so dead Hemmings. You're – you're my bitch now."

"You're saying it as if I haven't been your fucking slave since I was thirteen, your own personal money maker. And Guess what Bri?" Luke spat words like venom. "Those songs? They're all about it. I'm not just hinting; I'm spelling out how shit you and everyone in this crew is. Oh, just wait for the headlines!" Luke shouted excited out, "they're gonna slaughter you." Ashton could see the colour drain of Brian's face, his pale face became paler in seconds before the terrified emotion disappeared and was replaced by anger. Rage. Ashton could see it, as if time stood still, the anger that grew and how it was first just a spark in his eyes, then quickly become a fire. And how the warmth of fire spread like wildfire. It happened so slowly, Ashton felt he could see atoms shifting – and yet it all happened so quickly.

Ashton didn't have time to react. He saw Brian's burning anger, and maybe even desperation, and how he pulled back and then punched Luke in the face. Ashton just stood there shocked, unable to move; Luke reacted much faster and right hooked Brian back within seconds. Several emotions flashed across his face; anger, fear, horror over what he'd done to the celebrity, the shock that Luke had punched him back. Brian's left head quickly covered the part that had been punched, before he was ready to jump on Luke again. The blond was already ready to fight even with a bloody nose that Ashton just discovered.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Calum said and interfered between the two and managed to put some distance between them. "Let's all take a deep breath and just relax. Fighting doesn't look good on adults, celebrities or for the press, alright?" Calum tried to calm down both Brian and Luke, but he was just facing the furious manager, back against Luke. None of his words seemed to have much calming effect, but Ashton managed to finally stop staring and get moving. Luke stood in the doorway glaring at daggers at Brian; the manager was busy fighting off Calum and glaring back at Luke. Ashton didn't really know what came over him, but he knew staying like this would only lead to Luke beating Brian into a pulp; Luke obviously had the upper hand here.

So, he grabbed Luke's arm and dragged him into the room while Brian was still distracted. The door was shut and locked before Luke noticed what Ashton had done. Luke's blue eyes met him, and he sent him a confused look, but Ashton's couldn't really focus on it with Luke's bloody nose.

"Why did you do that?" Luke asked, his voice completely calm. There was no sign of the anger Ashton had seen only seconds ago. Naturally, because Luke didn't begrudge Ashton, however, the calmness and change in character still were a bit odd. Luke had punched someone seconds ago, and here he was like he had discovered nirvana and zen.

"I," Ashton began, but he couldn't really get the words out, "Luke you're bleeding," he settled on instead. "Let's get you cleaned up."

"Oh, this?" Luke said, and took his right hand up to his nose and got some blood on his fingers. He didn't look in pain or uncomfortable. He just looked at it as if it was fascinating. "I've had worse," Luke shrugged, but Ashton didn't really care and took Luke's hand and dragged him to the bathroom. He could hear shouting from the hallway and some harsh knocks on the poor door but ignored it. Luke didn't seem to care either, none of them wanted to face Brian's wrath. Ashton felt bad for leaving Calum out there, however, he hoped Brian was a reasonable man who wouldn't let his anger go out on an innocent third party. And if he did, Ashton trusted Calum to be strong enough to fight off the angry manager. Hopefully, though, things wouldn't escalate that far. Hopefully, Brian would stop seeing red now that Luke wasn't there to irk him, he doubted it though. Luke wasn't the main problem here – it was his actions. The album was the problem.

"Sit down," Ashton ordered Luke, and Luke sat down on the edge of the bathtub, it looked like Luke wanted to ask him something, but Ashton didn't let him, and grabbed some paper instead, and wetted it slightly. "Lean your head back," Ashton said and started to dab the wet paper against Luke's skin. It was just now he realised what he was doing. It all had felt so natural to help Luke, and just now did the honey-brunet realise that he was helping Luke with his bloody nose. Something Luke was capable of doing himself, Ashton felt awkward for a slight second, but he resumed to the task. It didn't seem like Luke minded, and Ashton was already doing it so there was no point of quitting.

It seemed like the bleeding stopped, but Ashton continued to wash away the small hints of blood. Most of it was gone anyway, but he wanted everything gone. "Why did you drag me in here from Brian?" Luke asked, while his head was still leant back, he couldn't see Ashton, but somehow, he knew what expression wore anyway. He was stunned and in deep thought.

"I ... don't know, I guess I just wanted the situation gone," Ashton mumbled, he'd stopped cleaning Luke's face. "And this was the easiest way to ignore it. I mean ... it's not ideal, we're only avoiding the eventual, but hopefully, Brian won't start beating you up next time he wants to talk."

"Maybe he won't try to talk," Luke shrugged slightly, "it's already out, people are streaming it right now, and music critics are reviewing it. No matter what he wants to do, yell, punch me, punish me, take shit away from me, he can't undo that it's out. This is the album I'll tour around with; this is my album now. And he can scream, shout, punch me, he can take millions from my bank account or force me to do stupid interviews or guest star in sit-coms, but the album's here to stay."

"I think ..." Ashton began but didn't know if Luke wanted his opinion. However, Luke made a motion for Ashton to continue, so Ashton did. "I think he's afraid. He's used to controlling you, and you're slipping out his grip, you're standing up for yourself and that means that you'll cut ties with him soon. As you said, you've been his own personal income for years, Brian doesn't care about you, he cares about his money. He knows that losing you means losing money."

Luke chuckled, "he never should've forced me to sober up then. I'm a lot easier to control when I'm high or drunk, preferably both." The laugh was bitter and sore, and Ashton could feel the hurt in Luke's voice. A strange urge to huge to blond, or comfort him came over him, but he didn't act accordingly.

"I know I'm not you advisor, and it's really not my business, but I think you should fire Brian, try to cut the contract with him if you can," Ashton settled on instead.

"It's really not that easy," Luke sighed, "for starters, I don't have another manager, and no one is willing to take me as of now. I'm a shit case, and people are wondering why Brian even bothers sticking around. And there's a contract, and I haven't even looked into it, so it might tie me to Brian for years. Besides, Brian's old to the business, he got contacts all over, if I boot him, he might blacklist me all over Hollywood. He wouldn't be my manager, but he'd still control me, I wouldn't be able to work with people, I wouldn't be able to survive as an artist." Luke laid his face in his hands, and he looked so hopeless. Ashton realised how Brian's power over Luke was much bigger than he realised, how Luke was just Brian's marionette and had been so for years.

"We might be able to figure something out," Ashton said and squeezed Luke's shoulder reassuringly. "We should read the contract first at least, you know Calum studies law, he might be able to find a loophole. And you have your own contacts all through this business if you clean up and make more contacts you could leave Brian behind and continue your career."

"Maybe," Luke said, but it didn't seem like he believed it. Ashton couldn't really blame him, Luke had spent most of his teenage years controlled by his manager, and Ashton wasn't sure what happened before there, but Luke's entire childhood and teenage years were spent in Hollywood. This was his life, and he knew the business far better than Ashton. There were probably things Luke wasn't telling Ashton, that allowed him to see things from a more negative perspective. Luke got up and headed out of the bathroom leaving Ashton. The noise from the hallway had quieted down, and Ashton could only assume Brian had left. Ashton could hear the door to the balcony open and shut, but he didn't follow after Luke. Instead, he walked over to his side of the bed and found his phone and called Calum.

"Hi, sorry to leave you with the manager from hell," Ashton said as quickly Calum picked up.

"Yeah, that's probably where Luke found him," Calum joked. "On a more serious note though, it was fine, he yelled and kicked and knocked on the door, but he quit when a hotel staff member showed up. Michael was the one who called for them, he said there was a drunk man disturbing the guest. They threatened to call the police, so he retreated to his room. But I'd watch out for him tomorrow," Calum warned.

"We're not doing much tomorrow though, we're just flying to LA, and settle in on the hotel, and Luke probably has some interview. I guess, I don't know his schedule," Ashton shrugged but realised Calum couldn't see him.

"Well, just be sure to avoid him, he said that he'd fire you, and you know, you need the money to-..." Calum began, but Ashton interrupted him.

"He won't, we're Hollywood's favourite couple as of now. His fans adore us, he can't fire me now without causing drama and conspiracies that it's fake, and that's the last thing he needs after Luke gave out an album like this," Ashton reassured, but it felt like he reassured himself more than Calum. He was afraid of being fired; he couldn't afford it. Not when he needed the money as much as he did.

"Talk about PR stunt," Calum laughed, "I listened to some of it, it's actually decent. But he's really showing the middle finger to the entire industry. Twitter, Instagram and every tabloid paper are full of it. It hasn't even been that long!"

"I guess that's one thing Luke really knows how to do, to pull a PR stunt."

"Well, all PR is good PR," Calum replied and shrugged.

"So, you're alright?" Ashton asked. He felt bad for leaving Calum again, especially when he'd just made up with again.

"Yeah, I mean, you only did what you had to. Or felt you had to," Calum began, "since you like him," he continued teasing him.

"I do not!" Ashton denied.

"But yeah, I am. I still want to do best friend things with you though. You're exploring LA with me whether you want or not," Calum insisted, "You'll just have to ditch an interview with your boyfriend."

"He's not my actual boyfriend," Ashton replied, "and you act as if I don't want to explore LA with you."

"Well, we didn't go explore New York much," Calum retorted, and Ashton swore he could see Calum shrugging on the other side of the line.

"That was different," Ashton defended.

"Right, you had a secret album to make."

"Exactly."

"Well anyways, Mikey and I are going to watch a movie, I don't remember the title, but apparently it was a cinematic masterpiece according to Michael. You wanna join, we're at hotel 309," Calum suggested. "I think it's just Zootopia, though," the kiwi boy added as an afterthought.

"Tempting," Ashton began, "I really miss hanging with you, but I got to talk to Luke," Ashton said. "I mean, I trust him not to get drunk or get high, but I still feel like I can't leave him alone. And he'd never join me for a movie night with you guys. He thinks Michael hates him-..."

"He does," Calum shot in.

"...-And I don't know what his problem is with you, but he's always glaring."

"He's just a jealous boyfriend," Calum said. Ashton couldn't tell if he was serious or joking.

"He's not," Ashton added either way.

"Well, okay then," Calum said, and sounded a bit disappointed, but it still sounded like he'd expected the outcome. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah," Ashton agreed, and with that, he hung up. His hazel eyes looked at the phone for a while, and he felt a feeling emptiness creep on hi, but he wasn't quite sure why. He really missed hanging out with Calum, and he really wished he could hang more with Michael. The boy was kind and wanted the best for Ashton, Ashton could tell. But at the same time, Ashton had troubles leaving Luke. Luke didn't just have luggage; he had a fucking mountain of troubles. Problems he was used to dealing with on his own. He didn't turn to anyone except for Ashton, and Ashton felt like he needed to be there for Luke since no one else was.

Luke had no one to turn to, so Ashton felt like he had to be that one. Luke wasn't good at dealing with his troubles on his own, he just ended up turning to drugs. It was still stressful, Ashton had to play so many types of roles because Luke had decided that the only one worth opening to was Ashton. And he wasn't an open book either, Luke only shared snippets when he was in an emotional state and then he closed off again. He told Ashton something, and then he acted like he hadn't. Luke troubles were huge, and he couldn't deal with them alone, yet he refused to get help. It was so hopeless, and yet Ashton couldn't give up on Luke because he could see Luke's recovery, he was on the path to do better. The blond wanted to do better, but at the same time he was so afraid of being hurt or hurting others, so he built walls around himself to keep people at a mile distance. What the blond celebrity failed to see was that he hurt himself in the process.

Ashton's hazel eyes looked at the balcony door, Luke was still out there. A heavy sigh left him, and he got up from the bed. He left his phone at the nightstand before he headed for the balcony door. For a second, he just stood there with the glass door, the glass surface dividing them. It served as a border between them, Ashton could see into Luke, but there was still something separating them. It was almost like a beautiful metaphor on how he could see Luke and tried to help him but there was still something between them. He was always looking into Luke, but there was always a glass barrier between them. Ashton wasn't one for stupid metaphors though, he'd break the glass if he had to. Opening the door was enough in this case though. Luke didn't notice him at first, he was smoking a cigarette, and he had an acoustic guitar in his laps. Mindlessly his fingers played different notes on the guitar, as the blond hummed along. Ashton didn't recognize the song and assumed it as an original. Something yet to be written, or something Luke just did at the moment.

"I used to feel so hollow. I'm hanging by your every word, with a need to follow. Even though if it's never gonna be, I just want to slip away see. Allow me to glow in your presence, even if it's just for a while. Even for just a little while. Oh. They say when you're in love you'd walk a mile. But for you," Luke sang and dragged out the word, "I'd probably race to the moon, just to prevent you slipping away too soon," Luke sang with a hoarse voice. Ashton wasn't sure if it was from the cigarette or if Luke had cried or screamed. He didn't really care. Well, he cared about Luke, but it just didn't seem like his business. He was Luke's fake-boyfriend, and hopefully friend, not an investigator that had the right to pry into Luke's life.

"That's beautiful," Ashton commented, and let his presence be known. Luke only noticed him now and jumped slightly.

"Ashton," he said surprised, as his blue eyes widened. "How long have you been – that wasn't ... you shouldn't have-... it's not official lyric ... I was, I was just singing," Luke seemed to settle on. "I ... it's probably not gonna end up as a song, just forget what you heard, please," Luke almost begged, and he seemed so desperate for some odd reason. So, Ashton pretended, he hadn't heard a song about unrequited love.

"I just wanted to talk," Ashton said and changed the subject, "may I?" Ashton asked and motioned to the other chair on the balcony.

"It's a free country," Luke answered, and put out his cigarette, even if he had half left.

"Why did you release the album before we agreed?" Ashton had his suspicions, but he still wanted them confirmed.

"There's more on the line for you," Luke shrugged, "I mean Brian was threatening to fire you, and he would too if he knew you were a part of it. But if I did it alone you would probably have an alibi, and it would seem unlikely that we did it together." Luke put the guitar away and turned more to Ashton, "I have nothing to lose, nothing that I haven't lost already. He can't hurt me because I'm doing a too good job on that myself," he chuckled again, but it wasn't light-hearted. Ashton could help but feel bad again for Luke, he really didn't have anyone, except for maybe Ashton. "He's gonna bring it up tomorrow, I'll convince him that you weren't a part of it," Luke said, and smiled a reassuringly smile at Ashton.

"Why would you do that for me?" Ashton asked he knew that Luke had told him that Ashton risked losing more than Luke – but still. That didn't necessarily mean something, just because Ashton had more to lose didn't mean that Luke had to care. Why did the blond care?

"I ... I can't say," Luke mumbled, "so don't ask, please."

Ashton looked at him suspiciously and definitely wanted to ask when Luke gave him an answer like that. However, Luke looked so miserable, and Ashton decided to let it rest. "Fine," he answered. "I won't ask." Luke looked so relieved, that it almost made up for not asking. At least, Luke felt a bit better.

"I forgive you, by the way," Ashton said. He hadn't really thought about it in a while, and now that he did, he realised that he had forgiven the blond a long time ago, and it was only fair to tell Luke. Even if it was a while ago, and a bit odd to bring it up now.

"For what?" Luke asked and furrowed his brows. Ashton couldn't really blame him, Luke had treated him like shit, and there were several things Ashton could be talking about.

"For the hospital thing," Ashton only mumbled. "I was so angry about it, and almost hated you for it. And I wasn't ready to forgive for you a while, but you've changed, and I know you didn't mean it like that, but you were acting like a dick because you could. But you're different now, and I guess it's only fair to forgive you with everything you've done for me."

"Oh that," Luke said and blushed slightly. Almost as if he was embarrassed that he could've done something like. "But I haven't done much for you, I'm just making up for everything you're doing for me," Luke said, and shrugged the compliment off.

"I'm not-..." Ashton began, but Luke cut him off.

"Ashton, just being here you're making everything better," Luke insisted and squeezed his hands. "So, thanks," Luke said it with so much sincerity that Ashton couldn't help but believe it.


	25. Good riddance

Ashton could really thank the gods enough that they hadn't stumbled into Brian at breakfast. The entire hotel didn't need to watch Brian and Luke fight the first thing in the morning. Or ever for that matter. Ashton was many things, he was Australian, a good brother and a good son. Ashton was smart and too perfectionistic at times. He was the fake boyfriend to one of the 21st century's most problematic celebrities. Ashton was a drop-out film student, he was kind, stubborn and funny. There were many things he wasn't too; Ashton was definitely not a morning person.

He was pretty sure that if Ashton had just seen the flicker of Brian before he got his americano he'd challenge the manager to a brawl, and most likely win. If he'd lost, he was pretty sure that both Calum and Luke would collectively beat Brian up for sending Ashton to the hospital for a second time. Well, Ashton wasn't quite sure Luke would beat Brian up for Ashton, but he doubted Luke would pass up an opportunity to beat up Brian. Calum, on the other hand, suffered from protective older brother syndrome – despite not being older than him or being remotely related to Ashton.

"Hey Ashton," Luke greeted him by setting a cup of coffee in front of Ashton. Ashton's not even surprised when he takes a sip of the cup and realises that's exactly how he likes his morning coffee, and Luke had just gone ahead and gotten him a cup. He'd long ago learnt Luke's coffee order. "Good morning," he continued, and squeezed Ashton's left hand that was resting on top of the table. Ashton didn't know if it was to keep up the act or get his attention – he didn't care. He was too tired to care, instead he turned to Luke and smiled slightly.

"I ... I have already talked to Brian," Luke whispered as he leaned closer to Ashton, making sure no one else could hear him. "So, don't worry about it. He knows you weren't involved." Luke bit his lip, and Ashton could see there was obviously something on Luke's mind, but he didn't know if he was supposed to pry after answers.

"What did you tell him?" Ashton settled on, it seemed safer.

"I ... I don't actually mean the things I said, I just had to ... uh, I had to keep the act up ... that I," Luke's voice grew tiny at the end of the sentence.

"That you what?" Ashton asked intrigued, he tried to meet Luke's blue eyes, but the blond avoided his gaze.

"That I ... hate you," Luke whispered. Normally, Ashton would've scoffed and said something crude. Something about how Luke did hate Ashton, and didn't need to act or pretend, because the feeling was very much real. However, this time, he didn't say something like that. He kept his mouth shut, because of Luke's words and body language. Luke almost regrettably informed him the news, and when he delivered them, he made his body language small. Almost as if he was scared to disappoint him. Ashton didn't really care if Luke hated him or not; by now he should be used to it. He knew Luke didn't per say hate him either; strongly disliked maybe, but hate? No, Luke didn't hate him. Ashton didn't even think Luke disliked him all that much either by the way Luke had been treating him recently. So, he didn't actually worry what Luke told Brian.

As for Brian, Ashton didn't care what the manager thought, or didn't think of their relationship, both fake and professional. If Brian thought they hated each other that was fine, if he realised, they got semi-along, that was okay. Ashton really didn't care what the older manager thought, he just wanted his pay checks and to stay as far away from the manager as he could.

"Ah," Ashton replied in lack of something better to say, "what did Brian say or do?" Luke may have cleared all suspicion of Ashton, but there would still be consequences. And when they weren't directed at Ashton, they sure as hell were at Luke.

"Oh," Luke answered, and looked down again, "not much. He was pissed," Luke tried, in hopes of not having to elaborate, but Ashton didn't accept that as a good enough answer.

"C'mon Luke, what did he say?" Ashton tried again, Luke's clear blue eyes met his, and he just shrugged. Ashton knew Brian probably called him different names, ugly names that weighted Luke down, and Ashton felt like an idiot for not noticing it earlier. Luke was a bit weirder than normal, a bit more distant, didn't meet his gaze as much, and made his body a bit smaller. God, what had Brian called him or done? Had Brian always been like this since he became Luke's manager? Ashton gritted his teeth, Brian had survived this long in this business by preying on young kids, destroying their confidence and constantly keeping them down.

Now, Brian wasn't the sole reason Luke was as fucked up as he was. Ashton had already unravelled there were plenty of factors playing together to make this outcome. Brian was merely a puzzle piece in a larger picture, but he was one of the many reasons. The manager may put up an act as the knight in shining armour, and the media might believe it – but Ashton could see right through the act. Brian was just a fool in a plastic costume, the damsel in distress was just a fake sob story to the press and the mighty dragon was his own mirage and greed.

Ashton wanted to know what Brian did or say, but Luke clearly wasn't going to talk. So, Ashton decided not to dwell on it, he wouldn't get answers even if he tried. Instead, he decided to change the theme.

"So, are you excited for LA?" Ashton asked, and took a sip of the coffee Luke had brought, surprising the blond with the change of conversation.

"I guess," Luke shrugged, "I've been there so many times it doesn't overwhelm me or excites me as it used to. But I do miss Petunia, even if I'm just going to see her for a little while. I wish I could bring her on tour."

"Can't she be like our tour mascot?" Ashton asked, half-joking, half-serious. He knew both Luke, himself and Calum would appreciate having a dog with them. He couldn't speak for Michael, but he assumed the blond wouldn't mind. Luke laughed as a reply and grinned largely at Ashton.

"She'd love the attention," Luke said with a slight chuckle. "Sadly though, it's too much of a hassle." Ashton just patted Luke's shoulder reassuringly and gave him a comforting smile. "I'm always excited to see Japan though," Luke continued.

"Oh, I can't wait to see Tokyo," Ashton began excitedly, but was interrupted by Michael and Calum approaching their table.

"Yo, bitches," Michael began, "ready to pack your shit and get moving?" Michael disguised it as a question, but it was more of an order. Ashton downed his coffee, as Luke did the same and he nodded.

"Yeah," Ashton replied as he got up from the breakfast table, Luke joined him shortly after.

"We'll meet you down at the reception in ten?" Luke offered, and Michael nodded satisfied with the answer, but Ashton could still see the glare he sent Luke.

"As long as you're there before Brian," Michael muttered, but neither Ashton nor Luke commented on the last part. It went unsaid that they were all straying away from Brian after the album incident. He was not in a good mood, and no one wanted to be the one receiving Brian's wrath.

Luke would usually describe Ashton as a mess, he always left Luke in an emotional mess. Ashton was messy, he left his things all over the room, when he spoke in the middle of a train of thoughts, he couldn't make sense of his thoughts. Ashton's schedule and notes made sense to no other than himself if they even did that. Sometimes Ashton couldn't even remember if he'd worn a shirt and had to smell it if it was clean or not – when he'd clearly worn it last Monday. Despite all this, Ashton somehow managed to pack his mess into his suitcase neat and clean within minutes. The remainder of the minutes was actually spent packing Luke's things, and stress running to the elevator to make it to reception before Brian showed his face. They made it, with only seconds to spare – but nonetheless they made it.

Calum stood there with his suitcase and a large bag wrapped around his shoulder, he didn't look up from his phone when Ashton and Luke ran out of the elevator. Michael raised an eyebrow at them and sent an unimpressed look at Luke, reserved for the celebrity. Brian appeared only seconds later, he didn't say anything, and they took their luggage to the large taxi that was waiting for them outside.

"So, when are you going to tell him?" Michael asked, as he pulled Luke away from the car. His green eyes scanning the area to make sure no one heard him.

"Tell who what?" Luke asked dumbly, but he had a feeling what Michael talked about. He just didn't want it to be true.

"When are you going to tell Ashton you like him," Michael clarified as if it wasn't obvious already. It was Luke just didn't want it to be. Luke was ready to deny it all, but Michael cut him off before the blond even had the chance to. "Don't start. I've known you since we were eight, I can tell when you like someone, and you have feelings for Ashton."

Luke's blue eyes didn't dare meet Michael's as he confessed. "I'm not going to-..." he began, but he stopped mid-sentence. Luke didn't really have any battle plan; all he knew was that he didn't dare ruin something as good and pure as Ashton. That he was unworthy of someone like Ashton, and that he'd rather die than tell Ashton he liked him. It was for the better anyways.

"Good," Michael said, pleased with Luke's half-answer. He didn't need to hear the rest to know exactly what Luke meant. Michael had, after all, known Luke for years. He knew that 'I'm not going to' meant he wasn't going to do anything. A weird urge, probably Michael's own pettiness and hurt feelings, wanted to call Luke a coward. To follow up with something mean just to see the hurt in Luke's eyes. Something like 'of course a coward like you wouldn't dare make a move', but Michael kept shut. Not necessarily to spare Luke's feelings, but Michael also knew about Luke's competitive instinct and would try to prove Michael wrong if he uttered those words.

"What do you mean by good?" Luke asked angry back, "it's not like I'll hurt him or do anything," Luke continued, Michael could see something flare up in his blue eyes, and he gritted his teeth. He wasn't about to have this fight with Luke outside of the hotel, Ashton and Calum only a few feet away.

"I know you won't hurt him; I won't let you," Michael replied, and tried to remove himself from the situation by walking away. Luke halted him though and grabbed his shoulder.

"Answer my question, Michael," Luke said, his voice angrier than before. The flare in his eyes, seemed like fire now.

"Oh, you know what I mean," Michael began, "Ashton's too good for you, I don't want to see him end up with someone like you."

"Because I'll ruin his innocence?" Luke asked with disbelief clear in his voice. He wasn't doubting Michael's words, and he already knew what his former best friend felt about the topic. The words shouldn't surprise him, but it was the harshness of the words that caught him off guard.

"Well, that too. But because you'll be happy, and I don't think you deserve to be happy with a ray of sunshine in human form." Michael didn't want him to be happy. He'd been with Luke through thick and thin, he knew him better than anyone – and despite all this. He didn't want Luke to be happy, didn't think he deserved it. He'd seen Luke at his worst, he knew how bad Luke's mental health had been, and Michael didn't think that Luke deserved a sheer glimpse of happiness.

"You know what," Luke sneered out angry, "I'm glad I slept with Crystal," Luke lied through his teeth. He'd done so many things, but of everything that was his biggest regret. The look on Michael was satisfying enough though.

"What?" Michael's disbelief echoed through his head, but Luke ignored as he continued.

"That's what it took to leave me alone, right? I don't need toxic friends who don't think I deserve the chance to be happy. Actually, it's good riddance. I can't believe I've been feeling guilty for years, when you never cared if I was happy or not. You can't hold this against me Michael, I don't care anymore."

"Why do you think I hate you?" Michael asked, his voice trembling slightly. Luke's words had cut deep, but the blond couldn't care about it. Michael's own had cut him way deeper than he'd like to admit. "I don't think you deserve to be happy because you ruined my only source of happiness. How can you do that without a heavy heart? To your best friend? I don't think you deserve to be happy, because you're ruining everyone else's happiness. I don't want you to die, but the world would be slightly better without you."

"Yeah okay, I'll fucking kill myself if that's what you want me to do. It's not like I haven't tried before," Luke shot back. His words cut like a dagger. Michael's green eyes shot up, he realised too late that he'd gone too far. The look on Luke said enough. Michael wanted to apologize; in the heat of the argument he'd said too many things that he didn't even mean. Michael opened his mouth to say something, but Luke sent him a dirty look before he walked away.

Michael had almost forgotten how great of an actor Luke could be. Inside the taxi Luke played out the role to a T. No one suspected anything, Michael wouldn't have suspected anything if he hadn't had the fight Luke. Luke was completely unbothered for someone who'd just admitted to suicide attempt and agreeing to end his life. Luke deserved awards just from this act alone. It left Michael wondering what else Luke was hiding, what he covered up. What part of Luke was just an act? Michael knew Luke, he was one of the only people that actually knew Luke, but this left Michael wondering. Were there some aspects of Luke he didn't know about?

At the airport Luke lit a cigarette and blew the smoke in Brian's face before the manager took off. Michael tried to have a word with Luke, to apologize and talk it out, but Luke avoided him like the plague. It didn't help with the enormous Lashton fan base that screamed and followed Luke and Ashton. Michael's own fans weren't nearly that many, or creepy, but Michael had enough dealing with his own to pursue Luke. The young celebrity effectively slipped out of Michael's fingers, and Michael couldn't find him again.

"Ashton," Luke said as he dragged his fake boyfriend away from the hoard of fans, and Michael's judging eyes. He could feel Michael's green eyes on his neck, and the feeling didn't disappear until Michael was out of sight. "Let's go in here," Luke said and swung at a corner dragging Ashton with him. Ashton only helplessly followed along; he didn't have much choice.

"Are you sure we shouldn't be finding our gate?" Ashton asked.

"It's B32, right?" Luke asked, and Ashton nodded confirming. "I know where it is, don't worry," Luke assured Ashton, and Ashton only skeptically accepted the answer.

"Okay," Ashton said and dragged the answer out, "but are we sure we should be here?" Ashton asked. They were moving further and further away from people and seemed to be closer to a staff only area.

"If anyone asked Luke Hemmings wanted some space to make out with his boyfriend, no worries," Luke replied with ease and only shrugged. Ashton blushed slightly at the reply but didn't comment on it any further. They stayed quiet for a while, not doing much. They rarely got moments of peace like this, lately they were always doing something – and things wouldn't start now with Luke's world tour.

"So," Ashton started, being the first to break the silence. "Are you going to tell me what your conversation with Michael was all about. Luke only looked surprised at Ashton; he didn't think the brunet would've been able to see through his act. "C'mon Luke," Ashton pressed on, "you haven't looked Michael in the eye since the conversation, and Michael kept sending you longing gazes. What is it all about?"

"It's ... nothing," Luke tried to brush it off. He couldn't actually tell Ashton the truth, but he didn't want to get Ashton involved either. "Don't think about it," Luke tried to reassure Ashton, but Ashton was clearly having none of it.

"Luke," Ashton tried to reason with Luke, but Luke wasn't meeting his eye. "Please tell me," Ashton pressed the matter. "What did he say that hurt you?"

"Actually, I was the one who hurt him first," Luke began, only vaguely reminding Ashton that he had slept with Michael's ex-fiancée. "I probably deserved it anyway," Luke shrugged, and was hoping they'd drop the topic.

"Can you stop doing that?" Ashton asked, his tone suddenly more aggravated than soft.

"Doing what?" Luke asked, confused.

"The 'I deserve it act', just because you've done bad things doesn't mean you're undeserving of love and deserve all the shit and hurtful things that's coming your way. Luke, you're a good person deep down, and you deserve good things. Just because you've hurt Michael's feelings doesn't mean you deserve to hurt back. Now what did he say that upset you?" Ashton ranted, he moved sub-consciously closer to Luke in a way to comfort Luke. To be closer to Luke, if he was standing closer, would Luke understand him better?

"You really want to know?" Luke knew he should be pulling away from Ashton. They shouldn't be standing this close. Ashton was a force like gravity that dragged him closer, Luke should take a step back before he was affected by this force, but he didn't. Instead, he admired Ashton's beauty for a small while, and took a step closer. Just like an idiot would.

"Yeah," Ashton answered as if it wasn't obvious already.

"Michael doesn't want me to do this," Luke murmured and leaned in closer. He cupped Ashton's face, and kissed him gently. Ashton returned the kiss immediately.


	26. J'adore

Surprise filled Luke as Ashton kissed him back, but he didn't let it overwhelm him. He dragged Ashton closer, careful not to break the kiss, still kissing Ashton eagerly. Ashton's own eagerness surprised Luke, but he enjoyed it. Letting his and carefully move from Ashton's cupped face down to hold his waist. Ashton's own hands seemed to move on their own accord. Wrapping around Luke's neck, just slightly forcing Luke to bend down. Their height difference wasn't all that much, but Luke loved it. He loved he didn't have to bend down as much he'd done with previous girlfriends, but at the same time, he enjoyed being the taller in the relationship. Ashton was, just the right height.

It didn't surprise Luke much though; Ashton was in general just perfect. At least in Luke's eyes. Ashton's fingers started to play with a strand of hairs in Luke's nape, and Luke couldn't stop himself from humming in contentment. God, nothing had ever felt this good. What did Ashton do to him? How could Ashton hold this much power over Luke?

And how come Ashton was completely oblivious to it all?

Their lips moved slowly against each other, and daringly Luke slipped his tongue into Ashton's mouth. The brunet didn't stop him, but rather encouraged him as he opened his mouth slightly for Luke. Kissing Ashton surpassed everything else, no one could ever compare to Ashton. Luke had kissed a lot of girls, but never had anyone felt like Ashton. Kissing Ashton was better than everything else Luke had ever felt. Luke had a sneaking feeling that it was connected to his growing feelings towards Ashton.

Luke knew he liked Ashton, but he was starting to suspect that it was more than just fondness, or a crush. He liked Ashton, but it was turning into something more. Luke wasn't ready to say it was love, it wasn't love yet at least. It was something between love and like. Luke adored Ashton. Luke thanked the French for the words. Something definitely more than just like, but distinctively less than love. Luke wasn't ready to say he loved Ashton; he didn't love Ashton. What he did do though was adore Ashton. Luke adored Ashton.

The thought brought a smile to Luke, and he smiled into the kiss. The thought surprised Luke, usually these kinds of feelings scared Luke. Especially, when it came to Ashton; Ashton was too pure to be messed with. Luke shouldn't be able to touch something so innocent like Ashton. He was a black void that dragged everything good inside him and destroyed it. Ashton was the polar opposite; Luke should run away in fear of harming Ashton. But he didn't. Luke had healed a lot in the presence of Ashton, he had a lot of healing left to do, but he could feel himself getting better. The thought alone gave him hope and made him smile. His reaction, his smile, was proof that he was healing. Previously, Luke would've never smiled at the thought that he liked someone.

He'd would've torn himself away from them and build up walls to surround himself. This time he didn't. Instead, he leaned closer into Ashton, craving his touch. Ashton craving just as much. They kissed hungrily, and Luke could help the feelings that swelled in his chest. Moments like this gave him hope. Hope that maybe liked him back.

It was stupid though, because Ashton didn't. Ashton just followed along with what Luke did. If Luke said jump, Ashton jumped. Ashton was paid to do this, by Luke's profit. The bitter thought alone wasn't enough to repel Luke. Nothing was. Nothing in the world was enough to stop Luke, except, maybe Ashton.

They needed to breath. The need for oxygen grew larger and larger than Luke's need for Ashton, but at the same time Luke wasn't ready to stop. When they pulled away, they wouldn't talk about it. They'd pretend like it didn't happen, like they always did. Luke wasn't ready for that yet. He needed to be so overwhelmed by the feeling of Ashton's touch, that when the time to part came, he wouldn't feel it. At least, that's what Luke told himself. The truth was, however, that no matter what Luke did – he would never get tired of Ashton's touch. He would always crave it, and he'd always feel the absent of it.

When they parted their breath were heavy, and Ashton's breath fanned Luke's skin for a short while. They were close. So close, but Luke desired to be closer. So, he leaned in and kissed Ashton next. Slowly, and careful. Waiting for a silent approval from Ashton. If the brunet pulled away, or made a single notion to disliking it, Luke would pull away. He would pull away, and he wouldn't dare touch Ashton again until the brunet let him. But Ashton didn't pull away. He leaned closer, and exposed his neck so Luke had better access. His action spoke so loudly, and how could Luke do anything but obey Ashton's word?

Luke kissed Ashton's nape, slowly. This was hardly a scene for the airport, but Luke didn't care. All he wanted was Ashton. His mind was clouded by thoughts of Ashton, and his desires. He couldn't think logically. Luke's lips kissed Ashton's tanned skin, he bit down and sucked marks. Marking something that wasn't rightfully his.

But God how Luke wished it was.

How could Luke ever get Ashton? Luke found himself wondering as he marked Ashton's neck as if he was afraid someone was about to steal Ashton away from him. The answer was simple, really. He'd never get Ashton. Ashton deserved someone better than Luke, someone with a less fucked up past, and more mental stability. Luke didn't deserve Ashton. Although, Michael's words were harsh, he was right – kind of. Luke didn't deserve Ashton. Not because Luke didn't deserve happiness, but because Ashton deserved someone far better than Luke.

That didn't stop Luke from adoring Ashton though.


End file.
